Page 35 of The Best Wild Idea
The stiff yellowed paper is marked with Juliet’s name, scribbled across the front in Grant’s telltale writing. Seeing this little piece of him again pulls something apart inside me. Right before she can snatch it away and head off toward the room.
Chapter 13
Juliet
After getting the keys and taking an elevator up what felt like eighty stories, even though it was under a dozen, I shut my bedroom door and crawl under the big, fluffy down comforter stretched out across the bed.
To think that just yesterday I was finishing up my last round of coaching sessions, naively walking away from Pete and back to my house, completely unaware that this whole thing was about to explode open in my face.
Now, I’m sitting a world away from Boston, unable to enjoy a place I’ve always dreamed of going because Silas is ruining every spare moment I’ve had here so far.
Not that he’s ruining every spare moment, exactly. Just that he’s confusing the hell out of me. So many things about him remind me of the man he used to be, back when we were all friends. But I feel like it’s just a facade to get through this trip in peace together. To prove to me that he’s not as bad as I know deep down he is. It’s hard to know what’s real about him anymore given everything that’s happened.
It annoys me to no end. The fact that today was supposed to be the first day of my new year. The three hundred and sixty-sixth day to get through with no red X to mark at the end of it.
This is the day that I told myself the world would all start making sense again.
But, instead of waking up to a fresh calendar and a home cleared of reminders, I’m surrounded by nothingbutreminders.
Reminders of Grant.
Reminders of Silas.
And perhaps most of all, reminders of the girl I was before everything in our lives went sideways. I’d forgotten how quick-witted and awake I could be when faced with an equal sparring partner like SilasfuckingDavenport. Someone who isn’t afraid to challenge me, or call me out. And every moment I’m around him, it feels like I’m sayinghelloagain to the person I was before. Finally able to come back out of a long hibernation, tearing my way out of a thick layer of bubble wrap I’ve been trapped in all year.
I can recall the exact moment everyone in my life started treating me like I was suddenly fragile. Whispering quietly in the next room. Oohing and ahhing over me each time I smiled a real smile, or was “brave enough” to go out and do something —anything— I used to love to do.
Ever since Grant was declared terminal, I’d changed. Deeply. Of course, nearly every part of me had changed. But it wasn’t justme. Something else I never could have predicted happened: Everyone elsearoundme changed, too. Namely in the way that they treated and interacted with me. I lost everything familiar to me, even the relationships that were solely there to support me.
It’s unreal how much I’ve missed being treated like a whole person who’s strong and capable, instead of just a fraction of one — like I might dissolve into thin air at any moment, should someone utter the wrong thing around me.
But today with Silas, all he’s done is say the wrong thing. A lot of wrong things. In fact, he hasn’t treated me like I might break at all, and he definitely isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being a pain in the ass. Which I have been, in all honesty, since the moment he picked me up.
I know everyone around me changed in how they treated me because they felt like they had to. They did it out of love, and probably because I needed a soft place to land once we knew Grant was dying. But those days turned into weeks and those weeks into a year, and now, feeling what it’s like to be treated as a whole person again, instead of just the girl who lost her fiancé?The girl who’s fragile when I know deep down that I’m not? I don’t want to give that feeling up.
I know I’m deliberately challenging Silas — sparring more than I might — simply because it feels good to have someone challenge me back.
It’s absurd. I settle into the mattress, reveling in the softness of the sheets. The dusky view out my window. The feeling of something that Grant himself held, now safely tucked inside this room with me.
I can hear my suitemate thumping away at something in the other room. His shower turning on, a faucet turning off. A suitcase knocked to the floor. So much for Silas being completely undetectable while we share this place together.
I roll onto my back, drag the comforter up to my chin and settle deeper into the cushy mattress and pillows, slowly ripping the envelope open, one little tear at a time.
Then I take one more deep breath, before finally pulling out what’s inside.
Chapter 14
Grant
One year ago
Dearest Jules,
If you’re reading this, you’ve made it to Interlaken, which means you agreed to this whole harebrained idea of mine. Well done! Silas must be right on the other side of your wall, unless you banished him to his own suite, which I hope you didn’t.
I know I swore that going on this trip would be my final request, but I have one more. Although this request is much simpler, and I hope easier for you to agree to . . .
Enjoy yourself.
