Page 105 of Role Play
His touch stalled at my shoulder, and I felt Ash go momentarily frigid beside me. "Oh, shit. Wedid."
He didn't sound all thatconcerned...
"Do you... do you do that often?" I asked,nervously.
He relaxed, smiling down at me. "No," he answered gently. "The last time I rode bare-backed was with my wife. And I get testedmeticulously."
Though he didn't return the question, it sat between us, heavy like fog until I couldn't bear it anymore and blurted out, "I haven't had sex in two years and I get regular check ups,too.”
Ash didn't react immediately, just calmly nodded. "Good. So you'reclean?"
It was my turn to nod silently."But not on birth control." Seriously. How could I be so stupid? Did I learn nothing growing up with my single mother after Dad left? A baby was absolutely the last thing I needed right now as I was trying to get my start in theindustry.
I gulped and looked at Ash who was watching me carefully with a soft gaze. “You don’t seem all thatconcerned.”
He pressed his lips into a line, thinking before he answered. “I’m concerned for you because this obviously isn’t what you want. But, we can figure it out when the time comes.” he said and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. “There’s a pharmacy around the corner if you would like to get a Plan B pill. And of course, we’ll be more careful in thefuture.”
I smiled at that, nuzzling into his hand. “We’ll be more careful in the future,” I repeated. The fact that we have a future. That we are doing this—really doing this—made me so freaking happy. “Does this mean we’re…” my voice faded away. We’re what? Together? Dating?Exclusive?
“I’m not fucking anyone else,” Ash said, his voice suddenly dark and possessive. “I expect the same from you.” His blue eyes stared hard into mine and all I could do was nod. Was he crazy? Did he seriously think I could or would want to be with anyoneelse?
“So, you’ll sign the Silhouette consent forms finally?” Ashpressed.
My muscles tightened. Fuck. The stupid consent forms. “Yes, but…” I answered cautiously. I needed to have a talk with Uncle Richard myself. I couldn’t let him find out with some contracts. It had to come fromme.
Ash’s jaw clenched. “Yes… butwhat?”
I swallowed nervously. “Let me be the one to file them with HR. I want to make sure Kelly doesn’t findout.”
At this point, I should just tell Ash about Uncle Richard. He probably wouldn’t even care. But I didn’t want him there when I talked to Uncle Rich. And something told he would insist on it. Maybe even talk to Rich without me. No… I would talk to Uncle Rich myself. Today after work. And then, I’d sign the papers and file them with HR myself and tell Ash the truth about myuncle.
I licked my lips and pushed my glasses higher on my nose before my other hand swept across mybelly.
Ash gave me a smile and threaded his fingers through mine. “Don’t stress about this too much if you can help it. It's actually pretty damn hard to make a baby sometimes," he added. "Do you know where you are in yourcycle?”
Most of the time our age difference didn’t come up. But a man my age would never ask me about my ovulation cycle. I did some quick math in my head. “I think we’reokay.”
“Good,” he smiled, and handed me a glass of water from thenightstand.
“Ovulation cycles…” I repeated. “Did you... Did you and your wife try to have ababy?”
For the second time in a small period, his hand froze where he was stroking up and down my body. It was only a brief pause before he resumed. “Yes,” he said simply. “Yearsago.”
That was all he offered. All he gave me. And it felt wrong to pressure him formore.
I thought I saw him exhale a tad deeper than before. I swallowed, watching the tight lines of his face. He wouldn't look me in the eye. “Will you tell me more about Brie when you'reready?”
His gaze jerked to my face, tight lines framing his mouth before they softened. He opened his mouth to speak. My heart lurched to my throat. He was doing it. He was going to open up tome.
Then, his phone alarm went off, interrupting whatever he’d been about to share. I watched as his face tightened, drawing the curtains closed once more. He leaned away from me—actually pulling back both physically and emotionally. “We should get ready. We’re going to be late if we don’t go soon.” He pushed off the bed and stood, walking to the bathroom and turning on theshower.
I squeezed my eyes shut.It’s okay,I told myself. This is still so new. It might take him a while to open up. He has been…slowly. Telling me more and more about Brie. Yet, I couldn’t help the feeling that he was holding back. Holding back something major.Give him time, a little voice in my head whispered. Whatever happened with Brie’s suicide was intense and trauma was difficult to reveal. It always was for me, too. Exposing that vulnerability was like letting someone watch as you sliced open a scar and bled yourself all overthem.
Give him time. Give him grace. He has his secret still and I have mine. We keep them for good reason and they’ll be revealed when it’stime.
