Page 83 of A Breath of Life
“I doubt they gave you pork roast. You’re on a soft food diet. Did you have ice cream for dessert?”
Nana hummed. “Pudding. Banana flavored. I prefer butterscotch.”
“Banana is good too. Nana, tell me about Jeffery. Did he visit you?”
“Such a polite young man. He dressed nicely, too. He knows where Boone is. He said he’d bring me to see him.”
“No, Nana.” Goose bumps shivered down my arms. “Don’t listen to him. He can’t do that.”
“Well, why ever not? Jeffery said he was your friend from the academy, and I should trust him.”
“I don’t know a Jeffery.”
“Sure you do. From the academy. He told me so. He said I needed to ask my grandson Diem about going to see Boone. You’re my grandson. I sure would like to see Boone. It’s been an age.”
“Yes, Nana. I’m your grandson, but Boone’s… not around.” Since Nana’s disease had stolen her mind, it was easier not to constantly tell her Boone was dead. It caused fresh grief every time and was a cruelty she didn’t deserve.
“I know that. He’s in the war. He writes me letters. We’re going to get married when he comes home.”
“Yeah. He’s in the war.”
“Jeffery said I can visit him because he’s going on leave. He said my grandson, Diem, will know when. Is the war ending?”
“Nana. You aren’t going to see Boone.”
She started to cry, and my heart broke. “But I need to see him. It’s been so long. Jeffery said I could.”
Nathan’s gentle voice sounded in the background as he tried to calm Nana down. A moment later, the phone changed hands. “I’m sorry, Mr. Krause. Diem. She’s been very insistent. I don’t know who this Jeffery is. We don’t have caregivers or nurses by that name. Heck, we don’t have a patient by that name, and apart from you and your father, no one visits her. It could be someone from her past. You know how it goes. It’s clearly upsetting her. I wonder if maybe you can find time to visit later today. It might help.”
My chin wobbled, and my vision blurred, but I clenched my jaw and pinched my eyes closed against the sting. If I could have scooped Nana up and taken her home with me that instant, I would have. “I’ll… I’ll do my best. I can’t make promises.”
“I understand.” Nathan sighed. “It’s just… Sometimes, this kind of thing can be a sign of… You might want to make time, Diem.”
I heard what he wasn’t saying, but I also knew more than I could express. Nana wasn’t hallucinating. This wasn’t her broken mind tricking her into believing things that weren’t real. She’d been visited by one of Ace’s cronies, and they had frightened her, using the one memory, the one person she would never forget, to ensure they got a reaction.
Boone.
Long after getting off the phone, I sat motionless, staring into space, fighting conflicting feelings of rage, hopelessness, and fear.
I wanted to race to Nana’s side. I wanted to call Asshole’s number and make my own threats. Tell him that if Ace wanted blood so fucking badly, he could have mine. The longer I sat with the problem, the more my priorities shifted. I’d been ordered to find Clarence, butthe drive to hunt down Ace and his cronies was a fire that burned hotter and hotter.
My nerves wouldn’t stop jumping. If I could have escaped to the gym to punch a bag for a while, I would have, but I didn’t want to leave Tallus alone. Why, when I finally had something good in life, did this have to happen?
I wandered down the hall and stood in the doorway to our bedroom, watching Tallus and Echo sleep. Every part of my body ached and screamed for action. Ace wasn’t the only one with an agenda. He wasn’t the only one out for blood. He’d fucked with the wrong person.
Uncaring what time it was, I landed in the kitchen and retrieved the Jim Beam from the freezer. I knew alcohol wasn’t the answer, but every other vice was out of reach, and I was seconds from putting my fist through a wall to expel the poison from my body.
I took a few steadying pulls, then a few more before relocating to the couch and cradling it between my thighs. For a while, I tried Dr. Peterson’s deep breathing exercises, but they didn’t work. I tried emptying my brain, but I kept finding more shit underneath the shit. It was like bailing water out of a sinking boat with a spoon.
I should have left the alcohol alone, but I couldn’t manage to put it away. Although I mostly managed to avoid drinking it, the lure was intense. The neck of the bottle clenched in my fingers was an anchor. It was right there, ready to offer its support should I need it.
Around six, Tallus emerged from the bedroom to find me leaning against the kitchen counter, staring at the bottle in a perpetual state of indecision. The battle to return it to the freezer had not been won. Its contents were fast vanishing. I’d paced for the last hour, unable to sit still, stealing sips from time to time, but doing all I could to limit my intake.
I had a mild buzz, but that was all.
Tallus leaned against the counter beside me, eyeing the bottle and studying my face, likely trying to decide how much I’d had. “Rough night?”
“Yeah.”
