Page 116 of Blood & Lace
30
ONYX
Two weeks.It had been two weeks, and I was still spiraling. Lying on my couch, I stared up at the ceiling. I swore I could still smell Lucero. That cologne he wore, the one that smelled like the ocean and sunshine but deeper. Richer. It clung to the cushions, to my bed, to the very essence of my penthouse.
I hated him. And yet here I was, a bottle of wine in my hand as I tried to peel myself off the couch once more and go back to my bed, but I couldn’t. I hadn’t slept in it since he had left. Couldn’t imagine my bed not being taken up by a goddamn behemoth of an idiot that snored, and farted, and talked in his fucking sleep like a deranged asshole.
My chest ached. I rubbed it. I was starving. I’d barely eaten since he’d been gone. Nothing tasted as good as what Lucero made. Even now, I could imagine his smile as he explained what he was doing and why. How the sauce was simmered, or how he rolled out the pasta dough, or the way he was adjusting his food because I needed it.
“Fuck.” I sighed as I sucked in a sharp breath. “Fucking controlling asshole.”
I had fallen for it. Life was easier when Lucero was always there, happy to serve. That bright smile, his big hands, the warmth that radiated from him like he was the fucking sun in this goddamn abyss I had created. It was all too much.
My phone rang again. Cara. She’d been calling me every single day after I told her what happened, but I was too fucked up to talk. I needed to go see Adam again, to make sure he was safe. Or maybe I should stay away in case Régis was close by. I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I had was a bottle of good red wine, a grudge, and an infinite chasm in my chest where Lucero used to be.
Where he had carved out the trust that I’d started placing in him. It hurt. Fuck, it goddamn hurt. I rolled over and pushed my face into the pillow. For the first time in my life, I had started to think I could rely on someone other than me. Now? I was pretty damn sure I was stupid.
Cara rang me again. I stared at it and then finally answered. When I did, she sighed.
“You’re drunk,” she said.
“Only a little.”
“Oh, Onyx.” She sighed. “Why won’t you talk to him? I know he fucked up, but you love him. Isn’t that worth trying again?”
I froze. “He lied to me. He hid things. I can’t, Cara,” I said. “I-I just can’t.”
I had finally opened up and was going to tell him everything. About me, about Adam, about my father. And then it was already over. He’d broken the one thing I had asked him not to do. Everything else I let slide, but this thing, this one thing, it was violated. And I couldn’t forgive him for it. I wouldn’t!
“I know,” Cara said. “But you’re suffering too. No one who hates someone gets this fucked up about it,” she said. “You don’t hate him, you’re just upset, honey. Talk to him. At least try. Maybe he has a reason.”
“I know the reason. He’s nosey and annoying and suffocating,” I spat.
And warm. And protective. And fuck, he was different than anyone else that I had ever met. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling again. My chest ached harder. Shit. Did I actually miss him? No, no, that couldn’t be true.
“Onyx,” Cara said softly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“No.”
I didn’t know how to put it into words. The deep ache in my body felt like it went to my bones, and no matter how much I rubbed, or drank, or tried to sleep through it, nothing soothed it. For once, I was honest with someone. No, I wasn’t okay. The truth was that I just wanted Lucero back. He had filled the empty spaces in my life the way that killing never had. I missed him. I craved his big, dumb smile, his whispered pleas, his knees dragging across the floor when he followed me.
I just missed him.
“I’m suspending jobs for now.” Cara’s voice cut through the noise in my brain.
Blinking, I registered her words. I shot up. “What? No!” I said. “I need something to focus on!”
“Right now?” she said coldly. “You’re going to get yourself hurt. So no. It’s my job to be your eyes in the sky.” She fell quiet. “And to protect you. I love you, Onyx. When you’re ready to take on more work, you let me know. I’m rooting for you.”
The call ended. When I tried to call back, it went to voicemail. I tried again. And again. Nothing. Cara wasn’t kidding. This was her slapping down a boundary and telling me no. All I had now? Was nothing.
There was nothing left.
My phone buzzed in my hand. I yanked it up, ready to take her call. Instead, it was Lucero. I’d changed his name a few weeks ago to Crazy Husband. That name flashed across thescreen. He hadn’t bothered to call me for two weeks. Yeah, I’d told him to go but… seeing his name again? It did something to me.
I was about to answer it when I remembered why I was so upset. Just as soon as I thought about giving him the time of day, I ended the call. A minute went by. Two. And then my voicemail notification pinged. I pressed it.
“I know you put the tracking app on my phone. I have Adam with me.”
