Page 59 of Nine Inch Nasty
Wil steps in front of me in an act of protection. Sure, maybe I don't actually need it, but it's nice to see him take his strength back. “You will have no cooperation from us on that. She is ours to protect. This is my mate. The voice of our divine goddess. She deserves respect, not to be blasted for going against ideas that you yourself have thought up. The goddess works within her; I've seen it with my own eyes. All of us have. And she's right to. The goddess asks that we love each other, not condemn each other. Not exert our control over each other.”
“Wil! What has gotten into you?”
He doesn't even spare a book to his parents, and the pastor seems done negotiating with us. He summons some of the male members of his congregation up, ones that are dripping in oily lust. They're trying to be covert about how they look at me, even in front of their wives, but my bodysmith senses don't lie.
One of them steps toward me, a bland smile on his face. “It's best if you just cooperate, ma'am.”
“Uh, Delaney? How far are we going to let this go? Please don't tell me you have thoughts of letting them actually put you on that altar and tying you down before you pull out the secret weapon.”
“No, Adam. I'm not going to—”
A woman in the front starts screaming. “She's got a weapon! Get her bag!”
Damn. I guess we're just going for this one.
People in the front rows start screaming and heading toward the back of the church, plastering themselves against the wall so they can still watch the drama play out but feel safe, I guess.
“Actually, it's just a dick.” And I whip it out.
Somebody actually vomits at the sight. That's a new reaction.
“I told you she was blasphemous! What do you mean by bringing such an awful, disgusting thing into the house of the goddess? Pastor Bob, I beseech you, control her or I will!” Wil's mother screeches.
I wave it around to make it seem more aggressive, and that makes the volunteers close rank on me. At this point I'm just looking for a target. It's obviously going to be awkward no matter who I choose, but the work must be done.
“Hey there handsome. Quick question for you. How do you feel about prophecies?”
The man nearest me opens his mouth wide in confusion. I caught him off guard. In goes the Nine Inch Nasty.
At first, he's obviously fighting it, trying to push us away, but after a little bit of light choking action, he relaxes and the energy around me dissipates just as the goddess said it would. In a surprising plot twist, the man begins to deep throat the relic and moan out loud as he sinks to his knees, leaving me completely speechless. Definitely in a bad way. However, him taking it into his body is like a physical release of the hatred steeped around us, and it seems to make the sun shine just a little bit brighter through the high windows in the building.
“Mated, you say?” pastor Bob asks as he puts his hand in his pockets and shakes his head. “That's wonderful. Congratulations, Wilford. Will you be having an official ceremony? I’d love to offer my services.”
I wipe the Nine Inch Nasty off on the guy’s shirt, and I actually have to wrestle it away from him because he’s trying to hold on to it to do goddess knows what, but my work here is done. We stopped an angry mob, and I saved myself from being sacrificed. I'd say that's a good afternoon.
“We'll let you know,” Wil says as he turns and starts to escort me out.
“Wilford, wait! We aren't done here!”
“Goodbye, mother. Please don't call. Oh, and by the way, we’re your new council, so expect a full investigation into this congregation, fueled by today’s stunts. Sacrifices are generally frowned upon.” His hand guides me to the back of the hall, and I have to elbow Adam to get him to stop playing with the water in the baptismal font. He turned it into a small fountain bursting with phallic shaped spray as the water came out of the top.
“Knock it off. Behave yourself.”
He grabs my hips and kisses me. “Never.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Delaney
“Has anybody seen my mascot? I swear I left it right here! How am I supposed to show up at my new job without my good luck charm?”
Skylar kisses my shoulder as he passes by me to grab the cream out of the fridge. “Pretty sure it returned from whence it came.”
“What?”
“You’re talking about the Nine Inch Nasty? That mascot? You wanted to bring a relic from Hell to work with you at headquarters? Doesn’t that feel like a bad idea to you?” He pours the cream in his coffee, tastes it, then passes it to me and immediately starts making another one.
I stare down at it in confusion. “I didn’t ask for this.”
