Page 34 of Role Play
Lucy
Iwatched from the corner as Jude and Marlena acted out the scene—the moment when Holly is fully immersed in the BDSM lifestyle. And the two of them? Wow… they were mesmerizing together. On and off camera. I stared at them in awe as the two would switch back and forth between Leo and Holly and Jude and Marlena. Their chemistry more than sparked… it was like a freaking light show right in front of myeyes.
They reached the spanking scene, and I could feel Ash’s gaze searing into me. Feel his awareness of my every move. As though my reaction to this scene would determine where we went fromhere.
Marlena bent over Jude’s lap, completely nude. On a normal day, on a normal film shoot, there would be dozens of people standing by. Here, there were only seven. The doors were locked. The windows were covered. It was as intimate as a film setgot.
I never considered myself to be anything near a movie star. I never associated with actors; never saw myself on camera or on stage. I excelled as the stage manager. The costume designer. Anything behind the scenes and in the dark shadows away from the spotlight. But seeing Marlena there in the same position I had just been in? I could almost close my eyes and picture myself center stage, taking thespotlight.
Jude struck Marlena hard against the backside, leaving a red welt where he had hit her. My skin tingled at the sight of that mark and goosebumps raced down my arms. Her body tightened, bucking against his hand. And then… he did exactly what Ash had done to me. Jude’s fingers circled over the red flesh, caressing it. Caring for it before pulling back and striking heragain.
My attention jerked to where Ash was sitting in the director’s chair. He chewed on his top lip and his knee bounced up and down. With a quick glance, he looked to me, before pulling his gaze back to the scene beforeus.
The room spun around me, the air suddenly hot and stifling. I always thought BDSM was just a dirty kink—something people did to fuck around and display their power. But it was more than that—Marlena and Jude were madly in love. It was evident after only seeing them from afar for a few minutes. It didn’t have to be sadistic—with them, it even looked affectionate. But, they were just acting…right?
“Cut!” Ashcalled.
Swallowing, I rushed forward with Marlena’s robe. Jude took it from me, smiling briefly. “Let me,” he said. Then, holding up the robe for Marlena, she slid her arms in and he covered her exposed body, dropping a kiss to the curve of herneck.
They were a committed couple. In love. Were they also members of LnS like Ash? That would explain a lot. That little detail; the way he stroked her backside after hitting her, the same way Ash had done to me while they fixed the lighting. That was a Dominant thing. It had to be.OrJude was just a talented actor and had done hisresearch.
Maybe this wasn’t the same as what my dad did to my mom. To start with, it was consensual. My mother didn’t have a safeword to make the abuse stop. It stopped when Dad wanted it to. Or when he fell asleep. Whichever came first. This film was opening my eyes. Maybe…you could be in love and enjoy this lifestyle. You could be a normal healthy couple by day, and kinky as fuck at night, and still be healthy and happy. And maybe, just maybe, being with Ash wouldn’t be breaking that promise I had made to myself all those yearsago.
Beside me, Miguel dropped his boom and wiped his brow with his sleeve. “Great scene,huh?”
I swallowed and nodded, my gaze drifting once more to Ash, across the room. His eyes were on me, his lips set in an angry, firm line. His eyes narrowed, darting to Miguel.Was hejealous?
“Those college aged guys are going to eat this shitup.”
I snorted and tugged my phone from my back pocket, turning it back on. I always set it to airplane mode in a shoot for obvious reasons. I had a text from my mother waiting forme.
I read today that cheese is more addictive than cocaine. Be careful with what you eat at craft services. All that processed food can’t be good. Loveyou.
I sighed. If only she knew how much cheese I ate. I had no doubt my mom loved me. She loved me so much that she held onto me for dear life. I was her life raft in an otherwise sinking ship. But when I disappointed her, she couldn’t stand to look at me. The disappointment was a loss all of itself for her. I rubbed at my eyes. Being controlled by my mom was the status quo for so long in my life… isthatwhy I enjoyed BDSM? Was it a familiar behavior that I gravitated to because of nearly two decades of my mother’s controlling nature? Of my mom trying to get control back of her own life by lording overmine?
I felt so confused. Because I liked what I had felt with Ash. I craved it. Wanted it. I was choosing it. But what if those choices actually weren’treallychoices? What if I only liked this lifestyle because of my history with my mom anddad?
It was all so fucking confusing. I didn’t know what to think. What thoughts were my own anymore? A headache thrummed at the front of my forehead and I pinched the bridge of my nose against the burning in my sinuses. I ducked my head away from Ash’s searing gaze, landing on where Jude and Marlena were holdinghands.
I couldnotbecome my mother.Like mother like daughterwas not going to be the phrase people said at my funeral. “Let’s break for lunch, everyone,” Ash announced. “Be back here at one o’clock,please.”
Lunch. The thought of eating had my stomach turning. From somewhere above us, I heard the air conditioner click on, but even with the direct flow of frigid air, my skin was flushed. Heat radiated off of me and dots flooded my vision. I needed to get away from the set. From Jude and Marlena. FromAsh.
Not waiting for any of the other crew members, I rushed out of the sound stage, down the hall past craft services until I turned the corner, away from everyone. Yanking open the maintenance closet, I slammed the door behind me. The doorknob pressed into my lower back, its cold metal permeating through the thin cotton of my shirt. I closed my eyes even though the closet was nearly black. Only a sliver of light from the crack at the base of the door filtered in, spilling yellow over my flipflops.
Even with my eyes pressed firmly closed, the room still tilted. The floor spun until I felt like it had switched places with the ceiling and I was upsidedown.
Heavy footsteps pounded outside and I slunk deeper into the closet, sliding down the wall until I was sitting on the dirty floor. “Lucy?” Ash’s voice was close, somewhere outside in the hallway. Why was he looking for me? Why did he care? “Lucy?” he called again, his voice even closer this time. I pressed my lips together, barely breathing as if he could recognize, let alone hear, the sound of mybreath.
From within my pocket, my phone chimed, the ring tone blaring through the silent closet. My muscles clenched, seizing like they were hit with a bewitchingspell.
No. No, no, no… I fumbled around, yanking my cell phone out of my pocket and silencing it. It was too late. Why did I give him my stupid number Thursday night? Damnvodka.
Two shadowed feet blocked the light beneath the door, and the handle creaked in protest as it turned. The door swung open, framing Ash in stark white light, his phone still pressed to his ear. “Lucy.” Wrinkles dented his forehead as his gaze swept over me. And suddenly, he was standing in the closet with me, shutting the door behind him. Darkness swallowed us and he put his phone on the shelf, with the flashlighton.
His touch was gentle as his hands wrapped around my elbows, guiding me to my feet. “Are you okay?” His voice was rough and he twirled his finger into a strand of my hair, twisting it around hisknuckle.
Blinking, I swallowed and tilted my chin to look up at him. “I’mfine.”
