Page 72 of Pretty Please Me
“This game is rigged! He hit the buzzer earlier right before my last ball went in!” The kid screams as he tries to jump over the booth.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I grab him by the t-shirt and pull him back. “I suggest you and your snotty-nosed friends go find something else to do before I call security on you myself.”
“Get your hands off me, perv!” The kid screams and pushes me back. “Help, the strange man in the sunglasses over here just tried to touch my wiener!”
Heads begin to turn all around us and I quickly realize if I need to play nice if I don’t want to get thrown out of here before Maggie even gets a chance to ride a real roller coaster.
“Sam, let's just go.” Maggie tries to pull me away but I don’t budge. I’m not about to walk away before she gets to play this game because of some snot-nosed teenage pricks.
I turn the park member and pull out my wallet. “How much do you want for the panda?”
“Eh, thirty bucks?” He says with a shrug.
I pass him two twenties and his mouth pulls into a grin. “One panda for the shit stain and we’ll each have a turn.”
“Here you go.” The man says as he passes me the stuffed animal.
I turn around and shove it at the kid. “There, now get lost.”
“Fuck, yeah!” He screams as he holds it over his head like a trophy and all his friends cheer alongside him as if he actually won the prize himself.
He passes me the ball and I offer it to Maggie but she waves me off. “I’ll let you go first. I want to take notes.”
“Alright, let’s win you that teddy bear.” I give her a wink and ready myself.
“Time starts… now!” The man says as I shoot my first shot and the ball bounces off the rim. I grab the extra ball and shoot again, this time making it, shooting shot after shot in rapid succession.
“Look at this chump and his weak jump shot!” One of the kids says behind me and I turn to see they still haven’t left.
“I said get lost, kid,” I say as I shoot and it bounces off the rim to the side.
“And miss you looking like a chump in front of your hot girlfriend? Ha! Yeah right.”
“Who taught you how to shoot, your mom?” Another kid shouts.
I squeeze the small ball so hard I’m afraid it’s going to explode as I breathe through my nose. I grit my teeth and shoot again. This time sinking it.
“Lucky. I bet you can’t do it again, you old man.”
Maggie’s hand comes to my back as she leans in and whispers, “Is this normal amusement park behavior?”
If I didn’t have actual steam coming from my ears, I may have laughed at her innocent question. Instead, I try my best to focus on making the next basket.
“Oh, that’s embarrassing right there. You trying to build a house with all those bricks?”
“I feel sorry for your girlfriend after seeing you struggling so hard to find the right spot... Hey rich guy’s girlfriend, come over here and let a real man show you–”
“Ok, that’s it.” I drop the ball just as the buzzer goes off indicating my times up. I may not be able to legally hit a child but I sure as fuck can scare them. I spin around and the boys scatter like flies.
“Sam! What are you doing?” Maggie yells as I manage to grab the biggest one of the bunch by the shirt
“Look here, you little skid mark. I will rip the braces off your teeth and cut you with them if you talk to a woman like that again. I’ll pay the best private investigator in the country to track you down and find every username you have and personally destroy every virtual world you’ve built. I will sabotage you in every way possible… Do you understand me?”
“Yes… Yes… Sir.” I let go of his shirt and shove him and he falls to the ground then gets up and runs off to join his friends.
“Wow,” Maggie snickers, “Gee, Sam, you really showed him.” She covers her face as she tries to hold back her laughter.
I quirk my brow and shove my hands in my pockets. “You thought that was funny, did you?”
