Page 50 of Broken Fate
“How long have you been doing this?” I asked without thinking, blurting out one of my million questions about him.
“Doing what?”
“This,” I said, gesturing around. “Resisting. Leading these people against the Alphas.”
“A long time,” he said tautly, looking anywhere but at me.
Why are you so uncomfortable around me, Kiel? I’ve seen you calmer while you kill someone. You don’t act like this around Andi. Why do you hate me?
But I couldn’t force that question out. Couldn’t get past the mental block, the part of me that didn’t want to hear what was wrong with me, what it was that he disliked. Hearing one's flaws laid so bare wasn’t a pleasant experience, and I shied away from it.
“When did you first learn the truth? About the Alphas, I mean,” I said, quickly following up as he raised his eyebrows in question.
“Not soon enough,” he growled.
“Did someone tell you? The previous leader? How did you find out?”
“Ask me another time,” he said hauntingly, an echo of pain flitting through his eyes, there and gone again like every unwanted emotion was with him. The strength of his willpower, to disregard emotions like that, must be beyond intense. I doubted I could ever be so strong.
Could anyone?
“You know,” I said, reaching out, resting a hand on his forearm, trying to push through his barriers, “it’s okay to let others in, Kiel.”
His nostrils flared.
“You don’thaveto keep everyone out. We’re all on the same side, you know. Allies. Friends, even. It’s not necessary for you to keep your distance.”
I looked him in the eyes. Even if he hated me, or whatever it was that caused him to flinch away from me constantly, I hoped maybe he would listen to my words. To take heart in them. He needed afriend. A confidante. Someone.
There was a hesitation in his response. A hitch. I hoped that was part of his shell breaking. Letting the person on the inside show, even for a few moments. I started to smile, thinking he was about to relent and talk to me.
“There’s no time for emotions,” he snarled instead, half turning away from me.
He wrenched his gaze away a split second longer, but not before something more than pain or anger stirred in their depths, the bright blue circles of his irises coming alive with emotion. I couldn’t read him. But then it was gone, just like everything else, swallowed up by the black hole of his “I am Kiel. I must resist” persona in milliseconds.
But it was there. And he knew I’d seen it. Something passed between us at that moment.
I just wish I knewwhat.
“Do your business,” he growled. “Then get back in the cave. Make sure you use the stream, or a pit, if necessary. No traces.”
I sighed. Nothing to ruin the mood more than talking about bowel functions.
Then he was gone, back into the cave. What the heck was going on inside him? Something drove Kiel into being so reclusive and apart from everyone else. Whatever it was, whatever secret he kept, it fueled him, providing a never-ending source of focus and intensity.
I feared what would happen when it finally went out or consumed him entirely. If it hadn’t already. What would happen to him if we won? If we destroyed the Fate Stones and killed the Alphas. What would Kiel dothen?
I didn’t have an answer, and I doubted Clive did either.
But Andi might.
I resolved to ask her about it and about what had pushed Kiel into open rebellion. Because Kiel wasn’t telling us something about himself, and the more my thoughts dwelled upon it, the more I became convinced it was important.
If he was hiding something that could affect the rest of us, then we deserved to know. Didn’t we?
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Andi.”
