Page 45 of Salvation
“Kenji begged me to save him, but I spat on him instead. I think that had an effect on the Anferthians because their commanding officer turned me around and studied my face. Somehow heknewwhat Kenji had done to me, I saw it in his eyes. Then, he said, ‘A pain for a pain. Make his last moments linger,’ to his soldiers in Japanese. He turned me back and made me watch.” Her eyes had gone distant again. “I did not look away once. I never knew it could take so long to kill a man.”
God, she was back there in her mind, seeing that memory play out again.
Sakura shook her head and met his gaze. “After that, the commanding officer took me into his personal custody. We traveled to a slave ship, the one I told you about, in India.”
Nick released his breath in a long gust and ran one hand through his hair. “Thank you for telling me, Saku.”
“There is more.”
He blinked. “Okay.”
Sakura unfolded from her defensive position on the chair, feet on the floor, elbows holding up her slumped form over her knees. She looked…defeated.
“The Anferthian officer was High Linguist Dryas Jasan, and he was a dissenter. He brought me to a Matiran Healer being held on the slaver. She discovered I was pregnant and I was given the choice of continuing or ending the pregnancy.” She sat up straight as her expression turned fierce, her hands covered her belly. “No child of mine was going to be born a slave.”
The depth of sorrow in her dark eyes told him her decision still haunted her, and what a horrible choice for a sixteen-year-old to have to make. While she had been making life-altering choices, he had been whining how unfair it was to be stuck with the power to heal with a touch. God, he was such a self-centered ass.
Even knowing Kenji was dead, his fingers itched to choke the life out of him. Over the years, Nick’s personal beliefs had become aligned with the Matirans. Yes, there were down sides to a matriarchal society from a male’s point of view, but a number of the gender-related problems that had once been commonplace on Terr no longer existed. He loved his home-world, yet he had changed as much as it had.
His gaze took in every centimeter of her face. “He was wrong you know. You are without a doubt the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.”
Pink blossomed on her cheeks, and tears brimmed in her eyes again. “I am tired of living with this burden, Nick. I know there is something you can do about it, a method of healing I have heard about but have not learned yet.”
“Anagas namis, the process of reorganizing traumatic memories. Dante did it for Gryf once. It’s not about wiping out the memory, but relocating it so it can no longer dominate your life, even at random intervals.” Very few healers could erase memories, and he wasn’t one of them. Which was fine. That wasn’t something he ever wanted to be able to do to another person. “There are some things about it that might change your mind, though.”
She shook her head. “I doubt anything could, but tell me anyway.”
How was he going to explaindiorgato her? It wasn’t exactly an easy process to go through since it involved giving up control to gain control. She wasn’t going to like that. Then, again, this particular memory had dominated and defined her life for so long, maybe she really would be okay with it.
“All right. Let’s do this in your room. You’re going to be exhausted afterward and will need to sleep. I’ll explain on the way.”
Her even, white teeth caught her bottom lip for a brief moment. “Do you want to change back into your clothes, first?”
He glanced down at towel still wrapped around his waist. Of all the stupid things…. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Be right back.”
He ducked back into the bathroom, redressed in record time, and returned to his bedroom. Sakura still sat in the chair, looking down at her tightly clasped hands in her lap. Her imagination was probably not doing anything to help comfort her.
“You ready?”
She shrugged, then nodded. He extended his hand to her. Her gaze seemed to rivet on it, then she slowly slipped her hand into his.
~*~
A tremble stuttered down Sakura’s spine as she lowered herself into her tub. Steam rose from the water’s surface and she inhaled deeply through her nose, seeking comfort in the swirls of lavender-scented moisture. Nick had insisted she take a hot bath to relax before they started, and she could not argue with him. Especially after he had explained that she would have to willingly and fully give up control over her memories in order to gain back control over her life. How was she going to do that? She slipped down until her head was submerged and silence filled her ears. In reality, she had not been in control for seven years, and she wanted it back in the worst way. Enough to allow Nick access to her memories.
She broke the surface, swiping her hands over her face and hair before stepping from the tub. This would be okay. After all they had been through together, and the compassion he had shown during her confession earlier, she trusted Nick in a way she had never trusted anyone before. Their work with the dissenters had strengthened their relationship beyond mere friendship or the magister-disipula bond. It was difficult to imagine working with any other healer besides him. Including Magister Dacian, who had earned her trust more easily than any man had since the occupation. Hopefully turning down Nick’s suggestion that Magister join them for this healing had not been a mistake. Waking him up so late in the evening did not seem fair, and she felt more comfortable leaning on Nick for what would certainly be a disturbingly intimate procedure.
By now, Nick should be finished meditating. She toweled her hair and body, wrapped her confidence around her along with her pink silk robe, then stepped from the warm comfort of the bathroom and into her room. The pleasant scent of incense reached her nose, and the lights were dimmed. A small thrill of excitement and apprehension tingled in her belly.
“Are you ready?” Nick asked softly from where he sat cross-legged on the floor next to her bed.
The words stuck in her throat, leaving her with no choice but to nod. After all these years, it was time to be free of Kenji once and for all.
Nick rose from the floor and gestured toward the bed with one hand. If a man’s hands could be considered beautiful, then his could be described that way. Long, slender, and gentle, yet strong enough to cast away the years of pain inside her.
“Go on and make yourself comfortable, Saku,” he told her, his voice smooth as the surface of a reflecting pool. “Let me know when you’re ready.”
She did as he asked, sinking into the softness of her mattress and adjusting her robe. Then she gazed up at Nick standing at the bedside. This was it. She was going through with this, no matter what. “Okay. I am as ready as I can be, I suppose.”
