Page 13 of Yours to Ho Ho Hold
She scrubs a mittened hand over her face like she’s trying to wipe away the memory. “I don’t know how or what I was thinking, but somehow, he convinced me to drop out of college, and to go for it. He said school was a waste of time and money, and I could be using both of those resources pursuing my dream rather than waiting for a piece of paper to give me permission.”
I rub my hand along her knee watching as her face twists with regret.
“He said all the right things. So even though my parents were against it, we ran off and got married, and then I dropped out of school the next week.”
She looks up at the sky, watching the snowflakes dance in the wind around us. “I was convinced I was ready. I went to my parents and begged them to give me the nest egg they’d saved for me to finish school so I could get started on my own. I invested all of it into a bookstore. I really thought I’d made it.”
“I don’t understand, Hols? That’s incredible—”
“A brick and mortar bookstore in the most expensive part of the city.” She looks to me and rolls her eyes.
I suck in a breath, and she nods. “I know. I was so stupid.”
“So, what happened?” I think back to our conversation on the plane yesterday about how she’s been single for a long time.
“As I said, I thought I knew everything, thought I could trust him. Things were going pretty great at first. He helped me set up the store, even worked with me sometimes in the evenings at first while it was new and still fun. I wanted to keep things cost effective, but Justin was a dreamer. He insisted we have the most expensive espresso machines, talked about how coffee sales were so important to keep bookstores afloat. Every time I turned around he was ordering some new thing that would set us apart from all the competition.”
Her voice trails off, and she looks back to me. “By the time we had our first quarter under our belt, I’d accrued nearly three quarters of a million dollars in debt. I could barely afford rent. Sales were hardly existent. I was working from sun up to sun down because I couldn’t afford to hire anyone else and Justin wouldn’t help.
“He complained I chose the business over him, that he never saw me, which wasn’t entirely untrue, but he could’ve helped me. It was his idea, too. But unlike me, he was busy finishing his degree because hedidn’t have the luxury of having a dream to chase.”
A single tear falls down her cheek, and I have to fight the urge to wipe it away. I don’t want to spook her, not while I have her like this, baring her calloused heart so openly.
“Then, one day, I walked into our apartment and found him fucking some girl.” Her glassy eyes meet mine, and my heart falls to my stomach. “It was Christmas Eve. I’d taken off early to surprise him, and he wasn’t expecting me. Apparently, the affair had been going on for almost as long as our marriage, not that eight months is that long.”
“Fuck, Holly. I’m so sorry.” I pull her into my side and rub a hand along her arm. “That’s why you hate Christmas. Because he cheated on you.”
She shakes her head as she wipes her tears. “No. It gets worse. Naturally, I was upset, so I drove straight to my parents’ house, ending their annual Christmas Eve party early. They’d just put in an offer for their dream vacation home, a two-story cabin on the lake where they’d host family gatherings, throw parties, and spoil their future grandkids. It was a big deal for my middle-class working parents, and they’d been saving for it ever since they first got married.”
“I told them everything. His cheating. The store debt. I was in over my head, and I didn’t know what to do.” Her lip falls into the tiniest little pout when she says, “And you know what they did? They backed out of the offer and took all that money they’d set aside and used it to bail me out.”
She sucks in a breath wiping her face with her mittens. “I had to file for bankruptcy,” she scoffs a laugh. “I had to pay Justin alimony for five years because of the hit to his credit score. I lost everything. Had to move back home and start working a minimum wage retail job because I never finished my degree and wasn’t qualified to do anything else.”
“Sounds like you really did hit rock bottom,” I finally say, wishing I could take the painful memories from her but so fucking grateful for her honesty all the same. When I look at her, I see the wounded, scared woman who pushes everyone away because she’s afraid of getting hurt. It makes sense, but I still hate it.
“Anyway, I eventually worked my way up in my department, all the way to a middle management role. Things were actually looking up. I’d saved enough money to move out, got my own studio apartment, and even saved up a good little nest egg to surprise them with. Then, yesterday, I was called into the HR department and told my position was being terminated. They told me and thirteen other employees that we were losing our jobs, our pensions, and hard-earned holiday bonuses on Christmas. Fucking. Eve.”
“So, you never tried again? Is the bookstore still your dream?”
She shakes her head and blows out a breath. “I’m no longer delusional enough to believe in dreams. Dreams are for little children who believe a bearded man in a red suit brings them presents if they’re good. And if it isn’t blaringly obvious by now, I’ve managed to earn myself a permanent spot on the naughty list. So, no, it’s not still my dream.”
I scan my eyes over her plump red lips and swollen, tear-stained cheeks. This woman is so beautiful it steals my breath every time I look at her, and I know it’s more than skin deep. Her heart is big, and she genuinely cares about the people she loves. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have worked so hard to make things right for them. “There’s no way you’re on the naughty list. No way in hell. Not for any of that anyway.”
Something flashes behind her eyes as I stare into them, and I wonder if she feels this spark between us too. This longing, a pull between two magnets fighting to keep themselves apart when it would be so much easier to just let go and see what happens next.
Magic. That’s what I think it’d be like. Pure magic.
I stand and offer her my hand, breaking the tension. “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your sledding skills?”
She smiles, and I know it’s a real one because her nose crinkles at the top and her eyes light up with mischief. “Oh, I’d say I’m pretty decent.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
ChapterSix
Holly
“Hang on just a minute.How is that not cheating?” Drew yells as he climbs off his sled and drags it behind him.
