Page 68 of Healing You
“So... you fix it. You're a doctor. You make things better. Go make it better.”
After a beat of frustration, he blew out a breath. “Yeah, it's not that easy. There's no pill for forgiveness.”
“No shit,” Dawn said in that perfectly candid way she had about her. They stood staring at Yvonne working and almost sensing their stares, she looked up, catching their eyes on her. She waved, her grin widening when she saw Dawn, but she didn't stop working. “Whatever it is keeping you from her... get over yourself. You deserve peace. You deserve happiness, even though I know deep down you still don't believe you do. And she deserves happiness, too. You've got to find a way to not spend your life so fearful of what may or may not happen again.” Dawn gave his arm a final squeeze before she walked over to say hello to Yvonne.
That was easy for her to say. In the course of six years, she hadn't lost her father and almost lost her own life and a girlfriend's. Steve could barely remember what it was like living without that fear of loss. It had been so deeply carved into his personality, into his soul, he wasn't sure he knew how to survive without it. It was as much a part of him as his legs or flesh or the blood rushing through his body. But just as he couldn't imagine living without fear... it was even harder to imagine living without Yvonne.
3 3
T he air horn sounded, blasting through the start line of the race and Yvonne felt her belly jump at the sound. Adrenaline pumped through her, and she smiled down at Gatsby as they took off running. She made sure to take it easy, going at a leisurely pace instead of her usual race-day “in it to win it” speed. Gatsby trotted alongside of her and at times even pulled harder on the leash. He was begging to go faster and with the kinetic energy of dozens of other dogs and runners taking off ahead of them, it simply fueled his energy. It pushed Gatsby to want to run and play and chase the other runners.
As they rounded the curve into the second mile, a familiar baritone voice was in her ear. It didn't have its usual deep husk to it and instead, he was breathless. “Yvonne.”
She slowed to match Jonah's pace as he struggled to stay by her shoulder. “You made it,” she said. “How's your first race going?”
“Well, I've got nothing to compare it to. But so far so good, I think.”
Even though it was only eight a.m., the sun was already blazing hot above them, and Jonah's skin was dappled with sweat. Gatsby brushed his leg, tail wagging, and Yvonne couldn't help but smile. That was the beauty of dogs, right? It didn't matter that Jonah hadn't really cared for him. It didn't matter that he would have happily let Gatsby live the remainder of his life in the garage alongside his fancy cars. Gatsby lived in the moment. And just then, in that moment, he was simply happy to visit with an old friend he hadn't seen in a while.
And for that second, watching Gatsby give Jonah the second chance, Steve's face flashed into her mind. Maybe she needed to take a lesson out of Gatsby's book for once. Live in the moment.
“Hey G,” Jonah said, giving Gatsby a quick, reserved pat to the head.
They ran beside each other for a little longer before Yvonne broke the silence. “I think it's really great you're getting involved in the community here. Living in Maple Grove is more than putting an address under your name. I've always wanted that for you.”
Jonah smiled, his dark curly hair flopping with each pounding strike of his feet against pavement. “Thanks. I always thought I'd be bored here whenever I'd come to stay with you at your place—”
“What? All of three times?”
He dropped his head. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I messed up a lot.”
She paused to tug her water bottle from her waist belt and pulled off to the side to give Gatsby a drink. “I hope that's not why you're here. Why you're doing this... moving here. As some sort of way to win me back—”
“No,” he interrupted, running a hand through his damp hair. “Well... yeah. At first it was. But in the last few weeks, I get it. I've seen you with him around town and, hell, you never smiled like that with me when we were together.”
“You never smiled like that with me either.”
“Yeah, I guess I didn't.”
“Just... whoever she is that makes you happy, don't try to change her into something else. Love her for who she is.”
“I promise.”
Yvonne slipped the water bottle back into her belt and before taking off again, she paused. “You're not adopting a pet today, are you?”
Jonah's gaze dropped to Gatsby for a moment before he shook his head. “No offense, but I barely have time for myself.”
A sense of relief washed over her. Yvonne sure as hell knew that was true. She was just happy he knew it as well. “I hope that changes for you. And when it does, if you decide you want a pet, I can help you find the right one.”
“Like a goldfish?” he called after her as she and Gatsby took off running again.
She smiled, but didn't bother to look back. There was no reason to. Not when there was so much waiting for her ahead at the finish line.
Yvonne took a deep breath as she rounded the corner at the four and a half mile point. Gatsby lagged slightly behind, and she slowed her pace to nearly a walk. His tongue was out of his mouth, and she pulled off into the grassy shade and bent to give him more water. His chest heaved with violent pants... more strained than usual, and he lapped up the water.
Yvonne could feel her body tense as she sat down next to him, stretching out her muscles. “It's okay, Gatsby. We've got nowhere to be. We can take our time getting to that finish line. She leaned into the grass, resting on her elbow and lowered her face to his chest, playing with the turquoise bandana tied around his neck. She smiled, running her fingers over the tightly woven embroidery that Kyra had given him six weeks earlier.
As her deep breathing faded, another sound filled her ears. Wheezing. Like Gatsby couldn't breathe. And just as quickly, she too, felt her breath tighten in her chest. She placed a hand on his belly. The soft rise and fall came slower and slower, and his head lolled on the grass, his eyes closed.
