Page 102 of The Best Worst Mistake
“He was a better man than I will ever be,” he says into my hair. Then he kisses the top of my head. “I don’t think I could ever imagine you being with anyone else but me if something were to happen. Pretty sure if I was in Grant’s position, my letters would have been full of threats about me haunting you from beyond the grave, and coming up with creative ways to scare anyone else away from you.”
I burst out laughing, knowing he’s telling the truth.
“Same,” I admit, truthfully. “I can’t imagine the strength it must have taken for him to imagine this scenario — not just two people he loved the most living out their lives without him but also doing so together.”
“That was Grant. He taught me more, even after losing him, than he’ll ever know.”
“Funny, he said the same thing about you.” I smile, nestling into his chest again. Then I listen to him breathe for a few moremoments, reveling in the fact that our day could have ended so differently from this. “Are you sure I can’t get you anything else? More pain meds? A snack? What do you need?”
He tightens his arm around me, planting another kiss on the top of my head, and I lean up on my elbow to face him. I push my cheek into his palm, loving the warmth of it.
“I have everything I need right here,” he says.
I lean in to kiss him, gently.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper, pulling back. “I already feel like all this was my fault. We’d be dining in there” — I point out the window — “without a broken elbow instead of lying in here, if I hadn’t run off.”
“Jules, I would have been hit by a bus instead of a bike if it meant getting to have this moment with you by the end of today,” he says. The serious tone of his voice makes me laugh, the sound of it ringing through the room, but when I open my eyes to look up at him, there’s more written on his face than could ever be conveyed with words. “So much had to happen for us to get here. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop feeling like you deserve so much more than me. But if every mistake we’ve made has brought us right here to this moment, then I would make every stupid mistake over and over to get back here to you. I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you. To take care of you.”
I need to ask the question I’ve had in my mind ever since last night. “And not just because he requested that of you?” I ask, afraid he might stumble or stutter through his answer, leaving me to question it, always.
He pulls me back so I can see his eyes more clearly. “I could never try to fake feelings like this, if that’s what you’re asking,” he says, his voice deep. “That letter you read last night made it sound like everything that’s happened between us was simply me fulfilling a promise to Grant. But that letter was also written by someone who took a wild guess at how I felt aboutyou. I would have never told Grant while he was alive that you were always it for me. That no woman I’ve ever dated or spent time with has ever compared to you. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Jules. From the first time you smiled at us, asking for a pen, when I swear I saw a few sitting in your bag just before. I loved you that night we spent on the beach after graduation. And I loved you when I pulled up at your house before we even started this crazy trip. I loved you when you were pushing me out of your foyer, so fucking mad, and I’ve even loved you in my dreams. I never wanted to love you, Jules. But I’ve also never been able to stop.”
My face flushes, held steady by his hand. “He suspected it,” I tell him, quietly, “and I think he sent us here on this tripbecausehe knew.”
“Yes, Grant had it figured out. I never, ever admitted it to him, but I didn’t have to.”
I take a long, cleansing breath, feeling more sure now than ever when I tell him what I’ve already known deep down. “I love you, too, Si,” I say. And just hearing how sure I sound makes me smile. “I’ve always loved you. First as my friend, and even when I thought I hated you, I still loved you. And now, after today, I know I never want to lose you again.”
Chapter 50
Silas
I don’t know which is better: hearing Jules say she loves me, or the way her lips find mine in the near-dark while the Eiffel Tower springs to life, sparkling like a thousand camera flashes outside the enormous window at our feet. The tower glitters like this every hour, perfectly timed to echo the fluttering now inside my chest.
This isn’t how today was supposed to go. We’re supposed to be dining in that tower right now, but this is somehow, even with my arm in a cast, so much better.
“Wait!” Jules pulls back from my lips long before I’m ready. “I have something for you to see.”
She slips out from under my arm. I watch her leave the room, wishing whatever it was could wait. Then I hear some paper rustling around, and the clinking of glasses. A moment later, she reappears wearing a short gold dress. It’s covered in tiny sequins, and she sparkles like the Eiffel Tower with every micromovement she makes. She’s holding two glasses and a longneck bottle of champagne. The sight of her standing in the dark, lit only by the glittering tower and firelight takes my breath away. I wish I wasn’t laid up in bed with half of one arm rendered useless.
“What’s this?” I ask, grinning.
“We were supposed to be having dinner over there,” she says, nodding toward the window. “This champagne was to pop open beforehand. I think it’s meant to be a little celebration for making it all the way through our trip without killing each other.”
She smiles.
“And that dress?” I ask, eyeing her up and down. She’s barefoot, which I think I prefer to any heels she would have chosen to go with it. Her long blonde hair is down, cascading across her shoulders, while she’s barely got any makeup left from the tears she shed beside me.
Jules is stunning. Always.
“A little something I was supposed to wear to dinner tonight, I guess,” she says, smiling. “The note that came with it only had three words attached.”
I widen my eyes, wondering what could possibly be written to make sense of a dress like that.
“For starting over,” she tells me, smiling.
“Wow,” I say, feeling speechless.
