Page 118 of Hound Dog
“Don’t worry about me,” I sneered. Panicked helplessness pulsed through me as I forced the bravado. “I’ll be back.” Eventually.
“I mean it, Haylee. Don’t run away. We can live in the same town together… as neighbors. As friends.”
Friends.
The word deflated me, but I shrugged in a way that I prayed was nonchalant as I lifted the lid and stirred the al dente macaroni. “I guess we’ve done it once before under circumstances that were much worse. I hated your guts when I first arrived. Now look at me—I’m freaking in love with you.”
Fuck. Me.
Why did I say that? Why did my brain resort to word vomit when I was stressed?
Maybe he didn’t hear me?
I slowly turned to look at him from over my shoulder and cringed when I saw his face.
His gray face.
For a moment, I worried he might pass out on me again. “You… you love me?” he repeated.
Crap. My body went rigid. Was I really telling the man who was dumping me that I loved him? Heat flamed in my cheeks, and I lowered my head, looking down at the pot of steaming water.
If I was a better person, a stronger person, I would have stood my ground. Stood there in silence and allowed that to sink in. I should have looked Finn right in the face and said,Yes, I’m in love with you. And I think you love me.
But insecurity unsheathed itself in my heart and, instead, I said, “I thought I was. But as you said, I’m still rebounding from Ben, so what the hell do I know?”
I lifted the heavy pot of macaroni and drained the water.
“Right,” Finn whispered. “Rebounding.”
My breath hitched in my chest as I waited. Waited for him to realize that he’d also fallen for me. That we were great together. Meant to be. And that he’d never stopped thinking of me in six years and won’t stop thinking of me for another six years.
Because I hadn’t ever stopped thinking of him. Even when I was with Ben, late at night lying in bed, Finn’s face would pop into my mind, and I would wonder what he was doing.
Seconds ticked on. Still no word from Finn. No response. NoI love you, too.
And with every passing moment, my heart cracked more.
Why was I fighting so hard for someone who didn’t return my feelings?
Finally, Finn let out a long sigh before his emerald eyes found mine. “I don’t think I know how to love anyone.”
My heartbeat slammed like three giant drumbeats in my chest before I finally nodded.
It was all I could do. I had no words.
Finn didn’t love me.
Finn could never love me.
Blinking back the onslaught of tears, I ripped the packet of cheesy powder, dumped it in the pot, and stirred in some almond milk.
Then, I spooned a generous portion into a bowl before cutting up the vegan hotdog and mixing it into the mac and cheese. “Sit,” I told him. “Eat. Before you faint again.”
“Haylee, did you hear me?”
“Regardless of whether or not you love me, you need to eat something. So, sit.” Blinking rapidly, I forced my vision to clear just in time to see the gloss of tears wash over Finn’s eyes.
He did as I said, dropping into the chair as I slid the bowl to him.
