Page 27 of Role Play
I nodded… instinctually. Like a reflex. Until Jude’s words sank in. “Wait… what? What do youmean?”
Jude turned in the doorway. “You’ve always been too smart for your own good. You get bored because of it. Someone you can’t quite figure out? That’s going to pique your interest. More importantly… not just pique, but hold it, too. It was one of the things you loved aboutBrie.”
"I don't want to be attracted to some carbon copy of her," I whispered. It felt dirty. And wrong. Like I was trying to replaceBrie.
Jude shook his head, a frown tilting his mouth, and his expression softened with those down-turned lips. "That's not what I meant. I'm sure they're very different. All I'm saying is that a strong woman who doesn't reveal everything about herself the second you blink your baby blues at her... that’s a woman worth fightingfor."
He was right. Fuck. Lucy and Brie were very different, but they had undeniable similarities. Pain twisted my stomach. And I hated that feeling. Hated that anyone other than Brie could cause me pain. Lucy didn’t deserve it. She hadn’t earned it the way Brie had. And it felt like I was disrespecting all that my wife and I had shared by letting a woman who was likely a short-term lover stab myheart.
I wasn’t one who got hurt often—I had the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech down to a beautifully timed address. I could get the words out, have her dressed and out the door in ten minutes flat. Occasionally, with a parting blowjob. But with Lucy? Everything was different. Nothing quite worked the same way with her— my lines fell flat. My smile gained an eye roll, not batting eyelashes. And something as stupid as helping her brain freeze or touching her wrist made us bothbreathless.
I rested my coffee on my desk, releasing the hot ceramic handle. “You’re right. I do like a challenge. But this is more thanthat.”
My gaze stayed fastened onto the steaming mug of coffee, its nearly black liquid swirling against the small teaspoon of cream I dropped in it. There was chemistry between me and Lucy—I wasn’t imagining it. Intense, potent chemistry. Why did my voice sound more pinched and tighter than a boom’sgrip?
Jude nodded, but his lips were pulled in a tight line. “Well, ask Richard about the consent contract. And if he says no, then put her on the no-fly list until three months from now when you yell ‘it’s a wrap.’ Then, have all the fun you want withher.”
I groaned. I couldn’t wait three months. Seeing her every day? It would be impossible.Torture.
Then again, maybe the torture was good. Maybe I deserved it. Deserved to be torn apart emotionally for these feelings I was having. I could still teach her the lifestyle. Teach her to be a submissive… without sex. Isn’t that what Jude had done with Marly? Maybe I could train her without crossing thatline.
“Ash,” Jude said, his voice suddenly serious. “I’m sure she’s great… but is she worth giving up everything you’ve built here at Silhouette? Is she worth going back to college humor with twenty-year-old douchenozzles who smoke their weight inpot?”
I was quiet for a long moment, and Jude, God love him, just stood there silently with me. “How did you know with Marlena? You nearly gave up this movie forher…”
The clock ticked in the corner like a metronome, keeping our conversation on beat. My eyes darted, ping-ponging back and forth between Jude and his coffee cup. “I had no doubts. It was the right thing to do—she was best for the role in this and if that meant me not being a part of it to see the right movie get made with the right actress, I was willing to give thatup.”
Inhaling deeply, I drew in a breath and held it in my cheeks before slowly releasing it. My fidgeting calmed and I clamped my hands to my hips, lifting my gaze to Jude’s. Every muscle in my body felt like it was lined with lead. “And you knew it meant you would get thegirl?”
He shot me a grin. “I didn’t know. I had hoped we would find our way back to each other, but when I quit the movie, I thought we were through. Until she came running to LnS with my Rolex inhand.”
I lifted my coffee cup to him. “You’re welcome for that, by the way.” I shot my best friend a wink since I’d helped Marly at her callback findJude.
Jude rolled his eyes and stood up. “Come on,” he said, opening the door and jerking his head toward the sound stage. “I have to get into my makeup chair soon and you are due onset.”
“Speaking of… how you feeling about today’s shoot? Marlenaokay?”
Jude shot me a wobbly smile. “I’m fine… a little worried about her. She’s nervous, but excited. She would never admit it, but she’s really relieved you’re keeping the crew smalltoday.”
I smiled. Marly and I had a rocky start. Mostly because I have a hot temper and a penchant for being over protective of my friends. But we’d come a long way. And now, she and I were like siblings. “As small as we can. Me, the cinematographer, boom and sound team, makeup, and wardrobe—and that’sit.”
Jude nodded. “That’ll be great. She knows it’s coming and she said last night she was grateful to you that you’re getting these scenes out of the wayearly.”
I studied my best friend—the way his lips were pressed into a tight line and the rigid sinew of muscle running down his clenched jaw to his throat. “You sure you’re okay with this? I know sharing isn’t easy foryou.”
Jude gave a humorless laugh and ran his hand through his hair. “Understatement of the year. But I’ll be fine. This is acting, not sharing. I knew what it meant to be in this movie withher.”
I nodded, only half believing him. “I’ll make sure Kelly or Lucy is standing close by with her robe ready for any breaks betweenshooting.”
We each left my office, turning different directions at the end of the hall. What would Lucy’s reaction be to this scene? The spanking, the submission—Holly’s character on her knees being ordered around by Leo and tiedup.
Each one of my footsteps down the hall landed heavily, my dress shoes hitting the marble floors with an assuredness I didn’t quite feel in my heart. But enough was enough. It was time to pull it together and get towork.
* * *
Two hours in,and just about everything was going wrong. We were behind schedule—how does that happen every day, even so early in the process? I paced behind my chair, my name scripted with the word Director below it, taunting me like a group of mocking kids on a playground. Every time I moved to sit down, I just bounced right back up again like there was a spring surgically embedded in my ass. Just fucking call me Tigger for today—only not nearly asjolly.
“Elena, how much longer do you need the actors in makeup?” She’d had them for ninety minutes… how long did it fucking take to slap some foundation and lipstick on twopeople?
