Page 72 of Hound Dog
“Do youwantto know him?”
“Yes… and no.” Using my pointer finger, I collected a falling droplet of condensation from the sweating pint glass. “I have a desire to know him, obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be calling and hanging up like some thirteen-year-old girl from a 90s sitcom. But also, heleftus. He doesn’t really deserve to know me or my brothers and sister. You’re still pretty new here, so I don’t expect you to know this, but we’re pretty awesome.”
She smiled, grabbing another mozzarella stick and dipping it in the ranch. “Even new to town, that’s pretty apparent.” She paused, taking a bite and thinking as she chewed. “So, he doesn’t deserve to get to know you. But ifyouwant to meet him, then you’re also punishing yourself in an attempt to punish him. That logic seems a little counterintuitive.”
I shifted in my chair, mulling over what she’d said. This movement earned me an annoyed snort from Tyson as he adjusted his face against my shoe once more. “Maybe.”
I couldn’t really explain it. I’d been wrestling with these same thoughts over and over in my head. Which was probably why I kept picking up the phone to call, only to hang up whenever I heard his voice.
“What if I meet him and he’s just the same asshole who abandoned us all those years ago?”
What if I’m just like him?
Haylee winced but offered me a small smile. “That would suck. But also, what if he’s not?”
If he wasn’t the same asshole, then wouldn’t he have calledusby now?
“Look,” Haylee said, “You do you. I can only speak as someone whose asshole dad died when she was a baby. But even still, knowing he was an asshole who only wanted me and my mom to disappear, I’d still want to talk to him if he were alive today. At least once so that I had no regrets.”
Shit.Iwas the asshole. Here I was complaining about my dad who was alive and well while she’d lost both her parents at a young age. And had lost her dad without ever having met him.
“What was the hardest thing when your parents died?”
She paused, taking a slow sip of her beer thoughtfully before answering. “Well, I never knew my dad. I wasn’t even old enough to mourn his death when it happened. But my mom…”
A sad smile twitched the corner of her mouth, and she glanced up at me, blinking her long lashes slowly. “I think the hardest thing was imagining all the major life events she won’t be here for. And every time I hit one of those milestones, I have to relive that loss all over again.”
I blew a breath out of my tight lips. “I hadn’t thought about my dad in years. Since that summer I met you. Then, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and the thought of losing her was…”
My voice cracked and I cleared my throat with a shake of my head. “I just couldn’t help but wonder if my dad was still out there. I think that’s why I call and hang up. Just to know he’s still alive. Even if I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”
Haylee reached across the table, taking my hand. “What happens on the day you call him and he doesn’t answer?”
Fuck.I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. But whatwouldI do if Dad died before I got to talk to him?
Regret ached, roiling, in my gut. I gave Haylee an exaggerated scowl. “You know, it’s really annoying when you’re rightallthe time.”
She shrugged with a playful eye-roll and gave my hand a final squeeze before letting go. Already, I felt lonely in the absence of her touch. “I can’t help how perfect I am, Finn.”
Her phone, sitting faceup next to her plate, buzzed against the table, and I saw Ben’s name and photo light up the screen.
She glanced down, staring briefly at the phone before silencing it and turning it facedown.
My heart skipped a beat. “Not gonna answer it?” I asked.
She shook her head. “As a general rule, I don’t take calls while I’m out and about. I’ll call him back later when I’m at home.”
Damn. Logical. Nothing to get all hopeful over. Just basic manners on her part.
I cleared my throat and stood up from the seat. “Well, I’m going to go wash my hands real quick, so if you want to give him a call back, you can. No big deal to me.”
Lie of the century.
It was a big fucking deal to me.
But it was also none of my business.
She wasn’t mine. No matter how much I wished she was.
