Page 108 of Searching for Sadie
The audience and the cast on stage all shifted surprised by her frankness.
"Just a reminder to watch your language please, we are live," said the host with a tight smile.
"I'm just being honest. I mean one of us has to be."
"Sadie, come on," Ryan said, trying to dismiss her.
"You came to my town with a producer. I was tricked into a lunch with you where you asked me to befriend you publicly on social media before I asked you to leave. Correct?"
"Well," Ryan said as he adjusted his suit jacket on the couch, sitting forward. "I have a different recollection."
"Bullshit."
"Sadie, please, language," The host tried to interrupt, but Sadie didn't even stop to acknowledge him.
"Ryan, just be honest. You wanted to change the narrative, so you didn't look as bad. You accused me of lying. You said awful things about me. Just because I chose to disengage doesn't mean you get to change the whole thing to suit you."
"And why do I look bad, Sadie? I look bad because maybe you didn't 'lie'" he said with finger quotes. "But you were misleading about your lived experience."
"How?"
"I think it would have come up."
"What?"
"You know what."
"Say it."
He crossed his arms and sat back on the couch not meeting her eyes. Lucas wanted to cheer, but the audience was quiet. Everyone's attention wrapped on what was happening.
"I know who I am. I know I'm fat. That doesn't change who I am. Has it shaped the way I see the world? Yes. But this whole thing is about falling in love without seeing each other. I am who I am because of the way I look."
Ryan just glared at her.
"I never lied or tried to be something I wasn't. When we talked about family and music and all of those things we initially bonded over, I never once lied."
"And what, I committed some big sin of not being attracted to you?" he bit at her.
Lucas's fist clenched.
"No, Ryan, it is not a big sin. It's the way you handled it. The way you made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Then the way you made me feel like I needed to change myself. You put it all on me."
The host shifted in her seat uncomfortably trying to get the control back.
"Wow, that's a lot of feelings let's bring –"
"And what, you're some martyr, and I'm the big bad guy because of my preference."
"Oh, fuck you!"
The audience gasped and Lucas was fairly certain he cheered.
"You are the bad guy because you acted like an ass. Because you were too scared to ask yourself if it mattered. Society has shaped the way you view women and you're an ass for not attempting to question it. Even if you did that and you still decided there was no chemistry, which would have been fine. You decided it was my fault. And that is why you're the bad guy."
The whole place was silent, and jaws were on the floor.
"Sadie," he pulled back like he was going to say something, but then one of the guys next to him on the couch stopped him.
