Page 47 of Pretty Please Me
“As you know, my mom surrendered me as soon as I was born. She wanted to put me up for adoption, but my grandmother wouldn’t have it. So, she kept me, and by the time I was home from the hospital, my mom had moved out—not wanting anything to do with me. That’s the story my foster family told me anyway.” I shrug. “My grandmother raised me until she suffered a stroke when I was five. There was no one to care for either of us, so she went to live in a nursing home while I was sent to a foster home.
“The family was nice, from what I can remember, but they were only a temporary placement. I was lucky to stay there for nearly a year. Foster homes are hard to come by, especially in the small town I’m from. People usually take care of their own. When I was around eight, I was sent to live with another family, although they were waiting for a baby, so as soon as they got the call for newborn twins, I got the boot. They were only certified to have two foster kids, so there wasn’t a place for me anymore. Anyway, by that time, I was already ten, going on eleven. I’d bounced around schools so many times I was terribly shy. I didn’t exactly make a warm impression. My next placement was at a larger home with several foster kids, and I was the oldest. I got to know all the other kids and hear their stories. I had to watch them go through therapy and give testimonials for their abuse, and I quickly realized just how easy I had it. I started helping take care of the kids in the home, and that’s how I was able to earn my spot. I realized that the more I helped, the longer I could stay in the same place.” I shrug and hug the pillow to my chest.”
Sam places his hand over mine, offering me comfort. “You must’ve felt so lonely, moving around all the time like that. Feeling like you were constantly being rejected by everyone.”
“Yeah, I was lonely, but I realized early on that I was lucky since I didn’t have to go through all the trauma the other kids did. I tried not to take it personally, all the moving. I knew the nature of it was that people wanted babies. Little babies who hadn’t been damaged by the world yet.”
“You’re hardly damaged, Maggie. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. It kills me to think of how you’ve always cared for everyone else, even when you were just a kid. You had to grow up too fast, and I’m so sorry about that.”
I wipe a tear away. “It all worked out in the end. I found Elliot and Gwen in college and then met you through Benjamin. I have a deep appreciation for the people in my life that I may not have otherwise.”
“You don’t always have to be so fucking positive all the time, Maggie. I hope you know that you don’t have to put on a show for me. I’m in this with you for as long as you need me…”
“I know, Sam, and it means more than you’ll ever know.” I prop my head on my hand and turn to face him. “What about you? What’s something you’ve never told anyone?”
He quirks his lips, and his eyes shift away from mine as if looking around us for the answer, and then he finally speaks. “I feel like most everyone knows my secrets, or did anyway. I grew up in a small town with three younger brothers. There wasn’t much I could keep secret from any of them.”
I lean in a little closer, desperate to hear whatever he’s about to confess because everyone else may know Sam’s secrets, but I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface of really getting to know him.
“I guess that’s why I’m such a private person these days.” He rubs his hand across his stubbled chin and forces a laugh. “Something no one else knows about me is that I’m not as calm as I appear to be most of the time.” He pauses, and I place my hand on his, offering encouragement. “I, uh… I used to be really shy and anxious when I was a kid. I was convinced that everyone was staring at me all the time. When I did something good, bad, it didn’t matter. I perceived any attention as bad like I was being made fun of.”
“Sam, that’s horrible.” I brush my hand up his arm, and my chest aches at his confession. I feel as if I can physically feel his pain in my heart and want to take it away from him.
“My mom was the only one who understood it. She protected me in a way, always stood in front of me when I needed her to, and made sure no one commented if I had to get new clothes for an event. I think she even emailed my teachers and prepared them before school started every year. I was lucky to be average in every way during school, so I easily blended into the background.” He shrugs. “I made decent grades, and it wasn’t until middle school when I froze during a presentation that I realized how big of a problem it was.”
“How did you get over it?”
“I don’t know, really. I guess I just sucked it up. After my mom died when I was twelve, my dad needed me to help out with my younger brothers. There wasn’t any room for my brokenness any longer, so I just sort of just pushed it all down.”
“That doesn’t seem very healthy… You didn’t have any friends or a girlfriend you could talk to…”
“Attachments only make complicated things worse. I learned that the hard way a long time ago.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s fine.” He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m just one of those people who needs to learn lessons the hard way.”
I glance down at his lips. “Is that why you became a dominant?”
“One of the reasons. I like to be in control in more ways than one.” He pulls my pursuing hand away from his shoulder peppering it with kisses and inches his way up my arm at a slow, tortuous pace.
“What about your brothers and your dad? How did they fare after losing your mother?”
Sam stops his perusal, his dark eyes meeting mine. “My father and brothers are doing just fine. My dad lives in the same town, though now he’s got a nice beachfront property. My two younger brothers live there as well, and my second brother lives in Louisiana with his wife. They’re expecting their first child in the spring.”
“That’s nice. So the kids were alright,” I say more to myself than to him.
“Yes, they were.” He leans up on his elbow, studying me for a moment before tracing along my nose. “Your freckles are so distracting, like specs of stardust sprinkled across your face.”
I giggle, and his eyes flick to my lips. My breath hitches as I watch him, unsure of what happens next.
As he wets his lips, my body inches closer to his, instinctually closing the gap between us. “Speaking of my family. I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
My heavy eyes flutter open in surprise as I wait.
“My stepmom’s throwing my dad this retirement party back home, and I was wondering if you’d come with me?” His fingers trail from my nose down to my lips, then my chin, as if trying to touch every inch of me.
“Of course, I’d love to!” I practically blurt. “I’d love to meet your family.” I push myself up to a seated position and pull him into a hug. I don’t think he realizes how much something like this means to me. Other than Elliot and the occasional visit from her parents, no one’s ever offered to include me in something like this.
