Page 79 of Open Secrets
Lyle sets down his fork, his jaw tightening. “It’s not just that, Maria.”
I frown. “Then what is it?”
He stares at the table, his voice low but sharp. “I gave twenty-five years to the Army. Twenty-five years. And now what—I just walk away with regret?”
The words sit heavy between us, heavier than the plates on the table. His hand curls into a fist against the wood, and for once,he looks less like my husband and more like one of those soldiers who doesn’t know how to put his weapon down, even when the war’s already over.
I reach across the booth, laying my hand over his fist until I feel his fingers slowly loosen. “You won’t walk away with regret,” I tell him. “Not if you come home to us. Not if you let yourself actually live outside of that uniform.”
He glances up at me, eyes dark, searching.
I force a small smile. “Besides, you’ll have me around to nag you every time you look too wistful at the flag.”
That earns me the tiniest huff of a laugh, but I can tell—he’s not all the way convinced.
I try to take his mind off it, but I don’t think I succeed. We spend the rest of the drive trying to come up with ways to deal with the drama, but honestly, we have nada. Nothing.
The next three days are spent in limbo. He won’t talk to me, won’t even really look at me. It’s like living with a ghost in army-issue sweats. So I decide to unleash it somewhere else.
That Thursday, I walk into Dr. Nina’s office and collapse on the couch. I don’t even bother with pleasantries. I just start talking.
“…and now he won’t even talk about it!” I throw my hands up. “Like somehowI’mthe problem here. Like he’s the one being blackmailed andI’mthe drama.”
Dr. Nina just blinks at me calmly. “That must be frustrating.”
I give her a look. A full-onduhface.
She doesn’t flinch. She never does. “Let’s go back a step,” she says gently. “This woman—Cece. Was she a relationship?”
I shrug, picking at a loose thread on the cushion. “Friends with benefits.”
Her eyes stay steady on me. “You’re very unbothered about that.”
Another shrug. “What can I do? It’s not like he cheated. And besides, it’s in the past. I promised not to get mad about it anymore.”
Dr. Nina tilts her head. “It’s not in the past anymore, is it? It’s in the present now. And it’s threatening your future.”
I freeze, the words sinking like stones.
So I shrug again, sharper this time. “What do you want me to do?”
Her lips twitch into the tiniest smile. “Be honest.”
I press my tongue against my teeth, tracing the edge like I might bite through it. “Maybe…” I mutter, “I’m a little annoyed that he saw her. Often.”
Dr. Nina stays quiet, the silence pressing in.
It makes me restless. I get up, pacing, throwing my hands into the air. “Fine, I’m pissed, okay? I’m pissed! I mean—God—you would think a man who’s only seen one woman naked for fifteen years would—I don’t know—want variety at least! But no, instead he gets into a relationship. A whole damnrelationship! What even is that?”
My voice cracks, too loud for the calm office, and I realize I’m standing in front of the window, glaring at my reflection like it’s got the answers.
She says softly, “Would you have preferred he sleep with various women instead of one?”
“Yes!” I snap, spinning around so fast my hair whips my face. “Yes, I would. That would mean it wasn’t about me.”
Her brows lift slightly. “In what way?”
I turn back toward her, leaning against the window sill like it’s the only thing holding me up. My voice comes out jagged. “One woman. If he wanted one woman, then what was wrong with me?”
