Page 48 of Bearing Secrets
“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said with extra formality and a low bow that he punctuated by dropping to one knee. It was completely unnecessary and over the top in such a situation, and he heard a whispered touché from above. It was more than enough.
Motioning to Natalia, the two of them headed back into the passages. Kirell wanted to breathe a sigh of relief that the meeting had gone so well, but the instant the doors closed behind them, he felt his soul pinned to the wall by Natalia’s fiery gaze.
Uh oh.
21
She was shaking.
Her arms trembled as she fought down the urge to throttle him with her fists. Not because she didn’t think it would be nice, but because it wouldn’t do a damn thing. Kirell’s modified DNA would shrug off her attack like it was a fly landing on him, while she would probably end up with—at least—bruised knuckles.
And that is why she resorted to words. “I can’t believe you would do that to me,” she hissed, slapping his shoulder despite her earlier thoughts.Ow.
“I told you it wasn’t anything to worry about.”
Natalia stopped in her tracks. “I’m sorry, your Queen, a proper bad-ass-bitch if I’ve ever met one, just threatened me with mylifeif I didn’t keep your secret. Maybe you’re used to living in a crazy-ass world where things like that are normal, but most people aren’t! You don’t just walk around and say you’re going to murder someone if they slip up and say something.”
That was the real root of her anger toward him. Fear. Never before had she met someone who so dispassionately discussed killing someone, as if it would be the commonest thing in the world. Not even the thugs back home had the same look of Death about them, as if it was a literal thing. Just thinking back to it made her shiver as she saw the look on the Ursa Queen’s face.
It wasn’t a threat, she decided. It was a promise, a mathematical equation. If X equalled anything but silence, then the result would be minus one, Natalia’s life snuffed out. Cold. Precise. Uncaring. Natalia had been reduced to a nothing.
“Listen, Natalia, I’m sorry. I should have given you more warning.”
“More warning?” She laughed. “How about you should have told me the day you brought this up, that it could involve loss of life? I would have walked away from that then and there. You’re hot, but a bit of bedroom Olympics isn’t enough to compensate for that sort of outcome!”
Her voice was rising as she spoke, bouncing off the small hallways. Kirell was looking around in a panic, like he was fearful someone was going to come in after them because they heard her shouting. Good. Maybe they would, then the jerk would stop being ashamed of her and be forced to admit thatshe’s my mate.
Natalia snorted at that thought.
“What’s so funny?”
“You don’t want to be seen with me,” she said. “You’re afraid you’ll be judged. Is it because I’m a human? Or am I just not good looking enough for you? Maybe that’s it, you don’t want “the boys” to know how low you sunk?” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier.”
She ignored his protest and stormed off, hoping she remembered the way back to his room properly. The last thing she wanted was to get lost and be forced to go to him for help.
A few turns later, a familiar-looking door loomed up in front of her. Of course, every door they’d passed looked familiar, but it felt right. Pushing forward, she emerged, immediately looking toward the real door.
The couch was there, propped against it. Unless Kirell had started a new fashion trend, she didn’t think it was anyone else’s room. Reaching behind her, she closed the wall panel. It wouldn’t slow Kirell down, but it would be a nuisance, and that was as much as she could ask for just then.
He came through a few seconds later.
“Natalia.”
“Stop it.” She held up a hand, digesting her own thoughts. The comments she’d made to him about being ashamed of her had touched on a nerve, hitting closer to the truth than she’d intended. There was something more to it, something else bothering her.
You don’t feel worthy either.
That was it, she realized. All the secrets and lies they were holding, made her feel like she wasn’t good enough to be his mate, even a fake one—like there was some impossible standard she was supposed to meet, and she didn’t.
“I’m not good enough to be your mate,” she said softly. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? That’s why the sneaking around. Not that you’re ashamed, because you need me, but nobody is going to believe someone like you would settle for me.”
Kirell frowned. “Natalia, this isn’t real,” he said forcefully. “We’re just faking this. That’s why you’re being kept hidden except when it’s absolutely necessary. The more people see us together, the more they’re going toexpectto see us together. So, unless you want to stick around, then staying hidden is the best bet. Remember, in a week or two, you’re going to go back to your old life, and you’ll probably never see me again. This is fake.”
She nodded, acknowledging the truth of everything he was saying. It was a sham. A lie, a construct built out of necessity.
So why did it hurt to be told that?
“You’re right,” she said after a minute, her voice dull and emotionless. “It’s all just a sham. Even the sex is just for fun. I think the death threat got to me.” She looked up, giving him her best fake smile. “Sorry.”
