Page 48 of Role Play
“Then take a bite of the kale salad,” I said, losing patience. On one hand, Richard was spot on about this whole training a submissive thing. Her defiance was so fucking sexy. But it was sexy because I knew she’d give in to the pleasure soon enough. I could feel it radiating off of her. She wanted this. But even though it was in her nature, I didn’t want to push too hard. It was still her choice. She still had to say yes and consent for us to progress and moveforward.
“This is one of the things from the contract I’m not okaywith—”
“Lucy!” I boomed. “Take a goddamned bite of yourfood.”
She crossed her arms and lifted a dark brow in my direction.Okay… good to know. Yelling will not get me veryfar.
“Okay. Fine.” I lifted her fork and stabbed a piece of kale, holding it up to her pursed lips. “You have to eat, sweetgirl.”
“Red,” she snapped. I immediately dropped the fork to the plate, swallowing my sigh. She used the one phrase I was powerless against. Problem was, we hadn’t set our limits yet. All I wanted her to do was eat her fucking dinner. How in the hell wasthata hardlimit?
“What if I heat it up for you?” I tried. “Or make you something else for dinner? I could make us grilled cheeseor—”
“Did I stutter, Ash?” She folded her arms, her knuckles going white as she clutched at her arms. “I didn’t say yellow. I saidred. Dictating what I eat and when I eat is a hard limit forme.”
I wanted to throw the fucking plate into the wall; watch it shatter like my goddamn patience. Instead, I stifled that destructive urge of mine—that stupid, primal aggression I always had. It was one of the better things being a Dom had taught me—how to cool my temper in tough situations. It wasn’t ideal, but with my subs, I couldn’t let my temper get the best of me. Ever. Especially in a scenario where a sub was using a safeword. Above all else, the experience had to be safe, sane, and consensual. “Can I askwhy?”
She nibbled at her top lip and her blanched knuckles loosened against her arms. “Does itmatter?”
Does it matter?Yes. Yes, it fucking mattered. “It matters because I want to understand youbetter.”
She lifted her eyes to the top corner of my dining room, deep in thought before she answered. “My dad used to dictate what my mom could eat. And then after he left, in some sort of cruel displacement, my mother started controllingmydiet. I wasn’t allowed sugar. Very few carbs, and we had weekly weigh-ins where she would track my gains.” She shrugged in a seemingly nonchalant way that I saw right through. “Transference at itsbest.”
Holy shit. I pulled back, feeling like an asshole.Her parentsdid that?That was fucked up. I had assumed food issues would come from an ex-boyfriend. Some piece of shit dude who only cared if her jeans got too tight, not whether or not she was being healthy. But a mother and father? My stomach squeezed for Lucy. Her mom and dad had been given a gift of parenthood and they just shat it away. It wasn’t fucking fair. “Why…” I had trouble finding my words. “Why would your mom do that after going through itherself?”
Lucy took a deep breath, “I don’t want to go into the long history now, but she was very controlling. She thought she was helping me live healthier, but the truth was, because of her, I had—well,have—an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. And now that I’m out from under that microscope, I can’t handle someone watching over what I eat again. I just… Ican’t.”
I was not expecting that. In a million years, I wouldn’t have expected that story to be in Lucy’s history. Even though she and Brie were so very different, they were also so muchalike.
Everything about this girl was screaming for me to run far, far away. To hit the brakes and reverse direction. Only, instead, I found myself with my foot pressing firmly against the accelerator, speeding right toher.
Don’t run, Briewhispered.
I took a deep breath. “I have a thing about food, too,” I admitted. “I need to know you’re eating and beinghealthy.”
“Why?” she pushed. “Why can’t you just trust that I know my body and my health well enough to choose what nourishesme?”
I swallowed.Tell her, Brie pushed. But I couldn’t. Instead, I answered, “Do you? Do you eat well? Full meals with protein andgreens?”
She went back to biting that lip of hers and shoved her glasses higher onto her nose even though they weren’t slipping.“I eat when I needto.”
“Last night? When you were getting drunk with me at the bar… you admitted you hadn’t eaten dinner yet. Then, all you ate was that protein brownie I gave you in my car. Did you eat something more when you got home? Or was a brownie all you ate for dinner… after gettingdrunk?”
She squirmed against the table, shifting those muscled thighs of hers back and forth and stared at her fingers, now knotted in her lap. “I needed sleep more than I neededfood.”
That’s what I thought.I ran my hands over my face and lowered into the chair in front of her. What the hell was I supposed to do now? What do you do when one of her hard limits intersected with one of your own? Ineededto know she ate well. I fucking needed it. And she had emotionally abusive parents who had misguided ideas of what healthy looked like. I swallowed hard, a thought hitting me like a bucket of ice. Was that how I came across, too? Was I like Lucy’s mom? Misguided in this need to make sure my subs ate well and werehealthy?
“Look,” I started. “Here’s the thing. I’m not trying to control your eating. I promise you. I’m not trying to limit your calories or make it so you lose weight.” Even though I had just sat down, I kicked the chair back, standing upright and cupping her jaw to drive the point home. “You are gorgeous. Your body is perfect. You don’t need to change or lose weight. That’s not what that part of my contract is about. I just need to know you’re eating—and eating good, nutritious food. None of this juice dietshit.”
One dark eyebrow lifted over even darker eyes. “Do I look like the kind of girl who juicediets?”
I almost laughed. If I hadn’t been so fucking on edge and nervous and worried for her, I might have. “You look like a beautiful girl who is afraid to lose power and control because of your past. But I’m telling you, Lucy, that’s not my intention. Your safety and health are my intention.Always.”
She swallowed and her pink tongue pushed through the tight seam of her lips, wetting them. “Those were my mom’s intentions, too. She did it out of love. But it still damaged me. Sometimes the road to hell is paved with goodintentions.”
Fuck. That was like a shiv to my heart. “I hear you. I acknowledge your feelings.” I paused, taking a moment to think of an alternative. “So, if you can promise me that you’ll eat three meals a day…” I paused, my eyes drifting closed briefly. “I promise to back off. But I am trusting you to be honest with me… and yourself. You don’t have to check in with me about eating or taking care of yourself. Because if you tell me you will be healthy, I will trust that you are doing so.Deal?”
Outside, a car alarm went off somewhere in the distance and she whipped her head to the window, jumping with the noise. She remained like that, eyes cast out the window for a few moments, deep inthought.
