Page 3 of Role Play
“You’ve never trained anyone, Ash,” Jude said, cutting me off. I lifted my gaze to him and he blinked, his expression solemn, unreadable. But I knew him. I knew what was behind those eyes. He was throwing me a life raft. He knew how important Brie’s legacy was to her—to me—and in that moment, I could have kissed theman.
I shook my head no. “I haven’t.” A breath pushed past my lips as I fell back in the chair, relieved for the time being to escape answering the question. Involuntarily, my knee bounced and I squeezed my hand over my thigh to stop themovement.
Richard looked surprised by that. “You’ve never trained a new submissive? That was one of my favorite things, introducing a new sub to the lifestyle. Showing her the pleasures within pain and submission. Watching it in her eyes as she shifted, gave up control, and fully submitted to herpleasure.”
The line of my throat was drier than if I had swallowed sand in place of my coffee. I’d never had any desire to train a submissive. That was a little too close to home. None of the sex I’d had in the last five years ever felt like I was betraying Brie. I could fuck every woman in Los Angeles—whether kinky or vanilla sex— and it wouldn’t feel like I was forsaking the love we’d had. But training a new submissive? Introducing a new partner to the life Brie and I had started together? I swallowed, ignoring the buzzing sensation in my sinuses. It would cross the emotional line I had drawn in thesand.
I shook my head, focusing not on the burning emotion in my chest, but on the cool metal of her ring on my pinky finger. My rock. Both in life and in death. “No. I’ve never introduced a submissive to the lifestyle. And I don’t plan to.”I fuck, I wanted to say.A lot.But I don’t commit. Being a Dominant; feeling the power over a woman… over her pleasure, her pain… was my Xanax. It gave me control in a chaotic world where I had zero of it. It gave me a piece of Brie. It gave me a fake reality where maybe, just maybe, I could have savedher.
Rich nodded, his expression impassive, revealing nothing. But for a brief moment, his gaze dropped to Brie’s ring. Rich had known me five years ago. Not well, but I had been one of his assistant directors. Did he suspect? Did he know that Brie was in the community back then? No. Her dad, a pastor, made sure that never leaked out. “Ash," Richard said, his voice gentle, quiet in a way I’d never heard it before. "Look, moving on isn't easy. Iknow—"
I snorted, shaking my head. "What do youknow—"
"Ash," Richard's voice boomed, rich with authority. "Iknow."
Oh. Understanding washed over me like a warm, healing wave, lapping at my toes. Rich knew. Knew like I knew. I could see it in the way his mouth tightened. The way his brown eyes filled momentarily with moisture, then receded with a quick blink. I wanted more details. Wanted to know every painful memory and ask about who Rich had lost. Whoever said misery loves company knew what they were talking about. Five years later, and I was still drowning in pain—and more than anything, I wanted to grab the ankles of other people around me and pull them underwater, too. But instead, I just sat there, listening.Sinking.
"Experiencing the moment that another person enters this crazy world of ours is empowering and that feeling is indescribable. It’s intimate, more intimate even than sex itself. This movie is all about that process. It’s not about the lifestyle… it’s about the entryintothe lifestyle. From a submissive woman’s perspective. Not a Dominantman’s.”
I stole another glance at Jude who was sitting silently beside me, brushing his pointer finger over his top lip inthought.
I took another sip of coffee and the hot liquid burned a path to my stomach. “Right. Entry into the lifestyle. Thatiswhatwe’re portraying with these shots,” I said, gesturing at the monitor with my coffee cup. But I didn’t buy it myself. What Rich had just described? It was nowhere near what I had directed last week in those shots. I cleared my throat, not ready to admit that aloud. “Maybe when you see some of the scenes cuttogether—”
“You’re not succeeding,” Richard interrupted. “You think it’s what you’re doing… but it’s not reading thatway.”
“But I’ve been using thescript—”
Richard interrupted again. “Whatever you’re doing isn’tworking.”
I threw my hands up. As they fell to the armrest of my chair, I leveraged my weight and pushed to my feet, pacing across the room. I fuckinghatedbeing wrong. It pissed me off to no end. “Well, what the hell do you expect me to do, Rich? We’re a week into filming. Should we reshoot last week’sscenes?”
Rich shrugged. “If we recast the movie with Pierce, we’ll need to reshootsome.”
I blew out a tight breath. The thought of re-filming a week’s worth of work made my stomach turn. Then again, it was for the best: recasting it withPierce.
“But either way,” Richard added, “as I said, Pierce isn’t the only factor here. There’s something else fundamentally wrong with thepiece—”
“What am I supposed to do? Go spend the night at LnS… find some newbie submissive and train her just to see what the hell it is you’re talkingabout?”
Rich snorted something that sounded half-amused, half-annoyed. “I don’t believe for a second you’re actually up for that. But sure… you could. If you think it’d help. There’s method actors out there… why not methoddirectors?”
Jude cleared his throat. “Or… what if you interviewed some of the subs at LnS? Asked about their entry into thelifestyle?”
My eyes clamped shut. “I guess I could dothat.”
Rich nodded. “Then you should also interview a Dominant who has trained subs. I would suggest Jude, but I think you need more separation since you two know each other so well. You need to tell the story from both angles, bothPOVs.”
I snorted, shifting my gaze out the window. But I couldn’t even focus on the beautiful view of Hollywood hills. “You really think a couple of interviews is going to completely change my vision for this film?” Iasked.
“It can’thurt.”
“But… you think me training a submissive would domore?”
Rich shrugged. “It’s a mootpoint.”
“Pretend for a second that itwasan option. What in the hell do you think I would get out ofthat?”
Richard lifted his eyebrow. “Perspective.”
