Page 122 of Hound Dog
I narrowed my eyes. “What guy?”
“The guy who thinks he doesn’t deserve the girl. The guy who pines for her for years… decades, even. The guy who makes two lives miserable because of some false notion of martyrdom.”
“Hey—”
“Finn Evans, listen to me. You are good enough for love. You are good enough for Haylee’s love. As long as you can pull your head out of your tight ass fast enough to stop wasting both of your time. Take it from an old broad who spent most of her life thinking she didn’t deserve love either.”
I blinked at Meryl. She’d moved here alone, without a husband. She had never even mentioned any man in her past. I sort of just thought she was one of those women who was too cool for marriage. “Were you ever…?”
“Married? Yes. For a few years. My miscarriage took its toll on my relationship though, and eventually, we divorced. Long before Haylee was ever born. After that miscarriage, I spent years in love with a different man. But he’d once said on a date that he wanted a family and… well, if my history was any indication, I couldn’t give him that. I ended things. I fell on that sword. And I thought I was fucking Joan of Arc.”
My eyes went wide. I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard Meryl sayfuckbefore.
“Eventually, he got married to another woman. They had children together. But the thing is, I never gave him the opportunity to choose me. I made the decision for him because I was so caught up in my own self-pity crap. For people like us, that comes out as self-righteous.”
“People like us?”
“Yes!” She smacked my chest with the back of her hand. “People like us. For me, it was my ex-husband who made me feel I was less-than as a partner. I don’t know who did that for you, but it’s clear someone did.”
I thought of my own father. It was crazy to think wanderlust was genetic. Logically, I knew that. But it wasn’t just my dad who couldn’t be in a relationship. My mom hadn’t had one in the twenty-something years since he had left either.
For different reasons, sure. But this wasn’t me falling on a sword.
I wasn’t being a martyr like Meryl said.
I was being realistic.
Knowing my limitations.
“Finn, the way my ex made me feel? It wasn’t real. If I had told Charles about my infertility, he might have still chosen me. Or he might have been open to adoption. Surrogacy. That sort of thing wasn’t done a whole lot back then, but who knows. Point is, I took away Charles’s autonomy… because my ex-husband took away mine. Don’t take away Haylee’s.”
Her autonomy. That was Haylee’s argument all those years ago on the roof, too.
My head hurt. Thoughts were swimming around in a muddied pit of thick molasses.
“I, uh… I need to get going. I’ve got an early dinner with my family, then um…”
Shit. What did I tell Meryl I was doing tonight? I couldn’t tell her I was meeting with a matchmaking client.
Hard plastic thumped against my toe, and I looked down to find two beady eyes looking up at me through the transparent ball.
I bent over and lifted up the hedgehog, holding the ball in my arms. “What about her? I could take this little lady off your hands for a few days. Maybe even find her a new home with one of my… friends.”
Meryl’s brow popped. “You’re going to use Eleanor to set up a match for your little Hound Dog business?”
My body went cold, feet cemented to the ground below me. Maybe I didn’t hear her right. Maybe Meryl just meant to reference the hotdog stand? I let loose with a tinny laugh that didn’t even come close to hiding my dismay. “Why would I use Eleanor to sell hotdogs?”
I was met with a leveling stare and a slanted frown. “NotthatHound Dog, and you know it. I’m talking about your other little business. The matchmaking site.”
My stomach flipped over itself, a mixture of relief and panic wringing my insides. “What did you say?”
Meryl’s eyes glistened, amber and gold tinted. “Don’t worry, I haven’t told anyone about that business of yours. Butreally. If you’re trying to keep this matchmaking thing a secret, you and Haylee shouldn’t talk so loudly out in the yard. My ankle might be injured, but my ears are just fine.”
“Clearly.” I chuckled because I didn’t know what else to do. Or say. I was floored. Here I thought we’d done such a good job keeping Hound Dog a secret. It made me wonder who the hell else knew the truth.
“Truthfully though, I would love to find Eleanor a good home. She’s a sweet lady, but she runs around in this little ball, and even I can admit it’s dangerous for me. One of these days, she’s going to trip me, and I’m going to sprain my other ankle.”
“Well, I don’t know if anyone will want to, uh, use her in a session, but she’s kind of cute. I wouldn’t mind watching her for a week or two.”
