Page 23 of Role Play
Ash
Islammed my fist into the leather backseat. What were the fucking chances? That Lucy would be living in the same apartment complex Brie had lived in when we first met? Thank God for company car services. I hadn’t stepped foot in her neighborhood in over seven years—not since the day I helped her pack up her apartment and move in withme.
I squeezed my eyes shut, dropping my forehead to the cool window. Memories rushed my mind, flooding my thoughts with our first date—the little Mexican place around the corner. How I walked her home, backed her against that same railing Lucy had balanced herself on tonight… and I had kissed Brie right there like my next breath depended on it. I remembered how she tugged me toward the door, and as she fumbled with her keys, I nibbled her neck, making her lose her balance and accidentally ring all the buzzers on the thirdfloor.
I liked Lucy. She was smart and funny and sexy and unassuming. And she was a natural submissive. Was she completely oblivious to herinstincts?
Not that it mattered. My withered heart was worthless. She deserved so much better than me. The way she held me? Hugged me as I started to have a panic attack. Then noticed Brie’s ring?It’s what I would have done,I heard Brie’s voice echo in mymind.
But you aren’t real. You are my subconscious.I looked down at my hand and the moonlight glimmered off the hammered whitegold.
Pushing Lucy away was hard. And as soon as I had her at arm’s length, her gaze had dropped to the ground. Like any good submissive. I stopped twirling the ring and fisted my handsinstead.
Pain. That’s what I needed. I needed to make a woman cry out; beg for mercy when, really, she was enjoying every second. I needed to hear her screams so loud and anguished that they matched the screams I felt in my heart. I needed her ass to welt with the same scars I felt beneath myribcage.
And then I needed to feel her release. See the euphoria overtake that pain. I needed to watch someone triumph over their pain. Own it and not let it consume them like it consumed me every minute of every fuckingday.
In truth… it wasn’t that I liked watching my subs in pain. It was their strength and the tenacity. Their endurance and the way they found happiness and pleasure in what most would see asterrible.
I didn’t spank my submissives because I was mad or dislikedthem.
It was the opposite. I did it because I admired them. I wanted to bethem.
A knot lodged thick and heavy in the center of my throat, and I fucking hated myself for the tears that pooled in my eyes. I blinked hard and fast, pushing them down. Swallowing them. Ignoring the pain, yetagain.
And after sharing those drinks with Lucy? Driving in her car and smelling the scent of vanilla and lavender surrounding me in the enclosed seats… I couldn’t go back into LnS after that—after her—after Brie’s history and memories engulfed me—and just hook up with someone random. But I also didn’t deserve to go home. To sleep in the same bed Brie and Ishared.
I didn’t want just another nameless submissive. I didn’t wantanywoman. I wanted Lucy. For the first time since Brie, I ached for awoman; not just a release. I wanted to own Lucy; I wanted to own her pain, her pleasure, and everything in between and watch as she fell to her knees and learned what ecstasy lies beneath the surface ofobeying.
* * *
For five hours,I tossed and turned. Five sleepless hours, hearing whispers of Brie’s voice. Seeing her face every time I closed myeyes.
At five-thirty in the morning, I was on set after a freezing cold shower with a fresh cup of coffee in hand… and my balls were bluer than the Los Angeles sky.I passed the first two hours of the day keeping busy with prep for the shoot and intentionally avoiding the wardrobe tent. Good God, help me, if I stepped foot in there and had to be face to face with Lucy this soon after our—our what? Our almost kiss? The fact that I was so intoxicated by our evening together that I was about to risk everything by entering a consent contract withher?
By seven-thirty, every department had shooed me away so they could finish their jobs in peace. Apparently having your boss over your shoulder, micromanaging, wasn’t the most effectivetactic.
I sat in my trailer on my couch, with a cup of coffee, taking twenty minutes to myself before the craziness of the day started. We were thirty minutes behind schedule, which was to be expected when you had this many extras on set, but it was still driving me nuts. I had my cell phone balanced on my knee as it buzzed, a call coming in. “This is Ash Livingston,” Ianswered.
“Ash,” a woman’s voice on the line said. “This is Roxanne Yorkshire, Pierce Whitley’sagent.”
I immediately jumped to my feet. “Roxanne,” I said, pacing in my trailer and raking my fingers through my hair. “Thank you for returning my calls. As I mentioned in mymessages—”
“You want Pierce,” she stated simply, her voice tinged with hard indifference. “You made a mistake in not casting him. Yes, I got allfourof yourmessages.”
I swallowed and peered out the window as some of our extras started gathering, flipping through the racks of costumes with Lucy helping pass out items to the actors. I felt a smile curve on my mouth as I watched her work, her brown hair pulled into a smooth ponytail, and she wore the same outfit as yesterday—white t-shirt and jeans. “We do,” I answered. “You might not believe me, but I wanted to cast Pierce immediately. He was perfect as Leo’s brother, Jack. But the powers thatbe—”
“I don’t need to know the whys,” she said. “I need to know that his contract will be secure. And that his pay will bedouble.”
I sucked in a silent breath. Double was significant, and I didn’t have the rank to authorize that. “We want to do everything we can to secure him in this role,” I said. “His contract will be as secure as Jude’s which is the best we offer toanyactor. I don’t know that I can guaranteedouble—”
“Pierce would be coming home from a super secret project happening abroad for this part. A part you originally didn’t offer him, even though you should have. You need to make it worth his while to walk away from this otherproject.”
That wasn’t what I’d heard. Assistants talk. And Raina had been chatting with Pierce’s and told her that he was on vacation in Croatia. The rumor mills in Hollywood are strong; a few little birds had told me that he’d been pretty upset he hadn’t gotten the role here, and that’s why he left the country. Either way, I didn’t think pointing this out would help my case any, so I kept quiet. Instead, I clamped my hand to my hips as Lucy looked up from behind the rolling wardrobe rack and caught my eye in the window. The corners of her mouth tugged into a semblance of a smile, and she pushed her glasses higher onto her nose before looking down at herclipboard.
My eyes fluttered closed and I turned my back to the window. “I understand that,” I said. Pierce had the upper hand right now. Hell, even if she was lying about his reasons for being in Europe, it didn’t matter. We wanted him and she knew it. It wasn’t all that frequent that studios recast movies after filming began, but it was known to happen. Hell,Back to the Futurereshot half the damn movie with Michael J. Fox when they realized Eric Stoltz wasn’t working as Marty McFly. Bottom line—it happened. Just not very often. “Here’s what I can do. He’ll get the best contract that we offer talent. And I can authorize a twenty-five percent pay increase from our original offer.” That was literally the maximum I was allowed to offer without executive approval. I held my breath, awaiting heranswer.
“Pierce Whitley is an award-winning actor. He’s won two Emmys, three Golden Globes, and Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars last year. He can do it again for you. Call me back when you can offerfifty—”
