Page 33 of Conflicted Fate
“We got split up,” I said. “Back in Lycaonus. You remember? The guards cut us off from you.”
“I know,” he said. “Am I in some sort of trouble for that? You told us ahead of time. Nobody slows. Just keep going. That’s what we did.”
I smiled weakly. “No, no, you’re not in trouble at all, Gare. You did the right thing. That was the plan, and you carried it out. No, this is about what happened with us. When we were trapped by the guards.”
“How is that bad?” he asked. “You clearly escaped because you joined us on the barge.”
“Yes,” I said, looking away, then forcing myself to look back at him. I owed it to him to not be a coward. Again. “But only because we had help, Gare.”
“Help?” He shook his head. “There was nobody else. You two were last. Who helped you …”
The question never quite formed because the knowledge came to him before he finished his sentence.
“Your father,” I said quietly, making sure my eyes never left his. “He came out of nowhere, Gare. Blocked the blow that would’ve taken my head from my shoulders.”
I didn’t bother telling him I would have—eventually—survived the blow because it didn’t matter. What mattered was how his father had acted.
“He did?” Gare shook his head. “He only had one arm …”
“I know. And he was brilliant with it,” I whispered, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes, blurring my vision. “He told us to go. To run and not let the rebellion die.”
I swiped at my eyes, shaking my head, pushing ahead when Gare didn’t immediately say anything. “So, that’s what we did. We ran. Into the tunnels and down to the barge.”
“And they killed him,” Gare said bluntly, without much in the way of emotion.
“Yes,” I said. “And I didn’t tell you. I should have, I should have let you know right then and there on the barge what he did. That he saved us. But I didn’t. I’m so sorry, Gare. I’m so sorry. You deserved better than that. Yourfatherdeserved better than that. He was a good man, and I failed you both by being a coward and not wanting to tell you.”
Gare was silent as I babbled. That seemed like a better path, so I clamped my mouth shut and resolved not to say another word until he responded.
It took several minutes. He was leaning heavily on the wall with one arm. His breathing had gotten quite rapid, but he was working to slow it down and gain control.
“They killed my dad,” he said, shoulders rising and falling. “They struck him down after he saved you, and you just …kept that to yourself?”
The words exploded out of him.
“That wasweeksago, Jada. Weeks!” he shouted. “My father has been dead this whole time, and you knew about it. I could have been there. I could have gone back. My mother, oh, god, Mom. She’s been there alone. Without me.”
I was shaking. Trembling.
“Does she know?” he hissed.
“Probably, but I don’t know,” I said. “I just don’t know, but I would think so. She stayed behind. I’m sorry, Gare, I should have told you, and I—”
“You’re damn right you should have told me!”he roared, spinning away from the wall and taking a threatening step toward me.
I backed up until my shoulders hit the rough stone of the tunnel wall. Gare’s eyes were huge in the torchlight, dancing with a flame I wasn’t entirely sure came from the torch.
“I failed you,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I can’t change it, but if I could, I would. I would go back and change it all if I had that power, Gare, but I don’t. All I can do is apologize. To tell you I’m sorry. Gare, I—”
“No,” he said so coldly I feared for my own safety. “No more apologies from you. I don’t need to hear what a coward has to say.”
I took that, and I didn’t flinch. It was easy because it was true.
“What you did was despicable,” he snarled darkly. “You let me go on thinking everything was fine. My mother likely thinks we’rebothdead because I haven’t communicated with her. I can’t begin to imagine her distress.”
I clamped my mouth shut. He didn’t want to hear me talk, didn’t want my apologies. It was best to let him vent.
“Just because you fucked up now doesn’t mean you can make amends so easily. My mother …” He shook his head. “I have to let her know I’m alive. I have to make sureshe’sokay. What if they went after her for reprisals? I don’t know if she’s alive, even. She might have died thinking she had nothing left.”
