Page 19 of The Best Wild Idea
Ryan’s been with me a long time, and I want to keep it that way, but the anxiety of today has twisted me into a righteous double knot. Imagining Jules’ reaction to the news that we’re supposed to go on this trip together has haunted me all year. I’ve run through every conceivable response she could have upon finding out that I’m her travel partner, except for one: her smiling. Because that’s not actually conceivable.
When Grant called me from the hospital to tell me his plan, that he wantedmeto take his fiancée on the kind of trip they’d only dreamed of together, I put up quite the fight. It wouldn’t be right. Having me, of all people, join her was simply too much to expect of Jules who was already going through hell and back.
“I need it to be you because I can’t trust anyone else with her,” Grant insisted before having a coughing fit that threatened to break me in half, even through the shoddy cell service with me in another country. “And because I know you’ve always loved her,” he added so quietly that I almost didn’t catch it.
My blood had turned to ice.
I tried to protest, arguing with him that I wasn’t in love with his fiancée, the woman he’d been with for nearly a decade. He’d laughed ironically, the sound of it straddling the line between anger and defeat.
“Anyone who meets her falls in love with her, man,” Grant said above the whirring of machines beeping off and on in the background. “It’s impossible not to. Listen, I don’t blame you, but I also don’t want to have a big conversation about it. Just do me a favor and make this simple. Agree to take care of her. Agree to all of it. I need to know that she’ll have someone I trust watching out for her. Doing whatever it takes, even if she has no idea that it’s you behind the curtain. I’d only trust you.”
“She can hardly stand to be in the same city as me, or have you forgotten that?” I reminded him. “Let alone a trip like this.”
“I’m well aware there’s a pile of shit under the bridge between you two. But I also know that losing your dad turned you into a real dick. And once you get around to pulling your head out of your ass, I know that it’s still you in there.” His voice softened. “Just say yes. If you don’t, I’ll haunt the fuck out of you.”
I managed to laugh at that, but the whole thing was killing me.
“Whatever you need,” I quietly promised, feeling the air escape my lungs as I said it loud enough to make it real. “I can promise that Juliet will want for nothing as long as I’m alive, and after I’m gone, too. If that’s how you want it.”
He thanked me then, the relief in his voice utterly gut-wrenching.
“And be nice to her, Si,” he warned. “I mean it. I want you to bring her back to life, not bury whatever’s left of her by then. You’ll have a year to get yourself right. Don’t let this—”
“I won’t,” I interrupted before I had to hear him say it.Don’t let this fuck you up even worse than losing your dad did.
Some things shouldn’t have to be said out loud.
We’d talked a bit more, but mostly left it at that. I was supposed to take care of the woman he loved when he no longer could. The request, I imagine, was excruciating for him.
“I’ll be there Tuesday,” I promised. “As soon as this merger is done. We’ll talk details when I’m back. I’ll get my PA in touch with Monica to sort it all out.”
He let the silence linger before his voice came strained from the other end, “Sure, man, yeah. Monica’s got the details. Thank you, Si. For everything.”
“Just thank me when I get there Tuesday. Better yet, don’t thank me at all.”
I know now that he probably knew he wasn’t going to make it until Tuesday.
His words and the promise I made that day have echoed in my mind ever since.
Even now, I don’t like knowing that my best friend could see right through me all those years the three of us hung out together. Roomed together. Did everything together. Wondering which moment he’d realized that we were both in love with the same girl.
I’d fought hard to hide it, dating anyone who sparked my interest, then became someone even I hardly recognized following my father’s death — the week they got engaged — just to prove to Grant that I didn’t have the slightest romantic feelings toward her. Every woman I was photographed with after that was in stark contrast to the type of woman Jules is. Beautiful, yes, but opposite in everything else. She’d tried to salvage our friendship at first, but I’d pushed against her and pretty soon she’d pushed back. We started butting heads over everything after that. It was the beginning of the end for us.
I sit down and rest my elbows on my desk, rubbing my jaw.
“Do you want to order dinner while we wait?” Dax asks, settling into the chair across from me. “Or head out to that new place you wanted to try over on Avery? A little distraction while you wait to get the news? Either way, I’m good.”
“It’s fine,” I tell him. “I’m sorry. I’ve had a whole year to build this up in my mind, and I really don’t want to let Grant down when she refuses to go because of my stupid past mistakes. You go on with the rest of the legal team.” Dax came out to supervise a handful of junior associates handling a merger for me at his firm. They’ve just completed the deal here today. “Enjoy your night. You guys have plenty to celebrate. I’ll let you know what she says.”
After he heads out, reluctantly, I sit back down, watching the clock tick on the corner of my desk, growing more and more frustrated with every passing minute that I don’t hear the damn phone ring.
I grab my phone to call Monica but it starts ringing before I can punch in her name.
“Monica,” I say instead of hello, my chest constricting so hard I can hardly breathe. “What’d she say?”
“Well, I just got off the phone with her.” Her voice is hesitant.
“And?” I ask, impatiently. “How mad is she?” I grab a pen from my drawer and start tapping it nervously against the edge of the desk.
