Page 8 of Pretty Please Me
“Well, well, well.” Damian pushes himself back from the table, wearing a mischievous smile. “The universe has quite the message for you, sweet Magnolia.”
My eyes widen, and I lean forward and whisper-yell, “What does it mean!?”
He shuffles his cards and smirks. “Let’s see, shall we?” He spreads the cards out in front of me, and I close my eyes as I use my intuition to select the perfect card, the answer to all my problems.
“Mags? I didn’t think I’d see you out at a place like this.” The familiar deep voice sends a shiver down my spine. I sneak one eye open and immediately want to crawl under the table when I see my friend, Sam, staring down at me.
Sam is best friends with Benjamin and Jack, making us the respective fifth wheels in our friend circles. I don’t know how I would’ve handled the whole Gwen and Jack fiasco last summer without his help. He’s a private person, but just like me, he’ll do just about anything for his friends. He had a private helicopter search running constantly and dove at any chance to help me. I like to think Sam and I are similar in our friendships. We’re the responsible ones who take care of everyone else, and even more than me, Sam has his shit together. To say he intimidates me is the understatement of the century.
I dive on top of the napkin, using my body as a shield, but judging by his laughter, I’m pretty sure it’s too late.
“Now, this looks like an interesting conversation. You two are having a much better night than I am.” He slides into the booth, and I shuffle over, making room for him.
Damian props his face on his hand and smiles.“Good to see you again, Samuel.”
“Hey, man, I’ve been meaning to reach out and thank you for everything you did this summer.” He pats his chest, pulls his phone from his jacket, and types something. “I just sent my donation. I’d love to chat more with you about what you’re doing with the shelter. This is a great idea.”
“Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”
“So, what’s all this?” Sam gestures at the cards.
“I was just giving Magnolia a tarot reading. How about I do a double reading for you both?”
Sam looks to me for permission, and I let out a sigh. “Fine. You can stay, but you have to promise to keep things confidential.” I hold out my pinky.
He stares at my extended finger for a moment before laughing and linking his to mine. “I pinky promise to keep all your secrets.”
“Good.” I huff, then spin back to find Damian studying us with a curious gaze. His lips pull into a smirk. “Oh, this is going to be fun. Ladies first.”
I close my eyes and wave my left hand over the line of cards before finally choosing one. I flip it over and look at Damian, but I can’t read his expression.
He taps his finger to his lip. “The Six of Wands shows you’re embarking on a journey of sorts.” Damian’s eyes twinkle with excitement. “Notice the man steering the boat. He represents the masculine. This could be taking action…” He bats his eyes. “Or it could represent a man steering you along your journey. Seated in the boat are a woman and a small child. She represents the feminine. This could be intuition orreceivingsomething.”
My stomach is in knots, and I wish he’d just come out with it already. Why are these messages so vague? Why can’t the universe just tell me what I need to know? I sigh in frustration, propping my face on my hand.
“There’s a child here. This could represent an inner child being ushered along the journey as well.” He smiles widely, “This is a very good card for you, Magnolia.” He slides the damp napkin toward me, and all I see is the word orgasm written in all caps in the center.
“Wow, that escalated quickly.” Sam laughs.
“Now that we’ve done your tarot reading, I’m starting to make a little more sense of this.” Damian taps his knuckle on the napkin. “Spirit showed me a little girl eating cotton candy at an amusement park. The ocean… or waves crashing along the sand. Bubbles.” He turns the napkin to read the smaller words, “Oh, this one was strange, a blindfold or something to do with vision or eyes… and finally orgasms.” He blushes and clears his throat. “Lots and lots of orgasms.”
Sam chokes on his beer next to me, and I snatch the napkin off the table, shoving it in my bag. “Well, I’m sure there’s some cryptic meaning behind that message, too. We can’t take everything at face value.”
“No, that one was pretty damn clear.” Damian laughs.
“So, what am I supposed to do with this?” I hover my hands in a circular motion over the table. “Go on some kind of healing quest to find myself using the power of the female orgasm?”
This time, Sam actually spits out his beer in shock, and Damian throws his head back in laughter.
I wait while the two of them can compose themselves. Damian finally says, “You know what, Magnolia? Although it’s a bit literal, I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all.”
This is just great. Not only is my life’s journey the butt of the joke, but Sam got to witness the train wreck firsthand. There’s no way I’ll be able to keep this insanity from Elliot and Gwen. What kind of person must he think I am after hearing hints of my deepest darkest secrets with the goal of orgasming my way to fixing all my problems?
Damian wipes the tears from his eyes. “I knew I liked you, Magnolia. I think there’s so much more to you than meets the eye.” He holds his deck out to Sam. “Ok, handsome, it’s your turn. What would you like guidance with?”
For a moment, my embarrassment subsides as I wait for Sam to ask his question. What could he possibly need help with? The guy’s got it all. The job. The friends. I pause for a moment as I try to remember if he’s ever mentioned a girlfriend, but I can’t recall hearing about one.
Sam twists his lips in contemplation and finally says, “You know… why don’t you just use your psychic woo-woo powers and pick some advice for me?”
