Page 32 of Unexpected Love
“Yeah, it can do that too. Did you give her medicine for fever already?”
I nod, still feeling helpless.
“Okay, let’s give it some time to work. If the fever doesn’t break, then we can take her to be seen. Do you have Benadryl and Maalox?” Jules asks, her tone composed and soothing. It’s almost like she’s playing nurse forme, likeI’mthe one who’s having the medical issue, when Charlie is clearly the one who needs it.
She hasn’t even been with me for a month, and I’mgoing to lose her. She could be having some kind of allergic reaction. She could stop breathing from this.
My heart rate skyrockets as my normal ability to deal with an emergency flies right out the window.
“Is she going to die?” The thought escapes, and even as I say it, I know how ridiculous I sound. But I don’t care. I can’t stand the thought of her being in pain and possibly dying.
“Oh my god, Cal. Sit down and put your head between your legs. Where’s the Benadryl and Maalox?”
Chest heaving with each breath, I drop into the recliner and brace my elbows on my knees. “It’s in the cabinet by the sink.”
Jules takes Charlie with her and makes some concoction in the kitchen. She’s cooing at her for being the best girl and taking her medicine, and Charlie is responding. I deep breathe for a few minutes.
A shadow falls over me, and I look up to find Jules standing over me. “Here, have a snuggle.” She deposits a sleepy Charlie in my arms and sits on the edge of the couch. My sweet, precious niece burrows into me as I cup her head with one hand and press it to my shoulder; the other, I splay across her back.
She’s so tiny, my hand covers her from shoulder to diaper. Her arms curl around my neck, and she hitches a thigh as she snuggles into me. Her whole body doesn’t even cover my torso.
I am helpless to this little angel.
“Not helpless,” Jules says, and I realize I’ve spoken aloud. “Hopeless… maybe.”
There’s a smile in her words, and I glance over to see one teasing her lips. She’s rumpled. And her hair is a mess. But she came running when I needed her.
“Thank you.” My voice is husky from relief.
“She’s going to be a little bit miserable, but overall, she’s going to be fine. It’s just a virus. Babies get them all the time.”
“How do you know so much about kids?” I murmur, hitching one leg into the recliner to better brace Charlie with. I don’t want her to roll off and hit the floor. With the other toe, I set the recliner in motion, gently rocking my niece, who’s scratching the stubble I’ve grown overnight. A quiet descends in the room as Charlie relaxes. Maybe it’s the time of night, maybe it’s the way we are working together to take care of a sick baby. Regardless of the reason, the moment feels intimate.
“Too many years of living with my brother. It was like a crash course in babies. Only none of them were mine.”
The rocker creaks, the sound loud in the otherwise quiet room. “You don’t want kids.”
It’s a statement, because she’s made similar comments before.
She shrugs. “I’m not completely opposed to kids. I’ve just had other things in my life that were more important. I tried climbing the corporate ladder. Got canned from that job. I tried starting over, got married. Then the pandemic happened, and I was let go again. Throw in an ugly divorce and a tornado destroying everything I had left, and it was just one more thing in a long list of shitty circumstances. I’ve been starting over so much in my life.”
She’s been staring off as she recounts her life story like it’s a series of unfortunate events, but now her attention shifts to me, and she gives me a half smile. “Feels like I’ve been working toward the goal of opening the coffee shop forever. I just want to accomplish something worthwhile in my life. Kids haven’t been an option.”
I marinate on her words as I watch her. The meltdown over the prospect of losing her business makes so much more sense now. Also, I don’t like the idea of Jules being married to someone else.
Instead of asking a million questions that are none of my business, I state the obvious. “I didn’t get a choice. My sister gave me a family. I just don’t have the same background you do to know what to do with her.”
“No kids in your family?”
“No. More like no parental role models. I’m pretty sure that’s why Dani didn’t think anything about ditching her kid.” I pause to gather my thoughts and let the memories wash through me. All the stupid, directionless decisions I made, until I finally got my head out of my ass. “You know, I struck out on my own when I was younger than Dani. No one could tell me what to do. We didn’t have the best home life growing up. So I always made sure that Dani knew she could come to me if she needed help. I feel a little guilty that I left her alone. Maybe she wouldn’t have ended up pregnant at sixteen if I’d stayed.”
It’s something I’ve wondered about and have felt guilty about more than I care to admit.
The night is intimate and prime for shared secrets. There’s a connection between us. One I can’t define but am enjoying all the same. My gaze lands on her lips, and though I’m sitting here being a human mattress for a sleeping toddler, I wonder what those lips might taste like.
My body has a visceral reaction to the image playing in my mind. Of me pushing Jules back into my couch, spreading her legs, and settling my weight in the softness of her hips.
I shift and stop that useless train of thought, mildlyhorrified at the direction my imagination took while I’m holding a small child.
