Page 55 of Rogue Cowboy
And if not, make one.
He wanted to grab her and run and get away from all these people.She trusted him.The rest—building a family with her, being able to reintegrate into his Texas family and finally feel whole—would take more time.
But that was the flaw.She trusted him.
So he had to stand still.Relax.Breathe.Not see the upper windows of something called Grey’s Saloon as a place for a sniper’s nest.There wasn’t even that big of a police presence in his opinion.And the officers who were stationed milled around chatting.One even held a baby and took a selfie.Others handed out candy and stickers to kids while other men—he assumed vets—handed out small American flags.
“Cole.”Riley laid her hand on his left arm.“We’re safe,” she said earnestly, her deep blue eyes purpled in their sincerity, and the silver fish on the necklace he’d given her last night caught the light.
He nodded.
She shocked him by pressing her body against his, one arm looped around his neck, and the subtle blend of orange, honeysuckle and vanilla was so intoxicating he felt drunk.She stood on tiptoes and her hair brushed his lips.
“I got you,” she said.Then she stepped back, and a playful grin chased across her features.“Do you want your own cheesy yummy deliciousness?”Riley asked, holding up the three grilled cheese sandwiches they’d bought from a food truck called The Melt.“Or are you willing to share so you can try different flavors?”
“I’m up for sharing,” he said, trying to keep it casual when he felt anything but.
The intensity of his feelings had been building over the last three days, and he didn’t want to freak Riley out.Hell, he was freaking himself out, if he thought about it.He wished he was different, lighter, not somber, not a man braced for the worst.
He felt trapped on the street, hyper alert.His mind mapped out an escape route even as Riley unwrapped one of the grilled cheeses—smoked Gruyère with mustard and pickles and a slim slice of honey-baked ham.She pulled it apart and he watched the cheese stretch and stretch and steam.
Smiling, she handed him half and then broke apart a smaller chunk and bit into it.She closed her eyes and sighed, and the desire that burned through him both shocked and pissed him off.
He needed to take care with her.Not to ever put his needs first.She deserved to be cherished.Savored, like she was doing with the sandwich.
“Take a bite,” she advised, her smile beginning to fade.“Cole?”
He took a bite.Chewed.The flavors rushed around his mouth—sweet, tangy, savory, and the sourdough bread had a crunch that was appealing.
“Delicious.”
She watched him, her second bite suspended near her tempting mouth.“Is it the crowd?”Despite her impossibly fair hair that made her look like a glowing princess, her brows were darker and they angled down in concern.
“I’m good,” he lied.He took another bite of the sandwich to shut down that conversation.She didn’t have to worry about him.She was his to care for.He wondered if Riley would find that sexist.Was he supposed to pretend to be different?
He clocked the enthusiasm of the crowd—the waving flags, the kids decked out like cowboys and cowgirls, vendors selling rodeo swag.This was Riley’s home.Her family was here.For the first time he wondered what he was doing.Was he really going to take her away from this?Would she want to come to Texas?
The flavors of the sandwich blended to gritty sand in his mouth.What was he going to do if she wanted to stay?Her family was as established in Montana as his was in Texas.
During his last leave when he’d been organizing to come home for good, the months away, and the weeks back, no one had pushed him to talk about his feelings.His plans.His paw-paw had just slapped him on the back and said, “Good to have you home, son.”His maw-maw had hugged him and held his forearms and stared at him with an intensity that could strip paint.“This is your home.It will always be your home,” she’d decreed.
There’d been more.Offers of time to settle in.They still had his college fund—fat with enough money he could get any degree he wanted.Or a job on the ranch.
He’d always planned to make Texas and the ranch his home.He owed his family.They’d cared for him when he’d been orphaned, and as they aged they’d need him, though they had most of their family close.But he’d never felt he’d belonged in the same way his cousins had.His cousins, uncles and aunts all had careers on the ranch or in Last Stand.Purpose.Lives.He felt adrift.Finding Riley and bringing her home was going to be his anchor.
“When Rohan came home for Christmas before this past one, he had trouble assimilating back into the family,” she said while Cole took another bite.He didn’t want to try to avoid her scrutiny.
He chewed and tried not to feel stripped naked.
“He didn’t feel like he belonged.We were too boisterous.Inside jokes.He felt like we were a unit, and he was on the outside, not sure how to get back in or if he wanted to.”
“He told you that?”Cole was shocked.Rohan had been a soldier nearly as shut down and serious as he had been.
“Over time.”Riley’s smile bloomed.“I pushed.A lot.”She popped another bite of the savory cheese sandwich in her mouth and chewed.She rocked back on her boots and looked a little smug.“Good thing to keep in mind while you’re wooing.”
Then she sobered and unwrapped the second sandwich that was melty Brie cheese, which he wasn’t sure he’d ever tasted before, and something called chutney.He took the half she offered.
“We didn’t do our best initially,” she said softly, her smile fading.“We were so thrilled he was home that we just dragged him back into the heart of our family, trying so hard.We have always been a big Christmas celebration family—so many traditions and all the happy, all the lights, the crowds, the memories: the Marietta Stroll, the gingerbread-house decorating, Christmas-tree-decorating competition and auction—it was too much for him.And the harder we tried, the more he tried to cover how much he wanted to retreat.”
