Page 97 of Sugarlips
38
Chloe
Tanja never called this morning like she said she would.
Shedidtext after lunch, though. Four whole words:
Hey girl what’s up?
That was it. I didn’t even get the courtesy of a comma.
I stared at that text for an hour.
Tanja and I had been friends for years. Yes, I was pissed at her. But I wasn’t ready to give up on our friendship yet, either. Especially not now with Elaina in another country and Liam…
I gulped and squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of burning tears.
Tanja didn’t know I loved Liam. She thought we were friends. Could I really blame her for coming onto him?
Yes, a little voice whispered. I shoved it aside. It was wrong. That voice was just wrong. And it wasn’t like I was swimming with friends these days. Most of my friends ditched me when Dan left.
But Tanja didn’t. She was busy and flighty and sometimes a little self-absorbed, but she was also fun and she loved me.
I glanced at the clock. Six-thirty. With Addy filling in for me at The Dump Truck tonight, I had the whole evening to myself. Alone.
I could do this. An evening by myself. With no one to distract or temper my thoughts.
I popped my earbuds in—if I couldn’t distract myself with friends and conversation, then maybe I could with music.
Two and a half hours later, I had cooked and eaten a bland veggie stir-fry. I’d done the dishes. Caught up on laundry. And vacuumed, mopped, and dusted my entire house.
And I was coming out of my skin. Maybe I should go to sleep? Sure, it was only nine o’clock, but I probably needed to catch up on rest.
I slumped onto my couch and reached for my phone.
There was a missed call and a voicemail … from Tanja. Two hours ago.
As I pressed play, her voice filled my ears.
“Chloe,” she said in a tone that was quieter than I’d ever heard her in my life. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you and Liam were… I mean… I thought you were just friends. Can I see you tonight? Or tomorrow? Please. Call me.”
She sounded… different. Really, really different. The only other time I’d heard her sound this contrite was back in our freshman year of college when she got caught sneaking into the theater building to “borrow” a dress she’d seen in the costume department for a date she had. When the guard caught her and asked her name, she’d panicked and gave the guardmyname, not her own. It was a huge mess that ended up with me being called into a disciplinary meeting. It eventually blew up in her face, but she’d dragged me into a situation that I wasn’t even a part of in the first place.
It almost ruined our friendship back then, and my parents have distrusted her ever since. But she’s spent eight years making up for that and proving that she was a good friend despite that hiccup.
Andwhatwas so wrong about leaning on your friends, anyway? I was angry, and sad, and humiliated on a national level with that stupid viral video… and alone.
Ihatedbeing alone. I hated it to my core.
Screw you, Liam. Being alone may work for him, but not for me. Everyone handles grief differently; it wasn’t my fault that I was an extrovert. Just like it wasn’t Liam’s fault he was an introvert! Why should I be forced to do things his way? I wanted to hang out with my friends. I wanted to spend my time with other people. Even during times of distress. Or maybeespeciallyduring times of distress.
And that didn’t make me a bad person, for God’s sake.
If he couldn’t understand that, then maybe weweren’tmeant to be friends.
Clutching my phone, I grabbed my keys and some snacks, and hit the redial button. It rang a few times, then went to voicemail. “Tanja, it’s me,” I said, pinning the phone between my ear and shoulder as I locked my front door behind me. “I don’t want to fight. I’ve got a bag of Oreos and I’m on my way over.”
Tanja’s apartment complex was literally a five minute drive from my house. I got there in three.
