Page 93 of The Best Worst Mistake
This isn’t yours to read,my mind begins to scream.
Then my gut joins in the fight.
Stop now — before you see something you can’t un-see.
But I can’t force myself to stop. I pick it back up and scan the page all the way to the end.
Jules.
Fiancé.
Jules.
I’m not just a quick mention here and there. This entire letter is aboutme.
I scold myself harshly for scanning something so personal that isn’t meant for my eyes, and nearly toss it away from myself.But before I can force myself to stick the letter back in the envelope and leave it be, curiosity kills the best part of me.
I very well might hate myself in the morning, but instead of doing what I should, I carefully sit down on the edge of the bathtub and read the entire thing.
Chapter 44
Grant
One year ago
Silas,
I want to thank you for agreeing to take Jules on the trip. I know you’ve been reluctant about the whole thing, and I know there are probably other ways you’d like to spend your time than racing around the world with my fiancé, but you need to know that this plan with Jules means everything to me. You’ve never been one to turn me down in the past, for anything, really, so I appreciate you humoring me by changing your mind.
Considering how you feel, this is all far-fetched, I know, but I hope it works out better in real life than you’re thinking it will.
I’m glad you’re giving Jules a chance to prove to you that she’s changed. That she’s not the same person she was to you so soon after your father passed. There’s a chance that after Jules loses me, she’ll understand what you went through, and how much it changed you afterward. I understand that you two had your differences, but I hope this trip will give you both a chance to reconcile all that, because I need you to take care of her, whether you want to or not.
If that’s the case, and you and Jules are truly able to forgive each other for your errors of the past, then I have one more request ofyou: Do whatever it takes to take care of her. I don’t want her to live the rest of her life missing out or never fully living again.
Nothing about this is easy, so I’m going to say it as quickly and as clearly as I can, because the fact that I’m asking this of you still blows my mind. Like a bad dream I can’t escape from. But the truth is, you’re someone who I know Jules would be happy with. We both know you’ve loved her ever since that stupid day we flipped the coin ten years ago. Believe me, I’ve wrestled with that fact, and maybe even encouraged her to dislike you more after your father died, back when you were throwing yourself off the cliff a bit. But there was a secret part of me that always felt like maybe there was a chance Jules would wise up and choose the better man between the two of us. So when she saw you faltering, I didn’t exactly persuade her to give you the grace you deserved.
I’m sorry for the part I played in that. Or at least for the fact that I didn’t discourage her from acting despondent to the changes we saw you go through back then. Try not to hold it against her. Try to do right by her. No matter how upset you might be.
Life, loss, and friendship are messy. Even more so when there’s love mixed up in the middle of it all, too.
So, here it is in black and white, Si . . .
I’m asking you to love her.
Love Jules.
There it is: the proverbial green light you’ve always dreamed of having. The one that gives you permission to show her that you’ve always loved her — maybe even build a life with her next, if she’ll let you. Make her fall in love with you. Or try. It’s the very least you can do, and you’ll have the chance to try while you’re together on this trip.
I truly believe that, if you’re both willing to set your past differences aside, you could have the most amazing life. You’ll be a good life partner to whoever you choose one day. I know because I got to live a lifetime as your best friend, and it was everything. You were the brother I wanted. The one I chose.
With the hole I’m going to leave behind in both of your lives, I need you to choose Jules to fill it. Not just because I know that deep down you have always loved her, but because I think she could love you too, if the right moment presented itself. We all make mistakes. But missing out on this second chance with her would be the worst mistake of your life.
Sure, try for me, but at the end of the day, try for Jules. And for you, too.
As much as it hurts to imagine. That’s it. My final request.
And no matter what happens, thank you for giving it your all.
