Page 80 of Role Play
I cocked a brow and my nerves prickled at that. “Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Make me bleed? Ohwait…” I gestured to myshoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he croaked the apology out, then quickly glanced away, not meeting my eyes. “I really am. You have to know I didn’t wantthat.”
“The scene is over, Ash. Look at me,” I demanded. He wasn’t the only one who could make demands. Just because I enjoyed being bossed around during sex didn’t mean I was going to stand for it outside of that. Hell no. “Look at me when we’re talking,” Ireiterated.
His eyes darted to mine, a fierce, crystal shade ofblue.
“I saidyellow. And you ignoredme.”
His gaze narrowed, but he kept his eyes firmly planted on mine. “I didn’t ignore you. Yellow means slow down. So, I stopped with the punishment and moved ontopleasure.”
“Exactly. You moved on. You barreled through. According to the contract you gave me, yellow means slow down and regroup. Check in with your sub. You didn’t check in. You hit the accelerator. You may have stopped with the punishment, but you didn’t slow down. And youdefinitelydidn’t check in with me. Maybe if you had,thiswouldn’t have happened.” I gestured to my puncture which was already almost donebleeding.
The lines framing his eyes tightened and he shook his head, tilting his chin to the ground. “This is exactly why we shouldn’t have started any scenes until we finished hashing out the contract in detail. Miscommunications likethis—”
“Miscommunication? Ash, how is this amiscommunication?”
“We had different ideas about what the safeword ‘yellow’ meant. Which is my fault for not making sure youunderstood—”
“I understood what it meant. I think you’re making excuses becauseyoumade an irresponsible choice during a scene. I used my safeword just as you taught me to do. You didn’t check in with me. You didn’t regroup in safe, sane, and consensual way. You’re right about one thing. This was your fault. But not becauseIdidn’t understand. Because you were beingirresponsible.”
His gaze snapped to mine. “What did you justsay?”
I swallowed, knowing it was painful for him to hear. But it was also true. “I said you wereirresponsible.”
I was shaking and tears sprung in my eyes. I never thought I’d be here again. This time, instead of the scared little girl watching helplessly, I was the woman. I was my mom. Only, I wouldnothave the same fractured fairy tale. Oh, hell no. This princess was not going to end up married to the troll under thebridge.
He closed his eyes, his lip trembling, and I wasn’t sure if it was with suppressed sadness or suppressed rage. “You’re right. That was irresponsible of me. I should have regrouped with you. I’m… I’m sorry Lucy. It won’t happenagain.”
I stood, handing him back his shirt and he, too, pushed to hisfeet.
“You’re right,” I said. “It won’t happen again becausewewon’t be happeningagain.”
“Lucy,wait—”
“I’m serious, Ash.” I walked over to the bench, shoving my legs back into my jeans and putting my bra and shirt back on. “I’m out. I’m not going to let my personal history repeatitself.”
He rushed ahead of me, blocking my exit with his body. “Personal history? What do youmean?”
A bitter laugh cracked in my throat and those tears which I’d been so successful at suppressing spilled down my cheeks. “My father was amonster.”
“Your father?” he asked, his voice hoarse. “We talked about this. I won’t tell you what to eat like your mom and dad. I trust youwill—”
“It wasn’t just that with my father,” I said, the salty tears spilling across my lips as I spoke. “He hurt my mom. Punched her, kicked her, burned her with his cigars. He knew just where to hit her so that no one could see. Her back. Her stomach.” I paused, swallowing a sob. “Herheart.”
Comprehension eased over Ash’s face. “Oh my God, Lucy. I had no idea. When you talked about your parents and your dad leaving, I just assumed he was emotionallyabusive—”
“Well, now you know. I guess I was trying to give this a chance because for some fucked up reason, I seem to get off on it,” I could feel my face heating. Feel the way my palms were itchy and I was shifting my weight restlessly. “I was beginning to see the difference between BDSM and abuse… until tonight. But if this is what BDSM is about, then I want nothing to do withit.”
I turned and left the soundstage, not surprised when Ash didn’t followme.
