Page 95 of Sugarlips
No. I wanted her to see how she’d been using me all this time, even if it was unintentional. I wanted her to realize she was madly in love with me. I wanted her to learn she was strong enough on her own, but that loving me in return could enhance her already wonderful life. But that all felt so hopeless. So, instead, I swallowed down those thoughts and simply gave Finn a nod. “At a bare minimum… yes.”
With a roll of his eyes, Finn leveled me with a look that made it seem likehewas the big brother; the older and wiser of the two of us. “But if you two are working together on the food truck, then that’s not exactly taking time apart, is it?”
I sighed as my attention pulled to the TV in the corner of the café. Our picture—a portrait the show had taken of us while they were here in town—was plastered on the screen. Why the hell did people care so much about two random people from a small town? My family had now been at the center oftwoviral stories—and I still just didn’t get it.
“You’re going to be next,” I said, angling my chin toward the TV. “Just wait. You’re going to say or do something and someone’s going to record you… andbam. The next viral Evans family member: Finnegan Samuel.”
He groaned, his lip curling in distaste. “I hate when you use my full name. Besides, I think we both know if there’s an Evans sibling who’s going to be recorded saying something dumb, it’s probably Addy.”
I laughed at that. “I would’ve thought so, too… But here I am.”
Finn shook his head, the humor in his face sliding away. “You told her you loved her… that’s not dumb. That’s brave.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Unfortunately, I don’t think it can ever work between us.”
Finn reached into the glass case and filled the donut tray that had emptied with the first busy wave of customers this morning. “Then you didn’t see what I saw today. She’ssofucking in love with you. She’s coming out of her skin, not knowing what to do without you.”
“Yeah,” my voice was raspy. I knew his words were meant to soothe my broken heart, but if anything, they just made it worse. “That’s sort of the problem. I think I became her life preserver. I was a flotation device tossed to her in the middle of a riptide when she was drowning and now? She’s still clinging to me. Not because she loves me, but because she’s afraid if she lets go, she’ll drown.”
We worked silently for a minute before Finn said, “You know… it’sokayto need someone."
I rolled my eyes. “That’s not love. That’s co-dependency.”
“Sure. If it’s all the time. But occasionally leaning on someone you love isn’t a bad thing.”
“I know. But this is different. Chloe won’t let herself be in love with me—be in a relationship with me—because she’s so scared of losing what we have. Because sheneedsme.” I spat the word like it was snake venom.
“Aren’tyouscared of losing what you have?”
“Of course I am. But the reward is greater than the risk, in my opinion.”
Finn’s face jerked, shifting in thought—as though he had a lot to add—but he didn’t speak. He simply organized the donuts with that expression in silence.
“Come on,” I grunted. “Out with it.”
“Nah. You’re my big brother. I’m on your side.”
“You’re on my side… but you disagree with me?”
He shrugged. “Does it matter if I agree with you or not?”
Maybe it shouldn’t matter, but it did. Suddenly, I burned with the need to know what he was thinking. “Come on,” I prodded. “Tell me.”
Finn sighed heavily. “I just think that, yes—maybe you’re right, and Chloe has something to learn about being less co-dependent. There’s also the possibility thatyouhave something to learn about allowing yourself to need others. She’s been good for you. She doesn’t wait for you to ask for help, because I think she knows you never will. She just jumps in. Like coming to the hospital for Mom.”
“And leaving me there when things got too emotional.”
He threw his hands up in surrender. “I’m not saying she’s flawless. I agree she has things to work on. But maybeyoudo, too. If you’d stop being so self-righteous long enough to see that her way isn’t all bad… then maybe you can meet in the middle.” He became really quiet, straightening the same damn donut in the case for the millionth time. “It’s rare you meet someone like Chloe. Someone who wears their raw emotions on their sleeve; someone who isn’t afraid to lean on the people they love.”
Yeah, she wore all her emotions on her sleeve… except for love. She wouldn’t let herself love me.
Finn clicked the TV off as a customer came in—a younger woman with an older woman. A bride and her mother, if I had to guess.
He leaned into me, making sure they couldn’t hear him before he whispered, “And for God’s sake, it’s okay to ask for help sometimes.”
That evening,I arrived at Beefcakes after my nap. The food truck was parked in its usual spot, out front.
I was a bundle of nerves. Would Chloe show up tonight? She hadn’t texted me all day since leaving Beefcakes, and I was feeling withdrawal symptoms. I found myself staring at her pictures on Instagram, wishing I could call her, hear her voice… and hold her.
