Page 102 of Sweet on You
34
Ronnie
Two hours later, I was sitting in the visitor’s room at the county jail. Before leaving Maple Grove, I had stopped into Latte Da to try to find Lex, only to discover from Seth that he was out for the day with Olivia. I was a bundle of nerves having to do this without seeing Lex first. But I also knew, I couldn’t wait. The longer I waited, the more risk that I would lose Lex.
My heart slammed against my chest with each rapid beat. Loud noises surrounded me…everything from buzzing door locks to garbled announcements over an intercom.
The door opened and a woman with stringy blonde hair stepped out. A guard had his hand on her elbow. She scanned the room, her brows twisted in a frown, before she looked back up at the guard and said, “I don’t know anyone out here.”
He looked at the clipboard in his hands and pointed at the small circular table where I was seated. “That one,” he said, his voice gruff.
The woman I assumed was Sarah looked me up and down before weaving through the room cautiously and sitting in the empty chair across from me. “Who the fuck are you?”
It wasn’t really said in a hostile way, but her eyes never left me. Scrutinizing. Even while blinking, she seemed to keep one eye open.
“My name is Ronnie. I’m Lex’s girlfriend.”
Her eyes widened, and for just a brief moment, I saw a raw moment of honesty and apprehension glide over her features before the tougher-than-nails mask fell right back into place. “So? What do you want with me?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Or at least, the ten thousand dollar question. I didn’t want to show my cards just yet, though. For some reason, I knew that if I dangled the idea of getting out on bail, she’d just tell me what I wanted to hear. Not the truth. “Lex once told me a story about how his grandmother tried to get him to go to rehab and instead of going, he stole her wallet and ran off with the cash.”
Her jaw hardened and she let out a humorless laugh. “Nowthatsounds like the Lex I know.”
My teeth gnashed together. “That’s the thing… that’s not the Lex I know. Not by a long shot. After he told me that story, he said, ‘you can’t help an addict who isn’t ready to get help.’”
“True,” she said, leaning back in the chair and folding her arms.
“I guess I want to know… are you? Ready to get help?”
She sat there for several minutes in silence… but I didn’t press. I wanted her honest answer.
“He’s really changed, hasn’t he?” she finally asked.
I nodded. “He has. I mean… I don’t know who he was back when you were together. But from the stories I’ve heard? I don’t think I’d even recognize that Lex.”
She wet her lips, her gaze dropping from mine for the first time since she sat down. “I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep,” she said quietly. “Being in here for a few weeks, I’m finally detoxed and… in some ways, it feels great. And in other ways, all I want to do is go find some fucking pills to pop.” She sighed and lifted her eyes once more to mine. “Yeah, I want to stay clean… but really, I just want it to be not so fucking hard. So painful every minute of every day.”
If she’d simply said yes, she was ready to get help… I’m not sure that I would have bought that she was telling me the truth. But there was a tragic melancholy in her voice. In her words. And I believed her. “I can’t really speak from experience, but… I imagine it gets easier with time. Less painful to make that choice to stay sober.” At least, Lex didn’t seem to be in pain… but was he? It made my heart hurt to think of him going through this and feeling like he couldn’t confide in me about how hard it was. “How long have you stayed sober in the past?”
She snorted and shook her head. “You don’t want to know.”
“I do. I really do.”
She paused. “Two months.”
Two months? That’s it? I tried to temper my expression, but I was certain I was failing wildly. “What do you think is different about this time?”
“I want to get this shit under control before Liv starts remembering. I don’t want her childhood memories to include finding me shooting up in the bathtub on Christmas morning.”
I winced at her words, and after a deep breath, I pressed my palms into the table and stood. “Okay, then.”
“Okay, then, what?”
“Okay, then… I’m going to go post your bail.”
