Page 29 of Rogue Cowboy
“Nowhere,” she admitted.
The server came, giving Riley time to calm herself and order her favorite meal she was sure she couldn’t eat.When the server left, she could feel Cole’s questions beating at her.
“Why did you stop singing?Performing?”
She could feel the pull of his will, and all the excuses she’d fed her family over the years just felt like trying to catch the rain.She swallowed, but her favorite food tasted like nothing, and she felt she’d choke on it.
“I…I…feel—” how to explain “—hyper aware of myself and everything around me.Like I’m on a stage and everyone’s staring, even though they probably aren’t, and I know that feels so arrogant, and I feel like everyone will know that I…I…” She faltered under his intense regard.“It’s hard to act normal,” she finished in a rush.
Cole reangled his body, so he could look at her, and one finger stroked along her jaw.
“Did you meet with a counselor as you promised?”
She ducked her head.She thought of all the internal excuses she’d used—she didn’t want to talk about it.She was a Montana cowgirl.She didn’t want to hurt her family.And now, it was so long ago she should be over it.But she knew he’d see right through her.
“I should be over it.I am over it.Mostly.”Him arriving was what was messing with her, but even as she had the thought, she swallowed the words.They were cruel and not fair.He’d done her a solid—more than a solid.Above and beyond, and she had to suck it up and talk about it because he wanted to talk about it.
And as she looked into those inky-blue midnight eyes, she tried to calm her galloping heart.Her blunt, erratic breaths that burned.
But how when her own family saw what she wanted them to see?
“You did nothing wrong, Riley.You were targeted.Attacked.Those men wanted to hurt you.Take your power.”
“They and others wanted me to be a pop star.Be sexier,” she remembered, hurt leaking through.She hadn’t been enough and then…
“Look at me,” Cole said softly.“See me.Breathe.”
She stared at him, helpless to look away.She couldn’t even find her anger that he’d used that word.She hated that word.Hated it.Hated it.Hated it.
“In for four.Hold.Out for four.”He matched the softly spoken words to her actions, and she felt her limbs relax a little.She’d come back faster this time, but she could still feel her heart, and from Cole’s forefinger on her fluttering pulse in her neck, she could tell he was counting her BPM.
“I don’t want to be someone you have to take care of,” she whispered, willing the prick of tears away.She didn’t want to explain what looked like an intimacy to her family.
He smiled ruefully, and the sight was so unexpected, she circled her fingers around his wrist.
“Good because I was hoping you’d take care of me.”
So Cole.Sweet.Trying to make her feel whole when she was a disaster.
“I want to be strong,” she said.“Like I was.”
“You were this morning when you performed what Petal informed me was the suicide drop.Scared ten years off my life.”
“I hope not.”
Cole said he’d mustered out.She wanted him to have a long and happy life.He’d earned it.In Texas.With a woman who was not her.She hated the spurt of jealousy.Cole wasn’t hers to keep except in name.
“You looked joyful.”
She blinked, surprised by his impression.
“The night I first saw you, your spark was so bright enough to blind me.You were magic.”
But she wasn’t that woman anymore.Would never be.
“Today, I saw a glimpse of it again.”
Had he?She’d definitely felt like herself again as Cinnamon had loped around the small arena, her dangling, feeling fully alive.
