Page 87 of Pretty Please Me
I know there’s no reality where I’m ever really over her. Hell, I hope the memories we created haunt me for the rest of my life, but I would like to have a semblance of self-control if I have to be near her. It killed me to send her away last night. It felt like my bones were splitting in two, but I knew every second she was near me would make the end that much more painful.
She deserves so much more than I can give her, and I hope she realizes that. I hope one day I can be in a room with her and not feel as if my heart could explode, but I know that kind of healing will only happen if I give myself time and space.
So, I’m heading to Africa to put all my frustration toward a good cause. To put my muscles to use and dig wells until I’m so utterly exhausted that all I can do is sleep. Then I’ll wake up and do it all over again. Hopefully, three months will put a dent in my healing process, but if by the end of this, I’m still unsure, I guess I’ll just have to sign up for another group. I’ll do it again and again as long as it takes for me to feel like I’m back in control.
My dad pulls the truck into the drop-off area and hugs me. “You promised Charlotte you’d be home for Christmas this year, and we’re going to hold you to it. I want to see you more, and if that means we have to take the RV up to Chicago, you know we’ll do it.” My dad pats me on the back before pulling away, and I have to fight back the tears that burn behind my eyes. What’s happening to me? I never get emotional telling my family goodbye.
“Thanks for everything, Dad. Tell Charlotte thanks for me. I love you, and I’ll see you for Christmas. I promise.”
I step out and watch my dad’s truck disappear into the distance.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I answer the call, wedging it between my face and shoulder.
“Is this email serious?” Benjamin says.
“As a heart attack.” I print my boarding pass at the kiosk, shove it in my pocket, then make my way to the security line.
“So, I take it things with Mags didn’t end well? What the fuck happened, man? Last time I saw you, you had actual hearts in your eyes.”
“Nothing happened.” I throw my bag on the conveyer belt and slide my shoes off. “Hang on just a sec…” I lay my phone down in the bucket, walk through the metal detector, and pick it back up. “We had an agreement, and it ended. It’s nothing more or less than that.” I slide my shoes back on and grab my suitcase.
“You’re so full of shit, and you know it. Sam, you’re really trying to convince me—and yourself—that you weren’t falling for her. What am I supposed to tell Elliot? What’s going to happen when we celebrate something and want you both to be there?”
With a sigh, I collapse into a seat, my eyes trained on the flight schedule across from me. “Listen, I’m not saying it won’t be weird at first, but that’s why I’m leaving. I’m giving her space, and when I come back, it’ll be like nothing ever happened. I promise I’m not going to fuck up the group–”
“You’re just going to disappear for three months and come back and pretend like nothing happened? That’s seriously youradultplan, Sam?” He emphasizes adult as he scolds me.
“It’s the best I can do,” I snap.
“Well, I hope you know what you’re doing. And I hope this isn’t the beginning of you disappearing on us for good.” Benjamin lowers his voice to nearly a whisper. “You can’t run from this, Sam. Not really. You know how well that worked out for you last time…”
“Yeah, well, I don’t really have a ton of options, now, do I? Will you just keep an eye on things? Call and check in with Joey and triple check everyone will be out of there by Sunday? And make sure he sends the bill to my assistant?”
Benjamin sighs. “Yeah, man, I’ll look out for her.”
“Good. I’ll try to email and check in when I can, but I don’t expect to have much cell service the whole time. Tell Jack I’m sorry I’ll miss the baby’s birth, but I’ll send a good enough gift to make up for it.”
“We’re now boarding flight 408 to Denver. Passengers flying first class may begin boarding the aircraft,” the flight attendant announces over the speaker.
“I’ve got to go. My flight’s boarding. I’ll see you after Christmas.” I stand and make my way to board the plane.
“Alright, man, I’ll see you then.” Benjamin sighs. “Oh, and Sam…”
The flight attendant scans my boarding pass with a beep. “Yeah?”
“You’re a dumbass and a coward for running away, but I feel like you’re going to realize that soon enough. Take care of yourself. We’re going to miss you.”
I laugh at Benjamin’s frank words. “I’m going to miss you guys, too. See you around.” I slide my phone into my pocket as I board the plane and take my seat in my first-class suite. I scratch my fingers along the smooth leather armrest as the memories of initiating Maggie into the mile-high club come flooding back.
I squeeze my eyes shut to ward them off as the pain in my heart burns like acid.
“Sir, could I get you something to drink?” a flight attendant asks and my eyes spring open.
“Whiskey, please. And keep ‘em coming.”
THIRTY-FOUR
Maggie
