Page 75 of Pretty Please Me
I’ve never seen anything like that before. He went from being completely normal to being unable even to stand up. After I called James, I waited for what felt like hours. Though, it was really only twenty minutes for Drew and Jamie to show up.
I was able to get him up and on a bench, so we didn’t cause any more of a scene. I knew Sam would be even more upset if I called the park medic or an ambulance.
Jamie and Drew were able to pick him up with no problem and helped him out of the park, and now that we all know he’s fine, I don’t know if Sam’s ever going to hear the end of their teasing.
We all thank the doctor again as James walks him out, and I sag back on the couch with relief.
Charlotte walks in the kitchen and throws on her apron. “Why don’t I heat us up some of the soup I made for lunch? I’ve got fresh bread ready to go in the oven.”
Charlotte opens the spice cabinet and stands on her tippy toes to grab something at the top, and Jamie leaps up from the couch to help her. For a moment, I’m surprised by his kind gesture, but when I really think about it, everyone in this family appears to care deeply about one another. Despite all their playful bickering and teasing, they’d do anything to help their family.
I think of how Jamie and Drew rushed to help Sam today and how they didn’t even tease him as they helped him get cleaned up and tucked into bed. There’s no way I could’ve managed all of that on my own. What must it feel like to have people in your life who simply love you just because you’re family?
I have friends who love and care for me, Sam being one of them, but that’s an exchange. A tit for a tat. We’re there for each other, so in a sense, I suppose I earn their love and care. It isn’t unconditional.
The familiar pang of loneliness hits me in the chest like a brick as I’m once again reminded of what I don’t have. It doesn’t seem fair, but life isn’t meant to be. I guess I just wish I didn’t have to have the reminder rubbed in my face quite so much.
“Drew, dear, would you mind getting the big soup bowls down from the cabinet.” Charlotte sets a timer as she puts the bread in the oven, and Drew gets up to help her.
I watch in fascination as the threat of tears burns behind my eyes.
“They weren’t always so polite,” James says as if he can read my mind.
I clear my throat, suddenly embarrassed that I was caught getting emotional over something so silly. I start to tell him that’s not what I was thinking, but he continues.
“When I met Charlotte, the boys were fourteen, twelve, six, and five. Jamie and Drew were practically feral animals at that point. What little good behavior they had, they learned from Sam.” He nods toward the bedroom door where Sam sleeps. “I wasn’t the best father to any of them, but I’m afraid Sam got the worst of it. He had to pick up my slack after his mom died, be the man of the family I couldn’t be.”
“That sounds exactly like Sam.” I sigh. “It looks like you’ve made up for it. You have a beautiful family. Truly.” I swallow a lump in my throat.
“Yeah, well, I guess age’ll do that to you. Makes you realize what’s really important. Charlotte lost her first husband very young, and I suppose we were both what each other needed to finish healing. I don’t know if I could’ve done it without her. She’s my angel sent by God.” He smiles and glances over his shoulder, and I follow his eyes to see Charlotte stirring a big pot of soup as she orders Jamie and Drew around the kitchen.
“I can only hope to find love like that someday,” I say with a sigh.
“Oh, come on, now. I think you may be a little closer than you realize.” James winks.
I suck in a breath and force a smile. “Excuse me. I think I need some fresh air.” I get up and walk out to the balcony that overlooks the ocean. I lean against the wooden railing and set my eyes on the bright orange sun setting on the horizon.
My soul longs for more from this life, and I’m not sure I can give it what it desires. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I’m so turned around and upside down. I feel like I’m being tossed and tumbled in a riptide.
My peaceful moment alone comes to an abrupt halt when Denver shoves his big, wet nose straight into my crotch.
“Jesus, Denver, you’re coming off too strong,” Simon says as he pulls him back by the collar. “Sorry about that. I hope Den didn’t ruin your only moment of peace…” He laughs, “I guess like I’m doing right now.”
I bend down and rub Denver’s ears. “You didn’t interrupt anything,” I say through giggles as he licks me.
Simon scratches the back of his head. “Thanks for taking care of Sam today. He really gave us a scare. You handled it really well. I know we’re all grateful for that.”
“Of course. It was no big deal. He’d have done it for me, too.” I wave him off as Denver lays down and offers me his belly to rub, which I happily oblige.
“I know my brother doesn’t have the most traditional dating life…”
My hands go still as I wait to hear what he’s going to say.
“He has his reasons, as fucked up as they may be. I think you’re good for him, though. Don’t let him fuck it up, okay? He’s definitely going to try. It’s kind of his M.O.” His eyes meet mine, and it’s like he can see right through me.
“I’m not sure what you mean, Simon.”
“Yeah, well, I guess you’ll find out soon enough.” He taps his leg, and Denver jumps up, eager to follow as he leads him down the steps to the beach. He pulls a tennis ball out of his pocket, and I watch as the giant clumsy dog chases it along the shore.
