Page 80 of Restless
“I’m tired of defending myself to you. If I wanted Molly, I’d tell you.”
“I doubt that,” she flared. “You’re using the excuse of a lab project to cheat on me.”
“I can’t cheat on you, if we aren’t together,” he snapped.
“I’m not ready, but you promised to wait until I was, so you are cheating. And you’re lucky I didn’t get in trouble for cutting or else I’d be even madder at you.”
“I don’t give a fuck if youaremad at me.”
Harley’s mouth fell open.
“I didn’t tell you to go to the creek with Nardo Grevenberg. Youchoseto do so of your own free will, so fuck off with your misplaced blame. I don’t give a fuck if you would’ve gotten in trouble. Your decision. Your consequences.”
“Motherfucker,” she whispered, low. His words humiliated her.
“Am I?” CJ shook his head. “Maybe to you, but not to—”
“Jaleena?” she fired. “Yeah, because I know about her, too. You asked her to pick up homework for you when Rebel could’ve done it.”
CJ stiffened.
“Go ahead. Try to defend that!”
“Again, there’s nothing to defend. My sister is as worried about Mom and Jo as I am. She needs somebody to collectherfucking work, Harley. Instead of your accusations, you could pick up the fucking phone and text me or call me.Youcould ask if I need something. A candy bar. An ear to listen. A fucking walk. But you don’t because you don’t see me as a fucking person. You see me as an ideal. You’ve listened to the adults around us say we’re going to marry, for your entire life. In your head, that’s what you’ve decided. CJ and Harley belong together, so I’m marrying him. I’m no longer your friend or just a guy. I’m a goal.”
“You’re pathetic and overly dramatic,” she seethed, “victimizing yourself when, clearly,I’mthe victim, and you’re soundly in the wrong. You can’t defend the indefensible.”
“I’m pathetic, overly dramatic, and a victim? What areyou? You’re stomping around like a jealous maniac after you turned me down when I asked you to go steady. I wanted nothing more from you than to call you my girlfriend.”
“You kissed me. That just proves you’re a liar.”
Something flashed across his face, but Harley didn’t care. She was too outraged to recognize the unnamed emotion in his expression.
“Weeks later,youkissedme,” he reminded her.
“You’re horrible for bringing that up,” she said on an indignant gasp. “I was overwrought and wanted to show you how much I missed you.”
“Don’t blame your actions on me, Harley,” he snarled, more furious than she’d seen him in a while. “You sent me a fucking text and I came with no expectations. I camebecause you asked meto.Grow the fuck up. Look in the fucking mirror and ask yourself whatyouwant. First, you refused me because you said you didn’t want to ruin our friendship if we didn’t work out. Then, you told me it was because you weren’t ready. Then, you said it was because your body wasn’t developed, and you weren’t getting periods yet.”
Harley restrained herself from lunging across the table and slapping him. “You’re a disrespectful asshole. How dare you use my medical condition against me and break my confidence to boot!”
His look turned severe as if she were the one in the wrong. She allowed a tense pause, expecting an apology. He remained silent.
“Tell me the truthnow. How many times have you slept with Molly?”
“None.”
“How many times have you slept with Jaleena?”
“Not once,Harley.”
“I don’t believe you.”
CJ snapped his mouth shut, and she smiled, triumphant.
“I have proof that you’re closer to Molly than you’re admitting,” she said with self-righteous smugness. “If you just tell me the truth and leave her alone, I will find a way to forgive you.”
“I’m done.” CJ got to his feet, his gaze sad and his face drawn. “Since Mom went into the hospital, the world seems upside down. It’s almost like Death is punishing us because she and Jo beat him and survived. I miss you so much, Harley. Idolove you, but I can’t be your friend if you’re going to use me as a cover or refuse to understand that I have fucking feelings, too. In our entire lives, I’ve never lied to you, so your fucking jealousy is bullshit and a fucking excuse for bad behavior. Molly is myfriend. Jaleena is myfriend. I have absolutely no interest in fucking either one of them.”
