Page 77 of Pretty Please Me
“What’s wrong?” Sam rushes to me on the floor as he assesses my face, his cool thumbs brushing over my burning cheeks.
Jamie grabs a baseball bat off one of the shelves and holds it up like he’s ready to swing. “What is it? A mouse? I fucking hate mice. Where’d it go?” He pushes Drew in front of him slightly as he walks further into the room.
“Yes!” I agree. A little more enthusiastic than necessary. I’m grateful for the provided excuse. I can’t let Sam know that I just got a dick pic from Trent. Who knows what he’d do with that information?
“I think I saw it run under the dresser.”
“Oh, fuck. Ok.” Jamie says as he jumps like he’s doing high knees and swinging the bat over his shoulder. “I’m not scared of a tiny mouse.” He says under his breath like he’s trying to convince himself.
“Let’s just move the dresser and kill it,” Drew suggests as he starts to push the dresser to the side.
“It’s more like a rat!” I scream, and he stops. “Yeah, it had this really long tail, as long and thick as my finger.” I hold up my hand to show them, and Jamie gets a full-body shiver and starts hyperventilating as he high-knees in place.
“I can’t fucking do rats. You know I’m terrified of Chuck E. Cheese.” He shakes his head and shoves the bat at Drew, then takes off out of the room.
Sam laughs and brushes his finger over my bottom lip, his eyes dark and curious. “Why don’t we go for a walk on the beach, and we can let Drew and Simon deal with the rat? That sound good to you?”
I don’t know if he knows I’m lying, but suddenly, all the worries that have plagued me all morning are gone as Sam looks at me like that. My heart flutters in my chest, and I can’t help but smile. “Yeah, that sounds perfect.”
He tugs my braid and stands, then offers me a hand up. “Maggie and I are going for a walk. Please deal with the rodent issue before we get back.”
I glance back at my phone lying in the corner of the room and decide to deal with Trent later.
We shed our shoes and walk down the steps along the winding footpath to the beach. Sam’s large hand encompasses mine as we walk in comfortable silence, the waves crashing and breaking on the shore the only sounds.
The cool water nips at my feet, and I feel a sense of calm and grounding that you just don’t get in the city. It’s like all the noise of life is stripped away, and it’s just our souls walking on the beach together.
“You’re so different here with your family. You seem so happy, like you can let your guard down.” I kick at the water pooling my feet, splashing it away. “I feel like you’re keeping something from me.” The confession comes out like the ocean itself is a truth serum, pulling it straight out of me.
Sam purses his lips, and his jaw flexes. “I don’t realize I’m doing it. I just don’t want to burden you with any of my pain. You’ve experienced enough on your own, and the last thing I want is for you to feel sorry for me and carry the weight of my issues.” He stops and turns toward me, pulling my hands to his.
“I want to know everything about you, Sam. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.” I shake my head. “You don’t have to protect me from everything all the time. I’m strong enough to handle it.”
“I know you are. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You’re so empathetic, Mags. You carry people’s pain around with you. I don’t want to add to that.”
“Well, I want you to,” I say. “I want to know everything about you. I feel like I’ve been so vulnerable with you all this time. It’s only fair you open up to me.” I don’t know where my surge of confidence comes from, probably the ocean, but my words are true.
A pained look crosses his face, and he nods. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry about that. What would you like to know?” He starts walking again, and I keep pace beside him.
“Everything.” I sigh. “How did your mother die?”
He sucks in a breath but doesn’t miss a beat. “Cancer. She fought it for four years before it finally won.” He rubs his hand over his heart like it hurts to talk about it. “She was my favorite person. The nicest woman in the whole world.” He nudges me with his shoulder, “You’re a pretty close second, though.”
I suck in a small gasp at his admission, but he continues.
“She was so thoughtful about everything for us kids. She had these extravagant holiday activities she used to make us do and cooked special meals for every occasion. I tried to keep it going for Drew and Jamie after she died, but it got harder and harder to manage. It started to feel like I was torturing myself the more I tried, and when I realized they didn’t really remember, I decided it was best that they not know. That way, they didn’t have to deal with the pain every time the holidays came around.” He shrugs, and my heart aches for him. How much pressure little Sam must’ve felt to keep his mother’s traditions alive.
“That sounds like it was really hard for you. Is that why you don’t like to come home?”
“Mostly. It feels lame to feel the pressure after all these years still, and having Charlotte helps, too. I guess I just don’t like feeling sad, and if I’m working, I don’t have as much time to feel sad about missing her.”
“That makes sense. Is that what led you to pursue a BDSM lifestyle, too?”
Sam huffs. “Maybe a little.” He stops and sits on the sand, patting the spot next to him for me to sit.
I sit down on the warm sand and snuggle into him, unsure of where this is going but finally feeling like I’m meeting him for the first time and can’t get enough.
“I’m going to tell you something only my family, Benjamin, and Jack know about. It’s not something I share with just anyone.”
