Page 71 of The Best Worst Mistake
He chuckles louder, then sobers enough to answer.
“Vivian was my mother.”
Shit.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Ignore what I just said.” Of course I’d ruin the nice moment we were having.
How did I not know his mother was named Vivian?
“This boat was my father’s. He’d named it after her. I didn’t know it existed until I learned about it in the will.”
The wheel jerks to the right and I shift it to the left, trying to imagine twenty-six-year-old Silas finding out every detail of his parents’ lives through a long will left to him by his father. Finding out there was a boat he never knew existed with a name he never had the heart to change.
“So, you came out here to see her for yourself?” I ask, twisting my cheek over my shoulder.
“More like I tried to drown myself out here, really.”
I gasp and release the wheel, turning around to face him.
He plants his hands on the wheel, now behind me, while I struggle for balance and try not to fall into his chest.
“You didn’t,” I say, holding his shoulders, finding my sea legs.
“Of course I didn’t.” He cracks a smile. “I’m here, aren’t I? I might have been a mess back then, but no. No part of me was actually trying to drown myself, Jules.”
“Jesus Christ, Si.” I smack him on the chest.
I whip back around and place my hands beside his on the wheel again, but feel him slip away from behind me.
“You’re not going anywhere, are you?” I call over my shoulder. I’m definitely not secure enough to hold this monster of a wheel all by myself yet.
“You’ve got this,” he answers, shifting to one side, still keeping one hand firm on the wheel, but planting his feet beside me where I can see him, and he can see me.
“I lived on this boat for a month after I found out about it.”
“You what?” The wind whips around my eyes while I study his hardened features, suddenly aware of how little I see his face without a hint of humor in it. “How did I not know that?”
“You didn’t know a lot about me back then,” he says, smiling. “You only saw what I wanted you to see at the time. Which, turns out, was the absolute worst side of me.”
“I had no idea you went and lived on a boat in Spain for a month. Grant never told me.”
“I tried to get him to join me out here, actually.”
I fall silent.That’sthe Silas I knew. The one who was reckless. The one who would have pulled Grant away from me for a month without thinking twice about what that might do to me, our jobs, or to our relationship.
“He never mentioned that.”
“Probably for the best,” he says, straightening up. “It left me to wrestle with all the demons I had to wrestle with, but completely alone and without him here to do it for me. That month was the beginning of the end.”
“The beginning of the end?” I repeat.What does that mean?
“Hang on, let me shift a few things,” he says, hopping up on the front of the boat before I can stop him.
“No, wait! I’m not ready to hold this without you,” I yell after him, hoping he can hear me against the wind.
“Yes, you are!” he shouts back, ignoring my plea for him to come back. “Just hold her steady. Exactly like you’re doing!”
I grip the wheel tighter, not allowing it to move even an inch while I watch each step he makes like a hawk. Tying a rope off here, clipping another over there, shifting the boom to the exact spot he wants it by tying off a pulley after drawing it taut. Each step is deliberate and smooth, and I can tell he’s done this exact dance withVivia hundred times before.
