Page 109 of Don't Make Me Beg
He spins me around to face him, lifting my chin as he studies me for a long moment, as if silently asking if I’m okay.
I bite my bottom lip and stare up at him, eagerly waiting for him to tell me what to do next.
“Yes,” he finally says.
I swallow a gulp. I don’t think I was expecting him to be quite so straightforward.
“I would ask you if that’s okay, but I really don’t care. I already have a list of your limits, and do you remember your safe word?”
My nod is slow as I whisper, “Yes.”
Without breaking eye contact, he begins to loosen his tie. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Tonight we’re going to practice something…” He leads me over to the bed and takes a seat, pulling me to stand between his legs. His hands are planted firmly on my hips, his fingers tracing the skin beneath the hem of my shirt.
“I think you could do a better job of speaking up for yourself when you need help, don’t you? So instead of me taking the lead tonight, I think I’ll let you be the one in control.” He scoots back against the headboard, his arms moving to rest beneath his head. “I’ll do anything you tell me to do, but you’re going to be the one who calls the shots.”
Realization has my lips twisting in concern. “But… I thought you… I’m not really good at all this,” I start, gesturing to the assortment of toys surrounding us. “I thought you liked to be the one in control.”
A smirk pulls at his lips. “Yes, baby, I do like to be in control… But I think you need to practice speaking up for yourself. So, like I said, I’ll do anything you tell me to do… but you’re going to have to be the one who asks for it.”
Anxiety surges through me, and I know there’s no use in arguing about it. Luka is way too stubborn to change his mind. I close my eyes and take a long inhale, urging my walls back down. He’s right, this is completely out of my comfort zone, but when has staying in my comfort zone ever really worked out for me?
Luka gives me a sense of confidence and freedom; he’s opened the door to a whole new world for me, and now it’s my turn to take the next step. I want to learn more about myself, about the things that excite me and make me feel alive. And he’s giving me the freedom and space to explore, judgment-free, knowing I’ve never had the luxury to do so before now.
So I guess the first thing I need to decide is…
What do I want?
The question is simple, but the unlimited options it presents feel overwhelming, and I feel myself start to panic as my brain starts to spiral over every potential decision.
“Hey, look at me,” Luka commands, his voice anchoring me back in the moment.
I blink open my eyes to find his gaze locked on me. “Breathe.” He places a palm over my chest, and I take a long, slow inhale, matching his pace as my panic begins to fade away.
“There you go.” His lips curl into a smile, and seeing how proud he is of me, gives me the last bit of confidence I need.
“Now tell me, baby, what do you want from me? My body is all yours.”
I wet my lips, my pulse is skyrocketing in my chest, and I breathe into my body. My mind tries to remind me of our clear discrepancies in sexual experience, giving me an organized listof all the reasons why I’m not the kind of girl who takes control, especially during sex.
But when I look at Luka, seeing how relaxed he seems to be as he makes himself comfortable on the bed, the worry slowly begins to subside.
There’s no pressure or expectations hanging in the air, just the firm boundary that Luka’s created. Tonight, I’m the one in control. I can have anything I want, do anything I want with him, all I have to do is ask for it…
I try to swallow the lump that forms in my throat at the thought of saying some of the things I’ve only fantasized about doing, but it seems it only grows larger, like a physical block preventing me from speaking.
Luka must sense my struggle, because his eyes soften, and he gives me a silent nod of encouragement. I blow out a long exhale as I climb on the bed, the soft mattress shifting beneath my knees as I slowly crawl toward him.
There’s a part of me that feels so insecure, like an imposter playing pretend, like Luka’s going to realize his mistake and change his mind at any moment. It’s the voice in my head that’s not really my own, but when I close my eyes, it’s her that I hear the loudest. She’s the part of me born from my pain; she isn’t out to harm me, she only wants to keep me safe. She doesn’t like me taking risks or putting myself out there because being vulnerable is where I open myself up to the pain. And she’ll do just about anything to protect me from that… even if it means playing small.
I close my eyes as my knees sink into the mattress on either side of Luka’s hips, feeling his hands move behind my thigh. His touch grounds me back to the moment, and I feel a sense of quiet confidence come over me. Heat pools in my core and with the single brush of his thumb, all my worries seem to disappear.
I begin to rock my hips, his cock growing impossibly harder beneath me with every move I make. I feel so powerful knowing I have this effect on him, knowing without a doubt in my mind that he’s turned on right now, thatI’mturning him on.
The feeling of power is new to me, but it’s quickly becoming something I crave as I sink deeper into the place where my darkest desires have always been hiding.
“You look so pretty rubbing your needy pussy on my cock. Take what you want from me, use me however you like.” Luka’s encouraging words only heighten my growing need, giving me the last push I needed to finally let go.
I run my hands up his hard stomach, pushing his shirt up as I drink in his delicious muscles, thinking of all the ways I’d like to use him. That thought turns me on even more.
