Page 56 of You Were Invited
“Oh?”
“The truth is... I was too ashamed to tell you I...”
Dammit. He was choking. It had been ages since he’d confessed this to anyone — perhaps only to his peers at Al-Anon.
He cleared his throat. “Annie. I was an alcoholic, before my dad killed my mom. But it put the fear of God into me so bad that I cleaned up. Immediately. I’ve been sober for three years.”
Annie’s smile dropped from her eyes. Color drained from her cheeks and her eyes went cloudy. “...Oh.” She pulled a hand free and tucked her hair behind her ear.
He winced. His blood pressure spiked. “I-I wanted you to know because of what you’ve been going through with your boyfr-”
“Ex.”
“Sorry, yes, ‘ex.’ I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” He couldn’t stand her disappointment. “But I... er... I knew you were leaving. I don’t normally tell these things to acquaintances I know I’ll never see again. But you deserve to know. Now. Ialso want you to know that I have no intention of being around that sort of thing ever again, and I do my best to take care of myself.” Forcing himself to look up, he took in her bemused, cold expression. “Let me know if you have any questions.” He let go of her limp fingers and held up his hands. “I’m an open book.”
“No, it’s okay.” She was quiet and only looked at him out of the corner of her eye. She nodded along with her words. “Thank you for telling me.”
She confirmed his fears as he watched her fold in on herself and withdraw from him without moving a finger. The lump in his throat throbbed.
“Was... Was that hard for you to tell me?” Annie finally said, her expression growing reticent, as closed as a safe hidden behind an antique oil portrait– it was horrible that he couldn’t plainly see the bitterness and resentment on her face now.
He sighed. “Yeah. I’m sorry that this was a surprise. I needed to tell you so you knew for the future. Now... and not later.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Future?”
This tore the wind out of his sails. She had told him she liked him.There was a but, though... No, she said that because she doesn’t live here... But was that just an excuse? To spare my feelings? No… it’s not that, either. Her weird imaginary friend wanted me to kiss her, and we’ve kissed twice. She’s spent time with me.It had seemed like the only obstacle was finding a new place to live… Had he read her wrong? Was he just a vacation fling? A friend with benefits? Was that what she’d wanted to tell him?
“I’m...” He wanted to confess the depths of his feelings, for which he cared for her, but he couldn’t do it.I’m so embarrassed...
“Thank you for telling me, Julian.” She paused, as if lost for words, too. “I... umm... I was in the middle ofwriting an email... Thanks again for the sink parts. I should get back to work. We can talk later?”
Julian shifted in his seat. She was kicking him out? “But weren’t you going to tell me something, too?”
“It was nothing,” she replied, her jaw set firmly. She flashed him a sad smile for a second before turning her head away again.
“Was it?” he challenged.
It almost looked like she was holding back tears. “Yeah…”
Concealing the hurt and shame that lay under his own impassive exterior, Julian nodded and stood.
“Okay.”
When he’d taken that very first drink at twelve, he never would’ve imagined it would lead him to this moment. He never should’ve wished for her to be his. A woman disgusted by a man could never give of herself to him.
“Thank you,” Annie said. Her soft, innocent words were like a nail in a coffin. She stayed sitting as he walked out the door.
He knew when she eventually left, he would miss her laughter the most, and now all he had to hope for was a glimpse of her on vacation with her friends.
I never should have seen her as anything but a ship passing in the night,he told himself, striding home with his stinging eyes cast down at his boots.
The hum of his fridge and the crackle of fire from his stove were loud in the silence waiting for him.
twenty-one
Annie tossed fitfully in her bed, burrowing deeper into her blankets as she fought to disentangle herself from the nightmare filling her psyche.
“No…” she mewed into the dark. She pulled her pillow into her arms, choking it. Her eyes shifted rapidly beneath her eyelids. “Stop…”
