Page 94 of The Best Wild Idea
For this lifetime and the next,
Grant
Chapter 45
Juliet
I’m shaking by the time I fold the letter back up and stand to toss it on the counter next to the envelope, feeling like I’ve stepped out of my body and am having a moment separate from reality.
My heart races, pulsing in my ears with every beat like a drum.
I sit back down on the edge of the tub before growing restless and pacing all over the room, from wall to tub, over and over, unsure of where else to go. My mind pulls apart what I’ve just read. I never should have read it in the first place since it wasn’t addressed to me, but I hate every word of it anyway.
How could I have been so stupid?
How could I have thought that Silas had changed? That there wasn’t some backward plot to what’s just unfolded between us?
He was asked to make me fall in love with him. Just like all the women he’s been with before me. And I can’t believe I fell for it. For whatever this was — Silas fucking me to fulfill some final request of my late fiancé. Just to say he’s done what he could, and that he did his best to get me to fall for him, before probably turning back into who he’s been all along when he finally fulfills the request.
The man I’ve always known to be an egotistical womanizer somehow managed to play me, too.How could I be so stupid?
And worst of all, I can’t un-see the fact that Grant was the instigator of this horrible prank. The one I managed to fall prey to.
My stomach churns and I feel like I’m going to be sick.
I close my eyes to steady myself, but I find myself replaying every minute Silas and I have spent together since he picked me up outside of my house.
The way he seemed to be at my beck and call every moment of every day, tirelessly listening to each word I said. Even turning away those two women at the bar back in Spain by pointing me out like I was actually someone special to him. The way the color drained from his cheeks when I accused him of playing a deadly part in Grant’s passing — probably because he saw the promise he’d made to Grant going up in flames.
But he’d pushed through every uncomfortable moment between us, each harrowing adventure, all with a smile on his face. And in the end, he’d succeeded at what he set out to do.
He got me.
Silas succeeded at getting me into his bed last night in order to come through on this promise. The one that he apparently made to Grant. To, at the very least,tryto get me to fall in love with him while probably trying to force old feelings he used to have back up to the surface. Feelings he probably hasn’t had about me in years.
According to that letter, Silas didn’t even want to go on this trip with me in the first place. Grant had to convince him to take me with him using some end-of-life guilt trip he’d apparently laid on pretty thick.
I should have never gotten in Silas’ car that first day back in Boston. Should have never trusted that he’d changed or accepted the eight bags full of gear he had Ryan drop off — which I now know was just his first step at buttering me up. Making me think that he cared.
I want to tear that letter up and flush its remains down the toilet. Pretend it never existed in the first place. But even if the physical letter ceased to exist, I could never forget what it said.
How could Silas do this to me?
I don’t know how I fell for it, but I know one thing for certain: I won’t fall for it again.
And I certainly won’t be here when he wakes up. Won’t give him the satisfaction of trying to explain whatever the hell this charade is all about.
He’s too good with his words, and his eyes. If I let him try to explain in person, I’ll fail to stay away from him. I have to go.
I tiptoe out of the bathroom, then fight the urge to take a shower to strip the grime of our lovemaking session off me in favor of throwing on a quick outfit so I can walk out of this hotel and Silas’ life without waking him up. This time, forever.
Chapter 46
Silas
I throw my arm over to her side of the bed without opening my eyes. Still in disbelief that I’m waking up next to her in what I hope will be many future mornings wrapped up in bed together. I’ve already made up my mind to take the next few weeks off work to focus on whatever this is growing between us. I want my every day to be full of her, nothing but her.
My arm lands on a cold pillow instead of her warm body and I crack my eyes open.
