Page 89 of Role Play
Then, there was more rustling around my room and I peeked open through one eye. He had turned off the lights and pulled a chair into the corner. Knowing what I knew now about his wife? This can’t be easy for him to be here. Even if the building was renovated, the layout was the same. It was the same windows. The same walls. And if people were correct that a place can inhabit and collect the energy of the lives that once were here, he must be vibrating with her energy right about now. “You don’t have to stayhere.”
“I know.” But he didn’t say more. Didn’t get up from where he lounged in my little papasanchair.
And honestly, I was too tired to argue withhim.
Closing my eyes, I driftedoff.
I don’t know how much time passed, but I woke fast, sprinting for the bathroom, and only just made it before I puked again. Ash was right there, sprinting beside me, holding my hair. Talking gently in myear.
By the third time it had happened, I didn’t bother going back to bed and Ash joined me on the bathroom floor with pillows andblankets.
My stomach was empty. There was nothing left in my system to throw up. I reached out my flattened palm to the tiled floor, only instead, it connected with Ash’s bare chest. The heavy rise and fall of his rhythmic breath. And then, his fingers laced into mine and he pressed his lips to myknuckles.
“I don’t know that I’m ready for this,” I confessed. “For you. I want it, but also… it scaresme.”
“It scares me, too,” he whispered. “So damnmuch.”
“I didn’t think I’d ever find love. I didn’t want it,” I whispered. “I saw how it destroyed my mom and I just… I didn’t think it was worth the trouble.” I swallowed hard, my eyes raw and itchy still from the stupid contacts earlier. I looked up at Ash, pushing my glasses higher onto my nose. His gaze was angled down at me and his gorgeous blue eyes were bright despite the darkness. “No matter what happens with us,” I whispered, “You’ve made me realize that itisworth the trouble.” I wanted to add,Youare worth the trouble, but those words just wouldn’t form. It was too honest. Too vulnerable. And I couldn’t keep opening my wounds and bleeding before Ash if he wouldn’t reciprocate. He was trying. I could see he was trying, but that might not be enough. It might never beenough.
The rims of his eyes tightened. If he answered me, I didn’t hear it. My eyes grew heavier and I felt Ash’s fingers brush through my hair as I drifted off into a heavysleep.
