Page 16 of Sweet on You
“But what if he is?”
“He’snot,” I snapped, then quickly got a hold of my emotions with a deep breath. “And even if he was… he’s going to have to do better than that. I put it all out there and got shot down. If he wants to go on a date, he needs to flat out ask me. No more coy bullshit. Like I said… the ball’s in his court now. And he has to do more than just try to pass it back to me. He needs to dunk that thing and shatter the backboard while he’s at it.”
Yvonne nodded, compassion and understanding filling her eyes.
The waitress brought over a basket of rolls and butter, setting them down between us. I so badly wanted to reach for one. They glistened with roasted garlic and onions and my mouth watered for just one taste. I swallowed, my mouth still salivating.
Yvonne grabbed one, tearing it open and smearing butter that immediately melted with the warmth of the fresh out of the oven rolls. She paused, the bread halfway to her mouth. “Oh. Um, is it okay if I—”
I waved off her concerns. “Of course.”
“We can send them back.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Most of my friends and family knew not to offer me sweets or bread. Steve usually teased me the most, but for the most part, everyone respected my lifestyle choice to limit carbs, go gluten free, and cut sugar from my diet. While most people can splurge every now and then and not fall completely off the wagon… that wasn’t me. I wasn’t the type of woman who could have one roll. One bite of a chocolate bar. One potato chip. One bite and the next thing I knew, I’d have a cart full of Oreos at the grocery store and would finish a whole bag in ten minutes.
That in itself wasn’t the terrible thing. It was the urge that came later. The urge to run to the bathroom and stick my finger down my throat. The urge to over-correct. To punish myself at the gym for three hours the next day. It wasn’t healthy—I knew that. But I never claimed to be healthy—I claimed to be trying. I’m trying to be the better, healthier version of myself. I’m extremely careful about that when I have new clients at the gym. My way is not the only way. My path is not the only path. You need to find what works for you, for your body, for your journey and we are all constant works in progress. Me, especially.
“You know,” Yvonne said carefully, nibbling on her bread. “Sometimes I feel like because I only just got you back as a friend that I have to tread carefully. Like… I’m walking on eggshells.”
I set my water down on the table, pain slicing into my chest. “What do you mean?” Sure, Yvonne and I had a long hiatus in our friendship—but that was an extenuating circumstance. Back in high school, she and my brother had had a huge accident that left both of them almost dead. And it seemed like she had blamed Steve for it—even though I came to find out that wasn’t true. And again—with my temper—we didn’t talk for years.
Yvonne sighed. “I love that I have you back. I missed you so much for almost ten years. But, Ronnie… you’re a tough cookie. And you’re intimidating sometimes.”
I knew all this. But I couldn’t exactly help it, either. I had to be tough. In a house with four other siblings, most of whom were boys, and losing my dad at such a young age? Tough was what got me through. Tough was what got me through being left at the altar. Tough was what gave me the ability to kick the Adderall addiction when I was a teenager. Tough was what got me to pull through when I was hospitalized for nearly overdosing after not eating for more than two weeks.
Even still, the full weight of how much I missed our friendship weighed heavily on my shoulders. And I didn’t want Yvonne to feel like I could at any moment walk away from this friendship again. I reached across the table and took her hand. “Hey,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve grown a lot since I was a hot-headed teenager. I missed you so much when we weren’t talking. When Brian dumped me, I wanted to so badly to call you.”
“You never showed your emotions, though. Even when we were best friends in high school. It made opening up and talking to you so hard.”
My throat clogged like a backed-up pipe and I blinked back a couple of unexpected tears. “I’m sorry. Back then, when people hurt me or my family, I didn’t know how to react other than to just walk away entirely.”
Yvonne nodded. “Promise me you won’t do that with me again?”
I didn’t hesitate to answer. “I promise.”
She swallowed and looked up at me with big, brown eyes. “And… don’t get mad… but maybe that’s why Lex is having a hard time dunking that ball. Even though you’re not as extreme as you once were, you still do pull away emotionally.”
I tensed up. I couldn’t help it. Her words hit a little too close to home.
“I’m not saying to let him off easy or to read too much into the little things. But maybe just… let him know that the hoop is open. Give him thechanceto dunk, rather than making it harder for him.”
She was right. It was so obvious and true. I was hard on people—all people. But I was hardest on those I cared the most about. “I’ll… I’ll try.” I wiped my eyes and shook my head. “Man, you’ll do almostanythingto get those dogs into foster homes, won’t you?”
Yvonne laughed and gave my hand a squeeze before releasing me. “I bet you a hundred bucks you’ll fall in love with Copper before your mother’s birthday.”
“Penny,” I said, holding up my finger. “Remember? I named the dog Penny.”
Yvonne rolled her eyes. “That’s a stupid name for a boy dog.”
Don’t I know it.
