Page 64 of Relentles
He trusted her; he just didn’t trust other motherfuckers.
It was the same reason he’d been so hesitant to text Torieandnot tell Megan. This was a different situation. Besides, the nurse would send him as many photos of Jo as he wanted to ease his mind. She’d answer questions he might’ve forgotten earlier.
Then, he could think more clearly.
He just needed a moment. Not necessarilyalone, butaway. From the devastation in her eyes. And the way she looked at him, silently begging him to fix it. If he told her what a fucking punch in the gut the news was for him, she’d listen and comfort him. Hewouldconfide in her. He just needed her to get her thoughts together. He needed to get his head on straight.
On the drive home, she’d told him she intended to schedule her hysterectomy as soon as possible. She couldn’t put another baby through what Jo endured.
Christopher applauded her decision. He didn’t know ifhecould endure another prospect of losing herorthe possibility of another one of his kid’s not surviving.
Christopher had spent hours at Megan’s bedside, praying to a God he still wasn’t sure existed. He’d unloaded on the social worker and the chaplain.
Fuck, he’d even called motherfucking Wilcunt at one point. He hadn’t slept. He had barely eaten. His main concern was Megan. Without her, he couldn’t be him. Without her, he didn’twantto be him.
He didn’t want to exist.
With one swing of fate, another daughter captured his heart. One with black hair and dark blue eyes, though he suspected they’d change as she got older.
Ifshe survived.
The one he’d bonded with the most out of necessity. When he’d had to name Axel because of Megan’s state, she’d recoveredmuch quicker and had taken over as their boy’s primary caregiver. She was as fierce a ma as she was a wife.
She’d come to him as a naïve girl and ended up a confident, sexy woman. He’d been so fucking lucky. His almost fifty-year-old self sure the fuck had a different outlook on life than his eighteen-year-old self had. But he’d given her room to grow into her own. Change was inevitable, a natural part of life. As the years passed and she came into her own, she fell deeper in love with him.
It was easy to believe in eternal love when a lifetime together stretched ahead of you. Before external bullshit interfered; before internal changes occurred.
Yet, Megan never once wavered in her love for him or her belief in him. Lookingback, Christopher had never felt as lucky or as loved.
That he couldn’t take her pain away when she’d spent half her life loving and protecting him, crushed him.
Sucking in a breath, he cleared the moisture in his eyes, and opened the clubhouse door. Noise assaulted him immediately. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be with Megan. He didn’t want to remember Megan’s tears and her words.
“I wish they’d given me an emergency hysterectomy.”
Fuck, he wished it, too. She would’ve seen it as an immediate lifesaving measure. It would’ve been more palatable.
He wanted their surgeries over and done, Jo healed and home. With the hysterectomy, the bandage ripped from Megan, so she could recover in every way.
He wanted motherfucking Ryder, Ransom, and Axel sane. Becausethoselittle motherfuckers…
Fuck, he’d had so much responsibility heaped on him from twelve-years-old, when his sisters’ father was killed. His mother saw Christopher as the man of the house. Not that he minded. He owed it to her after she’d suffered so much because of hisbirth. Once he moved into the club and started earning money because of odd jobs, he gave her every penny to ease her burden.
His children had an easy life. Unfortunately, he’d never considered what would happen if a crisis arose and he and Megan couldn’t parent them properly. Somewhere, in his subconscious, he’d expected CJ to step in.
His boy had, and Christopher couldn’t have been prouder. But CJ was a kid. He’d been raised to enjoy his childhood, instead of becoming a man prematurely with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Exactly what the fuck happened anyfuckingway.
All of his children had been neglected because he couldn’t keep his cock to himself. He just loved Megan so much. One of the many ways he expressed his feelings was by fucking her.
“Outlaw!”
Christopher jumped at the unexpected yell. He’d stopped in the doorway, lost in thought.
Grinning, he walked to the president of his Salt Lake City chapter and shook his hand. Seeing the man was manna from Heaven.
“Just the motherfucker I need to talk to, Skip,” he said, clapping him on the back. “A setup at my table,” he said to Potter, then nodded in that direction. “Come with me.”
