Page 55 of Open Secrets
I step inside anyway, leaning on the frame for a beat. I knew buying him this console was a mistake—cheaper than the Xbox, sure, but I didn’t count on him figuring out how to load it with pirated games.
I take a seat on his bed. “So, what are you playing?”
He exhales hard, like my presence alone is exhausting. “Ghost of Tsushima.”
I nod, watching the screen. “And you’re a ghost?”
Another sigh—longer this time. He stabs a button, pausing the game, then sets the controller down with a loud clack. His tone’s sharp when he says, “What?”
I tilt my head. My chest tightens, but my voice stays even. “I might be an absent asshole, but that doesn’t give you the right to be a disrespectful shit.”
His gaze drops instantly. “Sorry.”
I let the word settle before I speak again. “I heard what you said downstairs. And… I’m sorry too. For letting you down.” My throat works, tight. “I thought I was doing well. Had a beautiful family, a decorated career. But I guess I was only being responsible for one of them.”
He shifts, looking away, awkward now. “You weren’t all bad. I mean—before. You know, before Rain… you weren’t gone that often.”
I open my mouth, close it, then nod slowly. “That’s true.” My eyes lift to the ceiling, like maybe the words are easier if I’m not looking at him. “I told myself I was doing it for the extra income, but…”
The rest dies in my throat. I shouldn’t be unloading on him like this—he’s a kid. My kid. But he deserves the truth.
I force myself to meet his eyes. “I was a coward. I couldn’t watch your sister suffer, so I didn’t. I left your mom to deal with it alone, and I called it noble.”
Confusion flickers across his face—hurt, too, though he tries to mask it.
“The reason I’m saying all this,” I continue, my voice rough, “is because you need to know what not to be. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Don’t run because it’s easier.”
A humourless smile twists my mouth. “I moulded myself after my father. And I hated him. I don’t want us to be like that.”
Remi fiddles with a strand of hair that’s fallen into his eyes, twisting it around his finger. His voice is low, almost embarrassed. “I don’t hate you, Dad.”
My chest tightens. I let out a shaky laugh and shake my head. “Thank God for miracles.”
The corner of his mouth twitches, and for the first time in a long time, I see my boy instead of the wall he keeps between us.
“I am retiring,” I say, steady this time. “I’ve given twenty-five years to the army. It’s time I give the rest of my years to my family. To your mom. To all of you.”
His brow furrows, cautious. “So… you’ll just be home? Like, all the time?”
“Yeah.” I smile, leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I mean, I might still take a few classes at the school—teach, maybe—but I’ll be home.”
He studies me like he’s waiting for the catch, waiting for me to take it back. His hands fidget in his lap, and I can tell he wants to believe me but doesn’t know how to yet.
So I don’t push. I just sit there, letting the words hang between us, solid and true.
I will fulfil this promise.
The words settle in my chest as I leave Remi to his ghosts, the blue glow of the console washing over him. He doesn’t look back at me when I shut the door, but I don’t need him to—not yet.
I believe it when I crawl into bed that night and fall asleep with Maria warm against me. I believe it when I wake up in the morning and kiss her goodbye, her hair still tangled from sleep, her hand tightening on my shirt like she wants me to stay.
I believe it all the way down the road, each step carrying me closer to a new life, a new start.
I believe it right up until I knock on Command Shmuel’s door.
The lock clicks, the door swings open, and I step into a house I’ve been in a hundred times before—straight into the sight of my parents sitting on his sofa like they belong there.
Well. Fuck.
