Page 32 of Yours to Ho Ho Hold
Drew moves to a chair and pulls me into his lap, wrapping me in his warm arms. I lean back against his chest as I take in the beautiful view, feeling so lucky to have shared this special day with this amazing family.
“So, I was thinking. I think you should stay here for a little while. Let me help you come up with a business plan. We could ask Sam if he has any contacts—”
I jerk my head to face him. “No. Drew. What are you talking about right now?”
He grabs my arms holding me in place. “I’m talking about the bookstore, Holly. You said you’ve got a good amount of savings, and since you’re not working …”
My stomach sinks. This time, not because of butterflies as a fresh wave of panic rises in my chest. I shouldn’t be surprised he’d bring this up again, but I’m so caught off guard. Like I’ve just been jolted back to my real life—the actual nightmare I’ve been escaping the last couple of days.
“Drew, can we just drop this? I don’t want to get into it right now.”
“But you said it’s what you wanted. All I’m saying is maybe you should make a plan, see if it’s doable, before you jump back into another job you hate.”
Memories of my parents disappointed faces flash through my mind, and I try to shake them away. The way my mother cried when I told her. She was so worried and hurt that I waited to come to them.
I press off Drew’s lap and back up until my legs are against the railing. “That’s not … Drew, I can’t just throw all my money away again for a daydream.”
He jumps up, moving closer and looking so innocently confused. “Why not? You said it yourself, Hols. It’s what you’ve always wanted. Maybe the universe has given you this opportunity to really go for it, to do it your way this time.”
“I don’t live in the same perfect world you do, Drew. It’s great your family is so supportive of you, but that’s because you haven’t given them a reason to not be. I’m all my parents have, and I have a responsibility to take care of them, to pay them back. Now, can we just drop it?”
“Hols, what if you can have both? Your parents are fine. They’re off on their dream vacation. They’re having a great time, judging by the pictures you showed me.”
Something in me snaps, and I feel like a wounded animal lashing out trying to protect my aching heart. I yank my wrist away, my throat tightening like there’s an invisible rope around it. “Don’t call me that. And don’t talk about them like you know them because you don’t know anything about me or my situation.”
He tries to grab my arm, but I jerk away, feeling a new wave of panic as all the emotions of the last few days rush to the surface and come to a head. What am I doing here? Here I am, once again acting impulsively, letting my heart get too invested over someone I’ve only just met, only to leave us both hurt and broken. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I don’t feel like I can trust my intuition because she lies to me; she tells me the things that feel good and right are safe, but the trail of mistakes littering my past tells me differently.
I can’t believe I came here. That I agreed to spend Christmas with hisfamily. There’s no doubt in my mind I’m falling for him, and I can see in his eyes he feels the same. I have to stop this before it goes any further. My heart may be long gone, but maybe I can still save Drew from himself.
“We’re not the same, Drew. Just because everything works out for you doesn’t mean it does for me.” I take a step backward, moving toward the steps and putting distance between us.
“Holly, stop. What are you talking about? Have you even asked them about the money? Have you told them how you feel? What you want to do? Do you even know they need it?”
I shake my head as tears fill my eyes. “It was a mistake coming here. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into it. I can’t do this with you, Drew. I thought I could just let myself forget about my responsibilities for one more day, but I can’t. I need to go.” I make my way down the steps as Drew follows behind. Luckily, I left my bag in his car, so I don’t have to embarrass myself by going back in there.
“I’m sorry, Holly. I didn’t mean to push you. I just want you to have it all. I don’t think it’s as black and white as you’re making it out to be.” He sighs, “I just want you to be happy.”
“Then give me a ride to a hotel,” I offer curtly, keeping my eyes trained on my feet.
Drew just sighs. “Fine. Let me grab my keys and tell them I’m leaving. I’ll be right back.”
I pull open the car door and slide inside, thankful he left it unlocked as I wait for him. It doesn’t take long before he’s jogging back to me, a sad look on his face that makes him almost unrecognizable. Another pang of guilt stabs in my chest. This time, for leading him on, for giving him hope when there was never a chance this would be anything more than a Christmas fling.
The sound of gravel underneath tires echoes through the car as we sit in silence. There’s nothing left to say.
It was fun while it lasted, but now, it’s over, and it’s back to reality for the one of us who still sees the world through rose colored glasses. I’m afraid my glasses are crystal clear with magnifying lenses that show me every imperfect detail. But I can’t be mad at Drew. I was the one who messed things up for myself, and now, I get to pay the penance.
ChapterFourteen
Drew
“What are you doing?I asked you to bring me to the Holiday Inn.”
I pull under the awning and put the car in Park. “Let’s just call this an apology gift. It’s not a big deal, but I figured since I’m the one who messed up your Christmas plans to have a quiet holiday on the beach alone, you may as well have the best view in the city.”
“No, Drew, this is too much. I can’t accept this.”
I place a hand on hers and quickly pull it away. “It’s done, Holly. I had my brother call as soon as we left. He booked the room through New Years. You’ll have plenty of time to relax and unwind, figure out a game plan for your next move. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. I just thought I could help. For what it’s worth, I think you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met, and I hope someday you see that for yourself.”
