Page 117 of Role Play
Lucy
Ispent the next two days in bed. I called Kelly, claiming I was sick and secretly praying that the trust we’d been working to build wouldn’t crumble with me taking days off. On one hand… I cared. On the other hand, I was too desperately heartbroken to give it more than a passingthought.
My eyes were swollen. My pillow was drenched with tears. There were unanswered texts from Andrea asking me if I wanted to carpool to Silhouette tomorrow. Now that she was working both at Silhouette and LnS, she was hardly ever home. We were like passing ships… or rather, she was the ship and I was the island. Unmoving.Stuck.
By the time Wednesday afternoon rolled around, I couldn’t stomach another can of crappy store-bought soup, and I ordered some Mexican fooddelivery.
The buzzer rang, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror as I went to answer it. I nearly gasped at the sight of myself. On one hand, I was never the most glamorous girl. But this? This was a whole new level. My unwashed hair was tangled into a knot on the top of my head. And not one of those cute messy buns. Mine was legit rat’s-nest-messy. My face was puffy and red from crying. For all the time I’d spent in bed the past forty-eight hours, I’d done very littlesleeping.
I gave myself a shrug and grabbed my wallet as the impatient delivery boy buzzed a secondtime.
Wrenching the door open, I came face to face with Ash. My mouth momentarily fell open, then I snapped it shut, squeezing my eyes closed against the oncoming tears. No. No, no, no… he was not standing here in front ofme.
My only consolation was that he looked like he’d been a mess too. A more functional mess than me, but let’s be real… who the hellwasn’t?
And what truly wasn’t fair was that even though his eyes were also rimmed red and puffy… and even though his hair was strewn as though he’d been raking his hands through it all day… and even though he was in gym shorts and a t-shirt… he still looked deliciouslyhandsome.
It made me want to slam my fist into his stomach. Then kiss him. Then kick him in theshins.
“Ash?” I managed to say, my voice not shaking nearly as much as I’d expected itto.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his tone urgent. His gaze swept my body. “You haven’t been on set and—and I wasworried.”
“You were worried,” I repeated, snark dripping from mywords.
“Yes. I was worried. Just because we aren’t… we aren’t a ‘we’ anymore doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. Are yousick?”
I laughed, a bitter sound that cracked at the back of my throat. “Sick. Sure. We can call it that. That’s what I toldKelly.”
His face softened. “I’m sorry. I wish I could give you more, but Ican’t—”
“Can’t? Orwon’t?”
His intense stare sent goosebumps racing down my arms. When he didn’t answer me, I sighed, crossing my arms. “What are you really doing here, Ash? Thetruth.”
He swallowed, veins pushing against the sinews of his throat and shoulders. “I miss you.” Moisture brimmed in those gloriously blue eyes and his voice cracked as hespoke.
My heart broke in that moment. It broke for him. It broke for me. It broke for the future we could have had if he could just pull his head out of hisass.
“It’s coming up on mine and Brie’s seven year anniversary,” he said quietly. “In a coupleweeks.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. And meant it. Was this his way of trying to open up to me? Of trying to repair what he broke? And more importantly… was it toolate?
“Most people visit the graves of their loved ones, but I can’t bring myself to do that. I don’t want to visit a place that reminds me of her death. I want to visit a place that reminds me of herlife.”
I swallowed a sob and reached out to grasp his hand, unable to help myself. “Where isthat?”
“I hike Runyon. Where I proposed toher.”
I squeezed his fingers. “She was a sporty girl. I should have guessed.” I sent him as big of a smile as I could muster and he snorted. A sound that was a half-laugh, half-sigh.
Then, something shifted, the molecules buzzing between us. He was silent for the longest minute of my life and I waited, silently, begging and praying he would give me more.Tell me more. Trust me.But he didn’t. He went silent…again.
“Come back to work, Lucy,” he finally said, and detached his hand from mine. His fingers slipped out of my grasp. “Don’t let an emotionally unavailable prick like me ruin this opportunity foryou.”
“I’ll have other opportunities at Silhouette,” I said. “I know aguy.”
His mouth twitched with my joke, barely edging into a smile. “You’ll have so many opportunities… because of your talent. Not because of your uncle. But even still, we need you on set. Kelly needs you on set. You should see the way she’s been running around like a crazy woman, trying to do it allherself.”
