Page 86 of Searching for Sadie
By the time they made it all the way up to his room she still wanted to do this, but some of her confidence had withered away.
When she walked into his bedroom the lamp on the side of his bed was on. As crossed over to that side of the bed she switched off the light leaving them in darkness.
"Oh Songbird, that's not going to do," he said in a low voice as she switched on the light on his side.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Come here," he said as he moved to sit at the foot of the bed.
She gave him a questioning look, but as he reached his hand out, she took and allowed herself to be pulled to the end of the bed until she was positioned between his legs facing him.
He cupped her face and kissed her. "Sadie, you are beautiful. You know that, right?"
Why was he doing this? This wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to forget how the show has made her feel, not talk about it. But he seemed to have a different idea. He took her chin in his hand and made her look him in the eyes. The vulnerability of it all made her want to run.
The next thing she knew he was kissing her, and yes, this is what she wanted. He was pressing slow kisses to her neck as he slid her shorts down her legs. Then his hands slowly trailed back up her legs and started to push her shirt up as his hands trailed over the dips and curves of her waist. His mouth left the column of her throat just long enough to slip her shirt over her head. He trails kisses along her collar bone as he undid her bra, kissing each shoulder and he slips it from her shoulders.
Then he did something she wasn't expecting. He turned her to face the mirror. There in the reflection above his dresser was her naked body covered only scarcely by his arms wrapped around her.
She tried to turn back, but he wasn't having it.
"What do you see?" he asked quietly.
"Lucas..."
"No, Songbird. What do you see? Because all I see is perfection."
"Perfection?" she said with a huff.
"Yes. Perfection." he said firmly.
"I'll tell you what I want to see," he said before he pressed another kiss to the top of her shoulder.
When she looked in the mirror, she saw herself, and in this moment, it wasn't what she wanted to see. There were times she could ignore the stretch marks that lined her belly and hips, she could ignore the way her belly hung in a way she didn't like, she could ignore the way her full breasts hung. There was nothing perky about her. While it wasn't necessarily something she lovedabout herself, it didn't usually bother her. It was her body. It gave her the same pleasure and pain as everyone else.
The shame that was there when she looked in the mirror was an old enemy, one she thought she had conquered, but after hearing how unattractive she was for weeks on end, it was louder than ever.
She quickly looked away, looking down at her feet, fighting the urge to put her clothes back on and run.
"Look," Lucas encouraged.
"I don't want to," she muttered.
"Look at yourself, please."
Somehow, she managed to drag her gaze back up to the mirror, but instead of looking at her body her eyes connected with Lucas's.
"Let me tell you what I see."
She leaned into him as his arms wrapped around her waist.
"I see a beautiful woman."
Sadie rolled her eyes.
"Don't do that. I mean it. You are beautiful. You have eyes I could get lost in and a smile that lights up the whole room."
"Yeah, I got a pretty face," she said, dismissing him.
