Page 106 of Don't Make Me Beg
Luka scoots closer, his palm cupping my cheek as he straightens my glasses. His grin grows wider, and he shrugs. “What can I say, we were just giving the people what they wanted.”
His eyes drop to my lips and then back up to meet my gaze as his hand slides to the back of my head. I lean into his touch, loving how possessive and intentional he is, like he can’t help himself. It’s like there’s this magnetic pull between us, and he’s finally tired of fighting it.
“It seems you have a knack for that.” I kiss his wrist as his fingers move through my hair, my gaze never leaving his. “I guess you’ve always been that way, though. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back, I can see it. You always anticipated what I needed, always paid attention.”
“Yeah, well, in my defense, it was pretty hard not to.” He swallows thickly, and my eyes narrow in on his Adam’s apple. “You needed me, and it felt so good to be there for you, to know that I was the one to make you laugh when you came to school sad. That I was the only one who knew what your voice sounded like for almost an entire school year.”
He shrugs again, then pulls me into his lap. I wrap my legs on either side of him as his hands move up and down my back, our eyes and lips only inches apart. It’s as if he’s gazing straight intomy soul, seeing me in all my brokenness, completely as I am. All our unspoken truths bubbling to the surface.
I breathe in a sigh, needing to speak my piece and finally clear the air. “You were always there for me, and when you needed me the most, I turned my back on you…”
Luka shakes his head, pulling me into a hug. “No, baby, don’t do that to yourself. That was a long time ago, and you’re right, you never asked me to do it.” He pulls away from our hug, trying to get me to look at him, but I can’t.
“I should’ve told you from the beginning, but I didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.” I shake my head as my eyes well with tears.
Luka brushes my tears from my cheek as he holds my face between his hands. “There’s nothing you can say that’s going to make me hate you, Scout. I promise, baby, I’ve put the past behind me. It’s all over.”
“That night, after you got arrested, I went to my dad and told him everything. That I’d been the one who spray-painted the building and that you took the fall to protect me. I begged him to help you get off, begged him to bring me up there so I could tell everyone that it was me… He was so angry, but it was late and he promised he’d try to smooth things over the next morning.
“He must’ve stayed up all night making plans.
“The next morning, I got in the car, thinking we were going to the police station, but when we passed it, the car didn’t stop. I cried and pleaded for them to go back, but the decision had been made. On the drive to my new school, the one I didn’t even apply for, he informed me of the new plan. That I could kiss my dreams of art school goodbye, and if I tried to fight him on it, he’d make sure you saw the fullest sentence possible.” I shake my head as the streams of tears fall down my cheeks. “I had no idea he’d gone back on his word, Luka. You have to believe me.”
“I believe you, Scout,” he says, smoothing my hair like he’s trying to comfort me.
“I did everything he asked me to do. I played by his rules and even agreed to date Jimmy. But as soon as I learned what happened, that you’d gone to prison for it, I freaked out. I left school and drove straight to the prison. I needed to see you, to explain.”
His expression tightens, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets me finish.
“That’s when I ran into Jett. He was outside waiting to go in.” My eyes fall as I finally tell him the truth. “He told me to leave you alone, that I’d ruined your life enough. That you were finally starting to heal and seeing me would only do more damage. He asked me to stay away from you; that there was nothing I could say that would ever make you forgive me, so I may as well take advantage of your sacrifice. That you were better off without me.”
My sobs finally overtake me, and Luka’s arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. “Shh, baby, you’re okay. I’m not upset with you. Not anymore. You never asked me to do what I did, and it wasn’t fair of me to punish you for that,” he whispers between my sobs, kissing my head like he’s trying to take the guilt from me.
“But… How can you forgive me so easily?”
He pulls away to look at me, a small smile curving at his lips. “I don’t know if I’d say it was easy.” He brushes a thumb over my cheek. “I’ll admit, I was angry, but more than anything, I felt betrayed after I didn’t hear from you. I think a part of me always knew your father was the culprit, but it felt good directing my anger toward you. I needed to hate you because it was the only way to heal my broken heart.” He shakes his head. “But knowing you showed up, that you tried to make things right, fuck, that’s all the explanation I need. I don’t hate you, Scout. Far from it.”
“Please don’t be mad at Jett,” I say through sniffles. I sit up, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “He was just trying to help you. I shouldn’t have listened to him. I should’ve tried harder.”
“I’m not mad at him either. His intentions were good. He was doing what he thought I needed, trying to protect me.”
“You’re really not mad? Because you have every right to be. You have every right to hate me. I ruined your life, Luka.”
He quirks a brow in challenge, his lips pulling into a smirk. “Let’s be real, Scout. I don’t think my life’s turned out to be too shabby. I’m a lot luckier than most people I met in prison.”
“Do you hear yourself right now? I know you don’t think it’s a big deal, but I robbed you of three years of your life. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not haunted by that. Sometimes the guilt is so strong I think it’s going to eat me alive.”
Luka takes my hand and kisses me on the wrist. “You’ve carried that weight for long enough, and I want you to know I forgive you. I forgave you as soon as I knew you’d gotten away.” Then he does the same to my other hand before wrapping my arms around his neck. “I think over time, I started to find comfort in the anger I felt toward you. Because as fucked up as it may be, anger was the closest thing to love I could feel.”
I suck in a breath as his words hang in the air between us.
“I was just thankful that I could still feel something for you. Like my anger and your guilt were the invisible ropes tying us together. I’d have happily festered in my anger toward you for the rest of my life if you hadn’t shown back up. And the moment I realized I was in a position to help you, I couldn’t volunteer fast enough.”
“Luka—”
“Come on, there’s one more surprise I want to show you.” Without another word, I let him lead me back to his bike.
A little while later, after a silent motorcycle ride through the mountains giving us both time to clear our heads, Luka pulls up to his house. We make our way inside as my nervous butterflies transform into bats in my belly. Tonight, Luka’s shown me a whole new side to him, a side I never knew he’d been hiding.
